<![CDATA["Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.”]]>"Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.”

A friend just shared this advice with me, in a conversation about a tough situation she's dealing with, and I wish someone had said this to me when I was very young (instead of implicitly and explicitly telling me the opposite, as is common for people socialized as female).

Sharing here for all those (of all genders) who could use to hear it.

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/topic/fae0512c-55f6-416a-a503-99c0bf7965f9/your-boundaries-have-to-be-stronger-than-your-empathy.RSS for NodeMon, 29 Jun 2026 20:06:47 GMTSun, 21 Jun 2026 01:49:14 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to "Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.” on Sun, 21 Jun 2026 13:55:58 GMT]]>@ShaulaEvans Situational boundaries was a hard learned skill. My wiring led to my failure to recognize my functional carrying capacity, and then suffer long periods where i helped no one and barely stayed afloat myself. It taught me eventually. I need to stay balanced. Help while i can, step back and recover. If they're not literally my dependent, I am not the only resource another person has and i need to remember that sometimes. But after I rest i return. 'Humans' evolved bc we're supportive.

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://mstdn.social/users/whatzaname/statuses/116788439183248378https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://mstdn.social/users/whatzaname/statuses/116788439183248378Sun, 21 Jun 2026 13:55:58 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to "Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.” on Sun, 21 Jun 2026 13:02:18 GMT]]>@_rya_ Indeed, empathy has an implied range of lesser-to-greater. Many overlap with how much give-to-take they have left in their range, at the moment.

Ahh the physics of scalar behavioral ranges. Too bad Behavioral Science isn't Core Education.

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://mastodon.social/ap/users/115482733208514503/statuses/116788228138368490https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://mastodon.social/ap/users/115482733208514503/statuses/116788228138368490Sun, 21 Jun 2026 13:02:18 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to "Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.” on Sun, 21 Jun 2026 10:32:51 GMT]]>@ShaulaEvans

I am thinking a lot about that. Sometimes people use „boundaries“ to avoid accountability and empathy. So I see some danger in that.

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://subversive.zone/users/_rya_/statuses/116787640517168843https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://subversive.zone/users/_rya_/statuses/116787640517168843Sun, 21 Jun 2026 10:32:51 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to "Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.” on Sun, 21 Jun 2026 09:27:22 GMT]]>@ShaulaEvans "when does love become self-erasure?" is one of those unfair binds life throws at you, made worse by illness - a boundary may mean leaving a person without support

the act of caring for yourself then hurts you as well

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://mastodon.social/users/mmby/statuses/116787383024833016https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://mastodon.social/users/mmby/statuses/116787383024833016Sun, 21 Jun 2026 09:27:22 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to "Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.” on Sun, 21 Jun 2026 09:18:31 GMT]]>@ShaulaEvans goodness that lands

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://hachyderm.io/users/coldclimate/statuses/116787348204040960https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://hachyderm.io/users/coldclimate/statuses/116787348204040960Sun, 21 Jun 2026 09:18:31 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to "Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.” on Sun, 21 Jun 2026 07:46:52 GMT]]>@ShaulaEvans that is very profound

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://toot.wales/ap/users/116262686504612768/statuses/116786987848877231https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://toot.wales/ap/users/116262686504612768/statuses/116786987848877231Sun, 21 Jun 2026 07:46:52 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to "Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.” on Sun, 21 Jun 2026 06:57:47 GMT]]>@Soozcat I'd agree with this mostly.

In my experience, the exception is people in crisis: they are desperate for help and in their desperation may, understandably, disregard boundaries. But that doesn't mean your own boundaries, limits and resource limitations are any less important.

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://zirk.us/users/ShaulaEvans/statuses/116786794813155929https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://zirk.us/users/ShaulaEvans/statuses/116786794813155929Sun, 21 Jun 2026 06:57:47 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to "Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.” on Sun, 21 Jun 2026 06:48:22 GMT]]>@ShaulaEvans It's been my experience that the folks who push boundaries the hardest usually don't have any of the empathy for others that they demand for themselves.

