I hope John Roberts can't watch the NFL playoff games today because he has explosive diarrhea.
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@nanowiz@vmst.io _/\_
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I hope John Roberts' shoelace breaks, and not at home where he could just change shoes. And that those shoes have fairly short laces anyway, and that it breaks right at the eyelet where the knot will get in the way.
I hope John Roberts orders Chinese for lunch and it comes with those chopsticks that are rectangular in cross-section instead of round and when he separates them it splinters just a little and he gets a tiny splinter in the ball of his index finger and it's one of those splinters that's set so deeply there's only a tiny little nub sticking out that's not enough to grab with tweezers but every time he picks up a pen or taps a keyboard it jiggles it and hurts annoyingly.
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@david So so I, but that would impugn a proof and delicious ethnic cuisine, and also I already used that wish in the very first curse in this long thread.
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@david Easy answer: you're a slacker! (Said by a fellow slacker, so don't worry, I'm not judging you.)
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@david Also, it's probably a "tell" that I'm defining "slacker" as "someone who doesn't spend enough time on Mastodon to catch every single one of my posts in real time."
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@sarae Tell me more about the smell. (And are there blackberries in D.C.?)
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@sarae Is... is it under the floorboards?
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@sarae Please don't say it also bubbles up from the Jacuzzi jets.
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@sarae Who doesn't, at least indirectly?
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I hope John Roberts orders Chinese for lunch and it comes with those chopsticks that are rectangular in cross-section instead of round and when he separates them it splinters just a little and he gets a tiny splinter in the ball of his index finger and it's one of those splinters that's set so deeply there's only a tiny little nub sticking out that's not enough to grab with tweezers but every time he picks up a pen or taps a keyboard it jiggles it and hurts annoyingly.
I hope John Roberts goes to see "Inherit The Wind" at the Fichandler Stage in D.C. tonight and feels out of touch with the rest of the audience because why would anyone root for the criminal teaching evolution to innocent children, and then on the drive home he praises the righteous lawyer fighting to keep God's Word in the public schools and his wife responds by asking contemptuously how she ever could have married such an asshole and it makes him feel really confused and lonely and sad.
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@goatrodeo I used to think he had one.
I was a sweet summer child back then.
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I hope John Roberts goes to see "Inherit The Wind" at the Fichandler Stage in D.C. tonight and feels out of touch with the rest of the audience because why would anyone root for the criminal teaching evolution to innocent children, and then on the drive home he praises the righteous lawyer fighting to keep God's Word in the public schools and his wife responds by asking contemptuously how she ever could have married such an asshole and it makes him feel really confused and lonely and sad.
I hope John Roberts gets a flat tire today when he's already running late.
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@karlauerbach Yes, but old lawyers who've had clerks and research assistants for decades don't necessarily know that, which is why I portray him as puzzled.
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@karlauerbach That is perfect; thank you for sharing.
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I hope John Roberts gets a flat tire today when he's already running late.
I hope John Roberts gets a letter today from Harvard revoking both his bachelor's and law degrees simply because the university's trustees unanimously think he's a ginormous asshole.
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I hope John Roberts gets a letter today from Harvard revoking both his bachelor's and law degrees simply because the university's trustees unanimously think he's a ginormous asshole.
I hope John Roberts needs to hop a quick flight to New York today to give a lecture but never got a Real ID so he's stopped by TSA before boarding and okay whatever he pays the $45 fee for TSA to confirm his identity online but they've started using an AI for that and the AI somehow conflates Chief Justice of the Supreme Court with Iran's Supreme Leader of the Council of Experts and he's arrested and held for three days in a DHS facility in, ironically, New York before someone finally figures it out.
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I hope John Roberts needs to hop a quick flight to New York today to give a lecture but never got a Real ID so he's stopped by TSA before boarding and okay whatever he pays the $45 fee for TSA to confirm his identity online but they've started using an AI for that and the AI somehow conflates Chief Justice of the Supreme Court with Iran's Supreme Leader of the Council of Experts and he's arrested and held for three days in a DHS facility in, ironically, New York before someone finally figures it out.
I hope John Roberts is feeling pretty good this morning as he sits at his kitchen table sipping coffee and scanning the day's news, until he sees this story that public confidence in the Supreme Court is at all all-time low and he goes from feeling pretty good to wanting to crawl back in bed. https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/supreme-court/poll-confidence-supreme-court-drops-record-low-rcna262459
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@boelder Yeah, but they still care about their legacies. Not shame but ego.
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I hope John Roberts is feeling pretty good this morning as he sits at his kitchen table sipping coffee and scanning the day's news, until he sees this story that public confidence in the Supreme Court is at all all-time low and he goes from feeling pretty good to wanting to crawl back in bed. https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/supreme-court/poll-confidence-supreme-court-drops-record-low-rcna262459
I hope John Roberts has a tickly stray hair but every time he smooths the hair back on his temples that tickly hair doesn't go away and he finally looks in a mirror and realizes he has a single 3-inch long twisty thick dark hair growing right out of the forward edge of his actual ear, and he successfully plucks it but spends the rest of the day having troubling thoughts about aging and mortality.
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I hope John Roberts has a tickly stray hair but every time he smooths the hair back on his temples that tickly hair doesn't go away and he finally looks in a mirror and realizes he has a single 3-inch long twisty thick dark hair growing right out of the forward edge of his actual ear, and he successfully plucks it but spends the rest of the day having troubling thoughts about aging and mortality.
(What, are some of my John Roberts curses inspired by incidents in my personal life? Why ever would you think that?)
