I hope John Roberts can't watch the NFL playoff games today because he has explosive diarrhea.
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As he reclines on the cheap motel bed next to his naked but clean new hobo friend (whose towel has slipped off), #IHopeJohnRoberts is pleasantly surprised to find he actually likes the slightly unusual taste of inexpensive Old Crow bourbon straight from a pint bottle, and takes another swig.
@msbellows don’t threaten him with a good time!
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As he reclines on the cheap motel bed next to his naked but clean new hobo friend (whose towel has slipped off), #IHopeJohnRoberts is pleasantly surprised to find he actually likes the slightly unusual taste of inexpensive Old Crow bourbon straight from a pint bottle, and takes another swig.
As they lie on the cheap motel room bed getting drunker on Old Crow, #IHopeJohnRoberts's new hobo friend, who has completely forgotten he's supposed to be wearing a towel over his nakedness, flips on the TV and there's a story about the Supreme Court that shows the Chief Justice and the naked friend slurs, "that guy looks a lot like you, Lewis,' but then keeps channel surfing until he finds a rerun of Judge Judy and they both watch as they continue drinking.
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As they lie on the cheap motel room bed getting drunker on Old Crow, #IHopeJohnRoberts's new hobo friend, who has completely forgotten he's supposed to be wearing a towel over his nakedness, flips on the TV and there's a story about the Supreme Court that shows the Chief Justice and the naked friend slurs, "that guy looks a lot like you, Lewis,' but then keeps channel surfing until he finds a rerun of Judge Judy and they both watch as they continue drinking.
When he climbs out of the cheap hotel bed to take a leak, #IHopeJohnRoberts stumbles a little and realizes he's drunker than he thought, but when he comes back to the room where his new hobo friend is lying naked, his friend suggests they need even more booze, so Roberts takes out his wallet and gives his friend some money and loans him some of his own clothes to wear and the hobo friend dresses and stumbles out the door to return to the liquor store, and while he's gone Roberts has the first really sensible idea he's had in quite a while and takes his main cash stash from under the mattress and divides it in three, some going back under the mattress, some going in his wallet, and some going under a dirty towel at the far end of the shelf in the closet, and then he lays down again sipping the remainder of his pint of bourbon and continues watching Judge Judy, thinking she's actually not doing that bad a job from the bench.
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When he climbs out of the cheap hotel bed to take a leak, #IHopeJohnRoberts stumbles a little and realizes he's drunker than he thought, but when he comes back to the room where his new hobo friend is lying naked, his friend suggests they need even more booze, so Roberts takes out his wallet and gives his friend some money and loans him some of his own clothes to wear and the hobo friend dresses and stumbles out the door to return to the liquor store, and while he's gone Roberts has the first really sensible idea he's had in quite a while and takes his main cash stash from under the mattress and divides it in three, some going back under the mattress, some going in his wallet, and some going under a dirty towel at the far end of the shelf in the closet, and then he lays down again sipping the remainder of his pint of bourbon and continues watching Judge Judy, thinking she's actually not doing that bad a job from the bench.
#IHopeJohnRoberts, more than half drunk already, opens his cheap motel room's door to find his new hobo friend has returned from his liquor store run bearing two plastic half-gallons of Potter's vodka, two liters of Sprite, another pint of Old Crow because "Lewis" said he liked it, and two women who appear to be prostitutes.
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#IHopeJohnRoberts, more than half drunk already, opens his cheap motel room's door to find his new hobo friend has returned from his liquor store run bearing two plastic half-gallons of Potter's vodka, two liters of Sprite, another pint of Old Crow because "Lewis" said he liked it, and two women who appear to be prostitutes.
#IHopeJohnRoberts briefly considered not letting disaster into his cheap Kansas City motel room, but one of the sketchy women with his new hobo friend is the darker-complexioned bawd he was so aroused by earlier when he glimpsed her naked in some other guy's room, so Roberts lets them all in and closes the door behind them, as anyone who's ever hit rock bottom due to poor life choices probably suspected he would.
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#IHopeJohnRoberts briefly considered not letting disaster into his cheap Kansas City motel room, but one of the sketchy women with his new hobo friend is the darker-complexioned bawd he was so aroused by earlier when he glimpsed her naked in some other guy's room, so Roberts lets them all in and closes the door behind them, as anyone who's ever hit rock bottom due to poor life choices probably suspected he would.
#IHopeJohnRoberts 's new hobo friend reassures him that the two women he brought to their cheap K.C. motel room aren't there in their capacity as streetwalkers, but merely as friends who just want to hang out and have a cocktail or two, which sounds harmless and comes as a bit of a relief to John (who, let's be honest, no longer seems to have any morals when it comes to widows, orphans, the strangers among us, etc., but still feels some compunction about sexual matters).