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://raphus.social/ap/users/116778872182498873/statuses/116786757777649318https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://raphus.social/ap/users/116778872182498873/statuses/116786757777649318Sun, 21 Jun 2026 06:48:22 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to "Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.” on Sun, 21 Jun 2026 06:26:23 GMT]]>@FluentInFinance 💯

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://zirk.us/users/ShaulaEvans/statuses/116786671333979302https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://zirk.us/users/ShaulaEvans/statuses/116786671333979302Sun, 21 Jun 2026 06:26:23 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to "Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.” on Sun, 21 Jun 2026 04:37:20 GMT]]>Boundaries don’t push the right people away.

They help reveal who respects you and who only liked having access to you.

@ShaulaEvans

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://mastodon.social/users/FluentInFinance/statuses/116786242520236586https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://mastodon.social/users/FluentInFinance/statuses/116786242520236586Sun, 21 Jun 2026 04:37:20 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to "Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.” on Sun, 21 Jun 2026 04:15:54 GMT]]>@GeePawHill Don't worry, I agree that we need more empathy in the world in general -- but my god, it is unevenly distributed.

I hear you on trying not to be swamped by the sorrow and grief of others. I don't know how caring people can survive these times, and I don't know how we can ever support each other enough.

I just know that we keep getting back up and trying.

Stay safe out there, do your best, and give yourself grace.

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://zirk.us/users/ShaulaEvans/statuses/116786158286889685https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://zirk.us/users/ShaulaEvans/statuses/116786158286889685Sun, 21 Jun 2026 04:15:54 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to "Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.” on Sun, 21 Jun 2026 03:22:24 GMT]]>@ShaulaEvans

What a useful, important piece of advice!

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://toad.social/users/murodegrizeco/statuses/116785947915078431https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://toad.social/users/murodegrizeco/statuses/116785947915078431Sun, 21 Jun 2026 03:22:24 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to "Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.” on Sun, 21 Jun 2026 03:08:54 GMT]]>@ShaulaEvans Understood.

I *would* advise folks to take care of themselves, that's for sure.

Anyway, I'm hardly a fount of wisdom on the topic. I can't be in a gathering of more than 4 people these days, even my closest friends and family. More sorrow and grief than I can handle and stay even as marginally sober as I do.

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://mastodon.social/users/GeePawHill/statuses/116785894833098949https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://mastodon.social/users/GeePawHill/statuses/116785894833098949Sun, 21 Jun 2026 03:08:54 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to "Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.” on Sun, 21 Jun 2026 03:05:46 GMT]]>@GeePawHill It's what I see a lot of among the good people I know in the world.

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://zirk.us/users/ShaulaEvans/statuses/116785882507031236https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://zirk.us/users/ShaulaEvans/statuses/116785882507031236Sun, 21 Jun 2026 03:05:46 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to "Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.” on Sun, 21 Jun 2026 02:57:24 GMT]]>@ShaulaEvans
There are a lot of dangerous self-described fake "empaths" out there.
Don't give them an inch.

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://mastodon.social/ap/users/116751856983272453/statuses/116785849625897012https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://mastodon.social/ap/users/116751856983272453/statuses/116785849625897012Sun, 21 Jun 2026 02:57:24 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to "Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.” on Sun, 21 Jun 2026 02:26:31 GMT]]>@ShaulaEvans Speaking as a pathological empath, I can certainly attest that empathy can be turned up too high. Gotta be honest, tho, that's not mostly what I see in the world.

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://mastodon.social/users/GeePawHill/statuses/116785728129903879https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://mastodon.social/users/GeePawHill/statuses/116785728129903879Sun, 21 Jun 2026 02:26:31 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to "Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.” on Sun, 21 Jun 2026 02:25:30 GMT]]>@ShaulaEvans Oh, this makes sense!
I can have all kinds of empathy but the boundaries are the bottom line.

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://mathstodon.xyz/users/geonz/statuses/116785724159891686https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://mathstodon.xyz/users/geonz/statuses/116785724159891686Sun, 21 Jun 2026 02:25:30 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to "Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.” on Sun, 21 Jun 2026 01:50:06 GMT]]>@ShaulaEvans Ooooh. Yeah, that's a very good thing to keep in mind. Thanks for sharing.

]]>https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://esq.social/users/LeslieBurns/statuses/116785584931561021https://forum.fedi.dk/post/https://esq.social/users/LeslieBurns/statuses/116785584931561021Sun, 21 Jun 2026 01:50:06 GMT