<![CDATA[the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors.]]>the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. so if you’re in Costco and you get raptured, then you’ll just hit the ceiling like a helium balloon

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/topic/b40c69ca-05d8-46cd-882a-15b3281d2a12/the-rapture-doesn-t-work-if-you-re-indoors.RSS for NodeThu, 29 Oct 2026 20:25:05 GMTThu, 15 Oct 2026 02:26:40 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. on Sat, 17 Oct 2026 17:31:31 GMT]]>@samhenrigold no if you’re in Costco, you won’t get the signal and then when you walk outside, you’ll get an alert for 1 missed rapture and a voicemail from the Archangel Gabriel

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://social.lol/users/njf/statuses/117457439360229360https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://social.lol/users/njf/statuses/117457439360229360Sat, 17 Oct 2026 17:31:31 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. on Sat, 17 Oct 2026 03:00:58 GMT]]>@samhenrigold
O all the chuds at the Walmart and Tractor Supply are going to be pissed.
😂

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://pnw.zone/users/Asbestos/statuses/117454016243256479https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://pnw.zone/users/Asbestos/statuses/117454016243256479Sat, 17 Oct 2026 03:00:58 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. on Thu, 15 Oct 2026 22:39:04 GMT]]>Do you fall back down when the rapture beam moves on, and splat on the floor in the laxatives aisle?

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://bsky.brid.gy/convert/ap/at://did:plc:s45onetor5oqewecg6papbf5/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxx4vjzyrc2chttps://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://bsky.brid.gy/convert/ap/at://did:plc:s45onetor5oqewecg6papbf5/app.bsky.feed.post/3mxx4vjzyrc2cThu, 15 Oct 2026 22:39:04 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. on Thu, 15 Oct 2026 15:26:23 GMT]]>@samhenrigold @catsalad Me, on the ceiling: “Hey, kid, toss me a blowtorch, I gotta cut my way out”
(Kid throws it, it falls back and conks him on the head)
Me: “HAHAHAHAHA!”
(I slam into the floor)

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://floss.social/users/bcasiello/statuses/117445622727512599https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://floss.social/users/bcasiello/statuses/117445622727512599Thu, 15 Oct 2026 15:26:23 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. on Thu, 15 Oct 2026 14:17:28 GMT]]>@samhenrigold if you get raptured from a boat, but the boat crosses a time zone or the date line westbound, you’ll come back.

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://mastodon.social/users/JustinW80/statuses/117445351762349961https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://mastodon.social/users/JustinW80/statuses/117445351762349961Thu, 15 Oct 2026 14:17:28 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. on Thu, 15 Oct 2026 07:50:29 GMT]]>@samhenrigold can not be raptured while in a dungeon

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://mstdn.social/users/estelle/statuses/117443830054237977https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://mstdn.social/users/estelle/statuses/117443830054237977Thu, 15 Oct 2026 07:50:29 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. on Thu, 15 Oct 2026 06:51:54 GMT]]>@samhenrigold

That's why the hot dog prices never change.

People are eating the last rapture.

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://lingo.lol/ap/users/115645018233576898/statuses/117443599725567053https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://lingo.lol/ap/users/115645018233576898/statuses/117443599725567053Thu, 15 Oct 2026 06:51:54 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. on Thu, 15 Oct 2026 06:26:52 GMT]]>@samhenrigold But if you are in Costco aren’t you already in heaven?

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://twit.social/users/davidbcohen/statuses/117443501251484076https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://twit.social/users/davidbcohen/statuses/117443501251484076Thu, 15 Oct 2026 06:26:52 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. on Thu, 15 Oct 2026 05:59:48 GMT]]>@samhenrigold

That's not the way it's gonna work, Sam.

The Rapture will look like the transporter beam as prophesied on Star Trek. And, like the ST Transporter, Almighty God also invented the transporter beam, as did Gene Roddenberry, on the cheap, to avoid building a bunch of spaceship props.

As 'twas foretold" "In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye" - and a shower of aluminum powder...

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://beige.party/users/tuban_muzuru/statuses/117443394858754520https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://beige.party/users/tuban_muzuru/statuses/117443394858754520Thu, 15 Oct 2026 05:59:48 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. on Thu, 15 Oct 2026 05:56:54 GMT]]>@samhenrigold

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://mastodon.ie/users/artnacrea/statuses/117443383424540159https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://mastodon.ie/users/artnacrea/statuses/117443383424540159Thu, 15 Oct 2026 05:56:54 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. on Thu, 15 Oct 2026 05:34:03 GMT]]>@samhenrigold being outdoors during an event like this is a terrifying mistake, see The Curse (2023). Stay indoors, folks.