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#IHopeJohnRoberts 's new hobo friend reassures him that the two women he brought to their cheap K.C. motel room aren't there in their capacity as streetwalkers, but merely as friends who just want to hang out and have a cocktail or two, which sounds harmless and comes as a bit of a relief to John (who, let's be honest, no longer seems to have any morals when it comes to widows, orphans, the strangers among us, etc., but still feels some compunction about sexual matters).
As he becomes increasingly drunk on vodka and Sprite served in the flimsy plastic-wrapped plastic cups that came with his cheap motel room, #IHopeJohnRoberts doesn't find himself led into moral error by the ladies his new hobo friend has brought over – but let's be honest, he probably will, especially since one of the ladies has just produced a spliff, which John hasn't tried since he was an undergrad at Harvard, and honestly that was mostly the shake and seeds the Harvard Square dealers sold to rich kids who didn't know any better.
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As he becomes increasingly drunk on vodka and Sprite served in the flimsy plastic-wrapped plastic cups that came with his cheap motel room, #IHopeJohnRoberts doesn't find himself led into moral error by the ladies his new hobo friend has brought over – but let's be honest, he probably will, especially since one of the ladies has just produced a spliff, which John hasn't tried since he was an undergrad at Harvard, and honestly that was mostly the shake and seeds the Harvard Square dealers sold to rich kids who didn't know any better.
It's not that hot in Kansas City today but it is very humid, so when he sees that the prostitute who is passing him the lit joint has taken her top off #IHopeJohnRoberts isn't even that surprised but just accepts the joint, takes a hit (not even coughing that much), and finishes his vodka and Sprite, feeling the crossfade spread pleasantly across his whole body and barely noticing as the topless woman curls up next to him on the motel room bed and presses her bare breasts against him.
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It's not that hot in Kansas City today but it is very humid, so when he sees that the prostitute who is passing him the lit joint has taken her top off #IHopeJohnRoberts isn't even that surprised but just accepts the joint, takes a hit (not even coughing that much), and finishes his vodka and Sprite, feeling the crossfade spread pleasantly across his whole body and barely noticing as the topless woman curls up next to him on the motel room bed and presses her bare breasts against him.
#IHopeJohnRoberts now is completely crossfaded on vodka and weed and so is the topless woman next to him who incidentally is the same one that aroused him so much when he saw her earlier in another guy's room with clothespins on her nipples and his new hobo friend is doing something complicated to the other woman on the hotel room's tipped-forward cuck chair and did I mention that the Chief Justice is completely crossfaded and also please remember it's been a very long time since his wife left so I believe we should politely draw a curtain across the sordid scene for now.
For now.
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#IHopeJohnRoberts now is completely crossfaded on vodka and weed and so is the topless woman next to him who incidentally is the same one that aroused him so much when he saw her earlier in another guy's room with clothespins on her nipples and his new hobo friend is doing something complicated to the other woman on the hotel room's tipped-forward cuck chair and did I mention that the Chief Justice is completely crossfaded and also please remember it's been a very long time since his wife left so I believe we should politely draw a curtain across the sordid scene for now.
For now.
#IHopeJohnRoberts had a lovely very drunk and very high time with the woman who is not his wife and that she did that thing to him that his wife only would do on his birthday, and when he gathered his inebriated courage and asked if he could also do the thing to her that *no* lover had ever let him do before, she replied laughingly, "that's the only way I *can* do it, honey!", and then afterwards when they both had to go pee they played that kids' game where they crossed swords, and then went back to bed.
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#IHopeJohnRoberts had a lovely very drunk and very high time with the woman who is not his wife and that she did that thing to him that his wife only would do on his birthday, and when he gathered his inebriated courage and asked if he could also do the thing to her that *no* lover had ever let him do before, she replied laughingly, "that's the only way I *can* do it, honey!", and then afterwards when they both had to go pee they played that kids' game where they crossed swords, and then went back to bed.
When he wakes up this morning after his stoned, passionate night with a woman who wasn't his wife, #IHopeJohnRoberts isn't too hung over and feels contented, not guilty, because she was so sweet and pretty and generous and creative in bed that he will remember it forever as the peak erotic experience of his life, and his only ambivalence is that he isn't sure whether that's in spite of her having a penis or because of it.
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When he wakes up this morning after his stoned, passionate night with a woman who wasn't his wife, #IHopeJohnRoberts isn't too hung over and feels contented, not guilty, because she was so sweet and pretty and generous and creative in bed that he will remember it forever as the peak erotic experience of his life, and his only ambivalence is that he isn't sure whether that's in spite of her having a penis or because of it.
