I hope John Roberts can't watch the NFL playoff games today because he has explosive diarrhea.
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@ShiitakeToast I'll admit it's not always easy sticking to John Roberts as the target of my maledictions, because the other justices are so painfully bad. I guess I chose him because he's the most privileged white man I can think of, and he's doing every fucking thing in the most privileged white man way possible, and with his superb education and working class background he has no freaking excuse. Also, he's who pushed the idea of abusing the shadow docket, and he's who wrote the opinion holding the president above the law, so fuck that guy.
(I did have him leave a dildo in Clarence Thomas's inbox, however!)
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(P.S.: I also hope the grandchild gets better immediately after the conference where the justices cast their votes, and then is given delicious ice cream.)
I hope that this afternoon after lunch John Roberts gets sleepy and nods off at his desk and when he awakens he discovers that the fairies have caused him to grow a long beard and braided it densely with periwinkles.
(Edit: add illustrative photo.)
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I hope that this afternoon after lunch John Roberts gets sleepy and nods off at his desk and when he awakens he discovers that the fairies have caused him to grow a long beard and braided it densely with periwinkles.
(Edit: add illustrative photo.)
I hope that this morning when John Roberts wakes up the fairy beard has grown back.
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I hope that this morning when John Roberts wakes up the fairy beard has grown back.
I hope John Roberts' pleasure today in his former law clerk William Baude's hagiographic drivel in today's NY Times is undercut by the memory that even back then Baude was a smarmy, asskissing toady that no one liked, not even Roberts. https://www.nytimes.com/2026/04/24/opinion/shadow-docket-supreme-court-john-roberts.html
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I hope John Roberts' pleasure today in his former law clerk William Baude's hagiographic drivel in today's NY Times is undercut by the memory that even back then Baude was a smarmy, asskissing toady that no one liked, not even Roberts. https://www.nytimes.com/2026/04/24/opinion/shadow-docket-supreme-court-john-roberts.html
Today I hope John Roberts decides to clean out his nightstand drawer and notices that the small bottle of lube he and his wife use every time they make love has a 2021 expiration date, and it's still 2/3 full, and it wasn't a very big bottle to start with.
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@adhdeanasl
Maybe he'll discover that one in her purse later. And it'll have a kinky name.(And although it will vaguely upset him, he still won't allow himself to quite figure out what it means; see also 2/15 and 3/29.)
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@jeffron Only Mother opens HER nightstand drawer. God help him if he ever sees what's in that one!
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Today I hope John Roberts decides to clean out his nightstand drawer and notices that the small bottle of lube he and his wife use every time they make love has a 2021 expiration date, and it's still 2/3 full, and it wasn't a very big bottle to start with.
This morning as he's leaving the shower I hope John Roberts isn't paying attention where he's walking because he's engrossed in a Rambo daydream fantasy about bravely saving everyone from a crazed assassin at the White House Correspondents' Dinner, and he accidentally steps barefoot on a Lego left on the floor by one of his visiting grandchildren and with the sudden surprising pain his emotions well up unexpectedly and he finds himself lying naked on the wet linoleum floor holding his hurt foot and sobbing because he hates and misses his daddy so, so much.
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@JohanDiederik Every parent does.
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@karlauerbach Nah. I will pursue and jinx him every single day no matter what he does or how far he tries to run.
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This morning as he's leaving the shower I hope John Roberts isn't paying attention where he's walking because he's engrossed in a Rambo daydream fantasy about bravely saving everyone from a crazed assassin at the White House Correspondents' Dinner, and he accidentally steps barefoot on a Lego left on the floor by one of his visiting grandchildren and with the sudden surprising pain his emotions well up unexpectedly and he finds himself lying naked on the wet linoleum floor holding his hurt foot and sobbing because he hates and misses his daddy so, so much.
I hope John Roberts woke up this morning with a really stuffy nose.
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@Crowjane Give it time, friend. PND takes awhile to irritate the tissues.
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I hope John Roberts woke up this morning with a really stuffy nose.
This morning I hope that as usual John Roberts put on one sock and then one Florsheim wingtip and tied its laces (because that's how he does it, one shoe at a time like Meathead on "All in the Family"), and then when he stood up to push his other heel into the other shoe something squished underfoot and when he took the shoe back off to look there was a green, melon flavored, sweet-bean-curd-filled mochi completely mushed into his sock and the crevices inside his shoe, and he has absolutely no idea how a melon mochi got into his shoe, and also he was wearing his favorite socks that feel really silky against his feet and now he has to change them.
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@sarae I was thinking of this: https://youtu.be/keX9D-KhqRI?si=FRjM6wpunFXjdA5s
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@roknrol @sarae Absolutely. The problem is, half of America thought Archie Bunker was a truthteller merely disguised as an idiot, the same way Russian writers put criticisms of the Czar into the mouths of drunkards so that the writer wouldn't be sent to a gulag. This sheer number of people who agreed with Archie should have been a signal that progressivism was in trouble, because those people went on to elect Reagan and started the cascade that led to today.
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This morning I hope that as usual John Roberts put on one sock and then one Florsheim wingtip and tied its laces (because that's how he does it, one shoe at a time like Meathead on "All in the Family"), and then when he stood up to push his other heel into the other shoe something squished underfoot and when he took the shoe back off to look there was a green, melon flavored, sweet-bean-curd-filled mochi completely mushed into his sock and the crevices inside his shoe, and he has absolutely no idea how a melon mochi got into his shoe, and also he was wearing his favorite socks that feel really silky against his feet and now he has to change them.
I hope John Roberts has a blister on one heel today because he didn't get to wear his better socks yesterday.
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@foolishowl @bweller @roknrol @sarae I think you guys all are missing the point. The Empire's stormtroopers are entirely good, because they're horrible shots who never hit anyone. A supposed "empire" whose shock troops are completely ineffective is effectively a pacifist state, which by definition is good.
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@sarae I was thinking of this: https://youtu.be/keX9D-KhqRI?si=FRjM6wpunFXjdA5s
@sarae I fixed the "one shoe" problem in the post. Thanks for pointing out the lack of clarity, which was bugging me subliminally but which I hadn't quite identified.
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I hope John Roberts has a blister on one heel today because he didn't get to wear his better socks yesterday.
My meanest #IHopeJohnRoberts to date, for good reason:
This morning I hope John Roberts can't find any matched pairs of socks because his Black housekeeper hid one sock from every pair before she left yesterday, and then that on his way to work this morning he stopped at a drive-through for coffee and his Black barista put seven pink packets of saccharine in it instead of two sugars and then the Supreme Court building's Black doorman noticed he had dog slobber on his pants and didn't tell him and then today he goes out for lunch and the Black cook spits in his gumbo and then his waiter does too and this evening on his way home he stops for a cocktail with a friend and his Black bartender slyly pisses just a little in his Manhattan and the white ally cocktail waitress adds a cherry she dropped on the floor and things like this keep happening all day today and every single other day for the rest of his privileged, racist, godforsaken life, right up to the very end when his immigrant Latina ICU nurse will see he has soiled himself in bed and just ignores it and leaves him festering in his own shit for three more hours and that's how he passes away.
John Roberts’ effort to gut the Voting Rights Act is complete | CNN Politics https://www.cnn.com/2026/04/30/politics/john-roberts-voting-rights-act-race-protections
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@LeslieBurns _/\_
