It has been an absolute boon to my mental and physical health. I used to have a screen time of 8+ hours/day. Now, some days, I completely forget I have a phone at all.

Every reason I had to keep my iPhone, every reason it was "absolutely essential", was just an excuse. I have a computer at home for maps and IM, I can use a taxi or call Uber Call-to-Ride if I'm ever stuck. I carry cards and cash.

I urge anyone who is considering giving their child a smartphone to give them a dumbphone instead. My having a smartphone as a child was a mistake.

I'm a certified Old, & I get along just fine (mostly) with a simple flip phone. I do like having one on me, with a few numbers loaded for back-up.

But, yeah, compulsively giving kids phones "because safety" seems...less than well thought out.

4 years later, they thank me for doing that.

Years ago... 90s... Thing 2 (the younger) ran home and said Thing 1 (maybe 10) was up a tree. We went over to investigate. A lovely tree with great branches for climbing. Thing 1 was higher than the roof of the neighbour's house. We said dinner was soon, which coaxed her down.

She was the hit of her friends for weeks. Still has that same spirit 30 years later. Skydives, triathlons, sails.

Encourage adventure!

I replayed the scene many times in my head. I wish I kicked here or there or did a knife strike to the neck. I didn't have any of those skills then. Only a messy kick to the shins a push, some slapping probably and running.

The trauma will never go away. I literally started scoping martial arts schools before she could even walk. I have no other solution other than to give her the skills I wish I had at that moment I hope she will never experience.

Every move I watch her do I think "could that get him off of her? Was that enough to knock him down for her to run?"

None of this is healthy I know.

Without a lie, society is quickly becoming that

I parent free range with a long leash. You should see the number of people in places like museums and even on the ferry yesterday telling me I need to stay closer to my kids.

I really wanted to tell him off.

<sarc>

"The walk home!"

You let them walk home‽ What sort of monster?

<\sarc>

Most abusers like you say, are someone the kid knows, a family member or friend

Who are we supposed to call when we were afraid to tell?

Teaching kids to defend and protect themselves, and that they have some adults that care for them no matter what happens

That seems like what will get them through

And believe me, I've taught hundreds how to kick, elbow, bite, gouge, throw, break and otherwise, under pressure and against larger opponents. If i didn't think those skills might sometimes be needed, i wouldn't have bothered. Some of my students came with trauma, many with fear. They taught me a great deal i would never have understood otherwise.

So yeah. Kick ass.

100%.

Don't disagree with any of that. I see it as a last resort. When a man you trust unexpectedly has you pinned down out of nowhere.... Those are the situations where women become most vulnerable and all those preventive measures go out the window.

I want them to be able to break a fight, to de-escalate, to run first.... I get it. It's when they can't.

And I am putting her in martial arts well aware of the trauma I carry and how I wished I knew how to kick and punch back then. I get it.

I get that the martial arts I am learning now (making up for lost time) is so I don't have to use it. But having been in a situation where I wish I had it, I can tell you this isn't about knowing what's coming and having any kind of awareness of my physical surroundings.

This is about betrayal. About men abusing their positions of authority. About men abusing their trusted positions in the community.

This isn't about preventing on any of our parts except for parents to not raise boys into power abusing assholes.

I see what my daughter can do now and I can only hope if these things ever happen to her she can get out. There was nothing I, or any of my fellow victims ever did wrong. We shouldn't have been expected to "know" or not be in a place we thought we were supposed to be and thought was safe.

I did get out of my situation with one strong kick. I wasn't trained at the time though. And my biggest regret in life is that I didn't do it hard enough to put him in the ER. Because for over a decade the talk was non stop about how much of it was my fault or asking for it. Had I landed him a broken bone, I don't think that would have been asked. How much of this was my fault since he was a married man. Sorry. My trauma is coming out.

So please stop telling me about how much martial arts is about prevention. I get it. I have been training for a few years now with the kids and I get it.

There's no amount of prevention we can do in some situations. All we can hope for is to kick and punch our way out. I too hope she doesn't need this. But I'm glad she's got it.

I've broken up or intervened in several violent situations, not because I'm super tough (I'm not), and all without throwing a punch. I've defended myself and a few others by recognising the danger and acting in a way to either defuse or avoid it.

Twenty years of training so that i should never use it. Sounds cliche, i know, but i look at my board breaking, hip throwing daughters walking with confidence and think, yup, they're safer now.

I watched my see hing do his level 10 wing chun test and the 10 minutes of defence was pretty incredible to watch.

I 100% agree. Defence is where it's at. But see my earlier comment to Mike. For us women, the randos aren't the threat. It's when trusted people have us in vulnerable situations and kicking our way out is all we got left.

In our school district, the rule is grade 4 they are allowed self dismissal. That means they can walk home alone by then... That's age 9 here.

That's why so many parents started to get devides at that age.

Agree in principle but also want to add that as women, our threats normally come from people we know in situations that start off non threatening. Random, on street violence is rare and not even the thing I'm honestly most afraid of.

I watched 8 de-escalate a situation in the playground last week. They know the basics of staying away from threats but every woman will tell you, those aren't the ones we fear most. It's the ones coming from trusted people when we least expect it and wished we kicked our way out of there. Had I landed my attacker in the ER, there would be no questions about whether or not I asked for it.

It was in what I thought was a safe space with someone I trusted. Those threat assessment techniques fail us because these people get there by perfecting a non threatening persona. And they are the nicest people to us, to kids, to everyone.

We will lose the battle at some point because the 10 year old is active in dance and theatre. She’s going to need to coordinate rides and such. But we will wait just as long as possible.

And of course if they think the kids can call someone faster than a bad guy can rip that watch or phone away from them, they're fairly delusional. Hundreds of kids disappear every day and pretty much all of them have phones and watches now.

True. We are doing things mostly balanced. We don't eat a lot of processed foods and their Halloween candy isn't "banned" but it mostly just sits there. They are allowed but now uninterested.

They are allowed sips of beer. Weed is legal now and we talked about if they wanted to try it, we could do it together kind of thing. Not trying to make things taboo and desired sins.

Tech needs to be the same. Not taboo. Monitored and respected. Helps that dad is a professor in the tech field. He literally lectures on AI and the kids hear a lot of what's happening in the industry.

We recently had to replace our stove. We got the dumbest one we could find. Anything with wifi was automatically filtered out. They understand the reasoning behind most of these decisions and get that technology is a tool for good and bad.

They are watching a science show right now that's on YouTube (on a small laptop) but they get in trouble if they follow the recommended algorithms and click through anywhere.

You're right. Sudden freedom is not good either.