I hope John Roberts can't watch the NFL playoff games today because he has explosive diarrhea.
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Today I hope that when John Roberts gets to work everyone is agitated about the AI-hallucinated citations in the document he posted yesterday (see above) but no one has realized he's the one who did it because no one would ever think a CJ could be that foolish, so everyone is trying to figure out which clerk was stupid enough to (a) use Grok to write an opinion and (b) not even cite-check it before posting it online, and Alito is especially furious and has corned a Roberts clerk he's always suspected to have secret liberal tendencies and is dressing him down to the point that the clerk (who's not a bad guy for a Yalie) has tears streaming down his face, and Roberts normally would have come to his clerk's defense but he's so mortified by his own error and so terrified of being discovered that instead of doing the right thing he locks himself in his private washroom and bursts into tears himself, and by the end of the day that clerk and one other one have resigned (which is absolutely unheard of), and then at around 4pm a tech figures out which computer posted the flawed document and yes it's his and so everyone in the building goes home knowing that not only is the Chief Justice a befuddled fuckup who trusted Grok but also that he lacks the character to even admit when he's wrong, and just as he's leaving a secretary tells him seventeen reporters have left messages asking to speak with him and he just ignores her, gets in his car, and drives away, unsure whether he's going home or to a nearby bridge.
#IHopeJohnRobertsToday I hope John Roberts woke up in a drunk tank because last night he went to a bar instead of the other places I mentioned, and got completely hammered hoping to forget his embarrassment and cowardice yesterday, and got picked up by the police with a BAC of 0.18, and his wife had to come get him and didn't say a word as she drove him home to shower and change clothes, and then he Ubered to work because she said driving him would just be enabling, and when he finally got to work he walked silently past his disapproving colleagues and disappointed clerks, and now he's in his chamber alone, really hung over and miserable and he wants to disappear and also don't forget two of his clerks quit yesterday so suddenly he's behind on his work as well. #IHopeJohnRoberts
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Today I hope John Roberts woke up in a drunk tank because last night he went to a bar instead of the other places I mentioned, and got completely hammered hoping to forget his embarrassment and cowardice yesterday, and got picked up by the police with a BAC of 0.18, and his wife had to come get him and didn't say a word as she drove him home to shower and change clothes, and then he Ubered to work because she said driving him would just be enabling, and when he finally got to work he walked silently past his disapproving colleagues and disappointed clerks, and now he's in his chamber alone, really hung over and miserable and he wants to disappear and also don't forget two of his clerks quit yesterday so suddenly he's behind on his work as well. #IHopeJohnRoberts
[OOC] OKAY I NEED TO START SCRIBING #IHopeJohnRoberts ON THIN SHEETS OF LEAD! https://www.history.com/articles/what-were-ancient-roman-curse-tablets
^ @evacide
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@mycotropic _/\_
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@mycotropic Oh, well played, sir!
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[OOC] OKAY I NEED TO START SCRIBING #IHopeJohnRoberts ON THIN SHEETS OF LEAD! https://www.history.com/articles/what-were-ancient-roman-curse-tablets
^ @evacide
Today I hope John Roberts woke up still feeling really bad about the events of the last couple days, but with a glimmer of hope in the fact that it's Saturday and he has a couple days out of the public eye to sort things out, and then he opens the paper (which he still has delivered on paper) and on the front page is a story about his drunk driving arrest, illustrated by that photograph of him taken back on February 4 when he accidentally drank a roofied Tequila Sunrise. #IHopeJohnRoberts
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Today I hope John Roberts woke up still feeling really bad about the events of the last couple days, but with a glimmer of hope in the fact that it's Saturday and he has a couple days out of the public eye to sort things out, and then he opens the paper (which he still has delivered on paper) and on the front page is a story about his drunk driving arrest, illustrated by that photograph of him taken back on February 4 when he accidentally drank a roofied Tequila Sunrise. #IHopeJohnRoberts
Today I hope John Roberts doesn't get to say "Happy Mother's Day" to his wife because last night both of their adult children called to announce that in light of his decisions making the president immune from responsibility for crimes and then gutting the Civil Rights Act, not to mention his very public drunk driving arrest (see above), they are so ashamed they can't bear to even be in the same house as him, so last night she spent the night with one of them and then this morning they're all having a fancy brunch then going antiquing without him. #IHopeJohnRoberts
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@ai6yr @evacide I'm glad! I've been surprised to find out how personal these have become to me. I draw on things I love about my life and deny them to him, or I realize a fear I have and I make it come true for him. Hopefully other people see themselves a little in them as well, and count their own blessings too (as well as cackling with schadenfreude, of course).
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Today I hope John Roberts doesn't get to say "Happy Mother's Day" to his wife because last night both of their adult children called to announce that in light of his decisions making the president immune from responsibility for crimes and then gutting the Civil Rights Act, not to mention his very public drunk driving arrest (see above), they are so ashamed they can't bear to even be in the same house as him, so last night she spent the night with one of them and then this morning they're all having a fancy brunch then going antiquing without him. #IHopeJohnRoberts
Today I hope John Roberts has really bad heartburn and is even regurgitating a little stomach acid into his throat but he can't find any regular antacids so he takes a big gulp of Milk of Magnesia from the old bottle in the hall closet, forgetting that magnesium gives him the trots. #IHopeJohnRoberts
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Today I hope John Roberts has really bad heartburn and is even regurgitating a little stomach acid into his throat but he can't find any regular antacids so he takes a big gulp of Milk of Magnesia from the old bottle in the hall closet, forgetting that magnesium gives him the trots. #IHopeJohnRoberts
Today #IHopeJohnRoberts doesn't realize his wife's little dog threw up in his slippers until it's too late.