#IHopeJohnRoberts then falls back asleep, having not even opened his eyes, and then really truly awakens a couple hours later, and oh okay *there's* that hangover, ow, and he stumbles to the bathroom and pukes and rinses his mouth, and looks at himself numbly in the mirror and remembers more about last night, and oh yeah *there's* that religious guilt and conservative transphobia, and now he wants to throw up again, even before he realizes that everyone's gone and he's alone in the room and his new hobo friend has taken some of his clothes and most of his money (from his wallet and under his mattress, leaving only the stash hidden under the dirty towel in the closet), and oh my god his head hurts so badly and also his heart and also he suddenly has the trots.
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#IHopeJohnRoberts then falls back asleep, having not even opened his eyes, and then really truly awakens a couple hours later, and oh okay *there's* that hangover, ow, and he stumbles to the bathroom and pukes and rinses his mouth, and looks at himself numbly in the mirror and remembers more about last night, and oh yeah *there's* that religious guilt and conservative transphobia, and now he wants to throw up again, even before he realizes that everyone's gone and he's alone in the room and his new hobo friend has taken some of his clothes and most of his money (from his wallet and under his mattress, leaving only the stash hidden under the dirty towel in the closet), and oh my god his head hurts so badly and also his heart and also he suddenly has the trots.
#IHopeJohnRoberts still is hung over and struggling with moral ambivalence and also keeps remembering the thing with the clothespins that he thought he'd use on her but that she actually used on him.
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#IHopeJohnRoberts still is hung over and struggling with moral ambivalence and also keeps remembering the thing with the clothespins that he thought he'd use on her but that she actually used on him.
#IHopeJohnRoberts decides that instead of continuing to lie in his motel room bed having a hungover moral crisis, he should go out and find some oatmeal or something soothing like that for breakfast, but when he opens the door he startles at the dead rat lying on the doorstep and stumbles and falls to one knee, skinning it badly and tearing his last remaining pair of pants, so he goes back inside and curls up on the bed again, blood from his knee staining the dirty sheets in a slowly widening circle.
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#IHopeJohnRoberts decides that instead of continuing to lie in his motel room bed having a hungover moral crisis, he should go out and find some oatmeal or something soothing like that for breakfast, but when he opens the door he startles at the dead rat lying on the doorstep and stumbles and falls to one knee, skinning it badly and tearing his last remaining pair of pants, so he goes back inside and curls up on the bed again, blood from his knee staining the dirty sheets in a slowly widening circle.
@msbellows It quickly gets infected, but he doesn't immediately notice because itchy bedbug bites distract him.
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#IHopeJohnRoberts decides that instead of continuing to lie in his motel room bed having a hungover moral crisis, he should go out and find some oatmeal or something soothing like that for breakfast, but when he opens the door he startles at the dead rat lying on the doorstep and stumbles and falls to one knee, skinning it badly and tearing his last remaining pair of pants, so he goes back inside and curls up on the bed again, blood from his knee staining the dirty sheets in a slowly widening circle.
@msbellows
I hope he has a spare pair of pants but they're hemmed a little strangely and there's a small patch by one of the pockets that has become felted by his phone and keys rubbing against it, and even though nobody else notices he's really self conscious about it all day long. -
@msbellows
I hope he has a spare pair of pants but they're hemmed a little strangely and there's a small patch by one of the pockets that has become felted by his phone and keys rubbing against it, and even though nobody else notices he's really self conscious about it all day long.@HG That would be nice for him, but he's not that lucky. His new hobo friend took all the others, as well as his favorite old Harvard Law sweatshirt.
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@msbellows
I hope he has a spare pair of pants but they're hemmed a little strangely and there's a small patch by one of the pockets that has become felted by his phone and keys rubbing against it, and even though nobody else notices he's really self conscious about it all day long.@HG @msbellows This is pure evil. And I respect that.
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@HG @msbellows This is pure evil. And I respect that.
@FeloniousPunk @HG I'm disappointed that HG forgot about the visible reinforcement where he caught one pocket on the arm of a chair as he was sitting down because they're old-school pleated and baggy and it tore.
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#IHopeJohnRoberts decides that instead of continuing to lie in his motel room bed having a hungover moral crisis, he should go out and find some oatmeal or something soothing like that for breakfast, but when he opens the door he startles at the dead rat lying on the doorstep and stumbles and falls to one knee, skinning it badly and tearing his last remaining pair of pants, so he goes back inside and curls up on the bed again, blood from his knee staining the dirty sheets in a slowly widening circle.
As he lies on the cheap motel room bed, hung-over and nearly broke and bleeding from his knee and experiencing a dark night of the soul,
#IHopeJohnRoberts falls back asleep and in a dream is visited by three rats, who remind him that he hasn't studied for an important test and also point out that he's naked in public and then chant that he's a failure and laugh at him scornfully, having somehow transformed into the shades of Antonin Scalia, his father, and his 1L Constitutional Law professor.
