After I finished my second double gin and tonic, I felt woozy, unstable on my feet. Then I realized: my drink had probably been drugged! I had a beer, then two more, to clean out my system, but they made me feel even dizzier. I thought some exercise might counteract the drug, so I got up on the diving board and started dancing. But it was no use. When the drug finally wore off, I was lying in the backyard wearing nothing but a hula skirt.”

- Jack Handey, R.I.P.

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