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Today #IHopeJohnRoberts doesn't realize his wife's little dog threw up in his slippers until it's too late.
Today #IHopeJohnRoberts notices that his morning OJ has a sort of metallic taste, and then later feels like something's off somehow as he chews a slice of apple, and probes his teeth with his tongue but can't feel anything different, but the metallic taste persists and by the end of the day he realizes one of his old amalgam fillings has cracked and now he can even feel the little edge with his tongue.
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Today #IHopeJohnRoberts notices that his morning OJ has a sort of metallic taste, and then later feels like something's off somehow as he chews a slice of apple, and probes his teeth with his tongue but can't feel anything different, but the metallic taste persists and by the end of the day he realizes one of his old amalgam fillings has cracked and now he can even feel the little edge with his tongue.
Two words: crotch rot. #IHopeJohnRoberts
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Two words: crotch rot. #IHopeJohnRoberts
Last night #IHopeJohnRoberts got up in the middle of the night to urinate (because: prostate), and he didn't want to wake up his wife so he just left the bathroom light off and aimed at the toilet, except (as sometimes happens with enlarged prostates) the flow hadn't completely finished flowing when it felt like it had and so as he started to tuck his unit (that's what his dad taught him to call it as a boy) away he felt about half an ounce of pee trickle down his thigh inside his pajama leg, so (again blindly) had to sort of blot himself off with toilet paper and then wash his hands in the dark and then when he finally crawled back into bed he remembered his wife has been sleeping in the guest bedroom lately (and hasn't even told him why), so there was no reason to leave the light off in the first place.
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Last night #IHopeJohnRoberts got up in the middle of the night to urinate (because: prostate), and he didn't want to wake up his wife so he just left the bathroom light off and aimed at the toilet, except (as sometimes happens with enlarged prostates) the flow hadn't completely finished flowing when it felt like it had and so as he started to tuck his unit (that's what his dad taught him to call it as a boy) away he felt about half an ounce of pee trickle down his thigh inside his pajama leg, so (again blindly) had to sort of blot himself off with toilet paper and then wash his hands in the dark and then when he finally crawled back into bed he remembered his wife has been sleeping in the guest bedroom lately (and hasn't even told him why), so there was no reason to leave the light off in the first place.
This morning #IHopeJohnRoberts was alone in bed remembering the lazy romantic beautiful lovemaking he and his wife used to do on Saturday mornings but that they've stopped doing because even though she's conservative she refuses to sleep with (let alone fuck) an outright fascist, and just remembering how it used to be turns him on, and he decides to masturbate, but he suffers an older-male-style equipment malfunction no matter how much lotion he uses, and ofc she's not there to do that very private thing with her pinky that usually solves that problem like magic, so he has to go through the rest of the day not only lonely and sad but also horny and frustrated.
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@david I'm not saying.* Whether John Roberts enjoys it when his wife slips a digit into his rectum is their marital secret
and I respect their privacy.*(*100% absolutely that's exactly what it is, but he would be mortified if, for example, Clarence Thomas or Leonard Leo knew.)
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This morning #IHopeJohnRoberts was alone in bed remembering the lazy romantic beautiful lovemaking he and his wife used to do on Saturday mornings but that they've stopped doing because even though she's conservative she refuses to sleep with (let alone fuck) an outright fascist, and just remembering how it used to be turns him on, and he decides to masturbate, but he suffers an older-male-style equipment malfunction no matter how much lotion he uses, and ofc she's not there to do that very private thing with her pinky that usually solves that problem like magic, so he has to go through the rest of the day not only lonely and sad but also horny and frustrated.
Today #IHopeJohnRoberts' tinea cruris flares up again, and so severely that it even oozes a little.
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Today #IHopeJohnRoberts' tinea cruris flares up again, and so severely that it even oozes a little.
Today #IHopeJohnRoberts develops heat rash and his skin feels itchy and stingy all day and the starch he has them put in his shirts isn't helping.
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@jandi No, I was just imagining that stiff shirts might make the heat rash worse (and implying that Roberts is the kind of straight who would have heavy starch in his shirts). On the other hand, one of the benefits of a starched shirt is that it keeps the cloth from clinging to you as much, which can help keep you cooler. Wish I had a better answer!
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@jandi ¡Igualmente, por supuesto! And I hope she feels better. I think I've heard that cornstarch sprinkled on skin is soothing, but I would do some research first.
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Today #IHopeJohnRoberts develops heat rash and his skin feels itchy and stingy all day and the starch he has them put in his shirts isn't helping.
Today I hope John Roberts went to the doctor for his oozing crotch fungus and painfully itchy, eruptive heat rash and also because his seasonal allergies are starting up again, and the doctor prescribed a couple different creams and also a cortisone injection that felt like boiling acid was injected into his arm muscle because that's how cortisone injections feel, and then he had to sit in the waiting room for 15 minutes to make sure he didn't have an allergic reaction to a medicine designed to block allergies, and the whole 15 minutes another patient in a Make America Healthy Again t-shirt coughed constantly while unmasked, and even after he left and got to work his arm still hurt. #IHopeJohnRoberts