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://mastodon.social/users/gryphonmyers/statuses/117443293605473125https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://mastodon.social/users/gryphonmyers/statuses/117443293605473125Thu, 15 Oct 2026 05:34:03 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. on Thu, 15 Oct 2026 04:22:18 GMT]]>@samhenrigold are they stuck up there until somebody drags them out to a clear view of the sky, or does heaven eventually stop sucking

and at that point, would they drift down slowly to the polished concrete warehouse floor, or

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://tiny.tilde.website/users/pho4cexa/statuses/117443011450228305https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://tiny.tilde.website/users/pho4cexa/statuses/117443011450228305Thu, 15 Oct 2026 04:22:18 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. on Thu, 15 Oct 2026 04:16:05 GMT]]>@samhenrigold in Red States the Sam's Warehouse roofs have explosive charges and are ringed with solid propellant rocket motors to launch the roof away in case of rapture.

The roof crashes on the unbelievers to the delight of The Elect™.

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://orbital.horse/users/emma/statuses/117442987011752361https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://orbital.horse/users/emma/statuses/117442987011752361Thu, 15 Oct 2026 04:16:05 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. on Thu, 15 Oct 2026 04:11:23 GMT]]>@samhenrigold
Thanks! I always wondered about that. 👍

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://beige.party/users/Nerde/statuses/117442968523360879https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://beige.party/users/Nerde/statuses/117442968523360879Thu, 15 Oct 2026 04:11:23 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. on Thu, 15 Oct 2026 04:11:11 GMT]]>@samhenrigold Seems legit.

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://cyberplace.social/ap/users/116736157528970885/statuses/117442967723504562https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://cyberplace.social/ap/users/116736157528970885/statuses/117442967723504562Thu, 15 Oct 2026 04:11:11 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. on Thu, 15 Oct 2026 03:59:32 GMT]]>@samhenrigold

Rapture sequence from Six Feet Under:

https://youtu.be/pV-_GDveft8

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://sfba.social/users/morgan/statuses/117442921921285308https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://sfba.social/users/morgan/statuses/117442921921285308Thu, 15 Oct 2026 03:59:32 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. on Thu, 15 Oct 2026 03:27:22 GMT]]>@samhenrigold Watch out for those oversized ceiling fans.

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://mastodon.gamedev.place/users/jkaniarz/statuses/117442795455399152https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://mastodon.gamedev.place/users/jkaniarz/statuses/117442795455399152Thu, 15 Oct 2026 03:27:22 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. on Thu, 15 Oct 2026 03:22:58 GMT]]>@samhenrigold

Is it time for another rapture? When is it this time?

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://metalhead.club/users/DXMacGuffin/statuses/117442778137621492https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://metalhead.club/users/DXMacGuffin/statuses/117442778137621492Thu, 15 Oct 2026 03:22:58 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. on Thu, 15 Oct 2026 03:19:31 GMT]]>@samhenrigold Then you turn into a pigeon.

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://beige.party/users/sunumbral/statuses/117442764566366362https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://beige.party/users/sunumbral/statuses/117442764566366362Thu, 15 Oct 2026 03:19:31 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. on Thu, 15 Oct 2026 03:15:42 GMT]]>@samhenrigold heavens just like costco but the hot dogs are free so

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://hachyderm.io/users/phillmv/statuses/117442749540212980https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://hachyderm.io/users/phillmv/statuses/117442749540212980Thu, 15 Oct 2026 03:15:42 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. on Thu, 15 Oct 2026 02:48:02 GMT]]>@samhenrigold It there a Xtian version of Costco whose skylights open in event of Rapture? Then you'd just have to bounce along the ceiling until you reached one and VOOM, off ya go.

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://dice.camp/users/StefanEJones/statuses/117442640741509434https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://dice.camp/users/StefanEJones/statuses/117442640741509434Thu, 15 Oct 2026 02:48:02 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. on Thu, 15 Oct 2026 02:41:15 GMT]]>@samhenrigold and just like rogue balloons, local children will be paid to work evenings to shoot them down with BB guns

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://mastodon.social/users/falcennial/statuses/117442614109787981https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://mastodon.social/users/falcennial/statuses/117442614109787981Thu, 15 Oct 2026 02:41:15 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. on Thu, 15 Oct 2026 02:32:06 GMT]]>@samhenrigold @MerileeDK Naked…don’t forget naked.

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://cosocial.ca/ap/users/116274777763908831/statuses/117442578127273325https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://cosocial.ca/ap/users/116274777763908831/statuses/117442578127273325Thu, 15 Oct 2026 02:32:06 GMT