I'm not a car person, so I never really paid attention to car makes or models before.
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@alice While I truly don't see it on this site, I'm fully aware there's easily thousands, tends of thousands even, of accounts and instances the admins of the instance I use have successfully whacked the banhammer at are largely why that's the case. I also deliberately don't hang out in large spaces on the internet because even the best intentioned and most respected mods in sufficiently large spaces will have people slip through the cracks.
I'm not saying anyone is at fault for not doing either of those things. I wish I didn't feel the need to do it for my own mental health. I wish I could feel comfortable that I could exist in larger spaces than I do with less aggressive moderation without suddenly facing an onslaught of precisely the abuse you described and more I suspect you didn't but also go through as someone with a significantly larger presence than my own.
[edited to fix a typo]
@disorderlyf @alice oh yeah the structure of the Fediverse compounds systemic blindness significantly. Even for trivial things we have very different views of what happens here. Even more so than on the commercial silos.
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I'm not a car person, so I never really paid attention to car makes or models before. Sure, I knew that there were Hondas and Hyundais, but unless someone was actively pointing them out, I couldn't tell you which was which.
Then I became the owner of a little red Ford Focus, and I started driving it around.
Next thing I knew, I was spotting them *everywhere*. I'd come out of the grocer and there'd be identical ones parked on both sides of me! Hell, I eventually got a window decal so I could more easily tell which was mine
A couple years ago I discovered I was lactose intolerant, and—bear with me, these stories are connected—I started keeping lactaid with me wherever I went (just to be safe). I started paying attention to just how much dairy was in things, and wow, spoiler: it's in like *everything*
Over the past couple years, I've gotten pretty used to being lactose intolerant. I keep lactase handy, and I watch out for things with "too much dairy". It's just become background noise—like noticing other Ford Focuses (Foci?). It's just part of my life now.
A couple months ago I got propositioned by a creep in my hotel's lobby.
A couple weeks ago I had slurs yelled at me as I walked down the street with my mom.
A couple days ago someone told me to kill myself in a DM.
Every day, someone says "really? I don't see stuff like that here".
@alice It's a matter of viewpoint. As a white person, I don't attract racism against blacks. I only see it when I happen to cross paths with a black person at just the right time to see it directed at them. That black person, though, sees it EVERY TIME it's directed at them. We're both seeing the same world, but from two radically different viewpoints due to our different skin colors. Too many people don't take that into account.
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I'm not a car person, so I never really paid attention to car makes or models before. Sure, I knew that there were Hondas and Hyundais, but unless someone was actively pointing them out, I couldn't tell you which was which.
Then I became the owner of a little red Ford Focus, and I started driving it around.
Next thing I knew, I was spotting them *everywhere*. I'd come out of the grocer and there'd be identical ones parked on both sides of me! Hell, I eventually got a window decal so I could more easily tell which was mine
A couple years ago I discovered I was lactose intolerant, and—bear with me, these stories are connected—I started keeping lactaid with me wherever I went (just to be safe). I started paying attention to just how much dairy was in things, and wow, spoiler: it's in like *everything*
Over the past couple years, I've gotten pretty used to being lactose intolerant. I keep lactase handy, and I watch out for things with "too much dairy". It's just become background noise—like noticing other Ford Focuses (Foci?). It's just part of my life now.
A couple months ago I got propositioned by a creep in my hotel's lobby.
A couple weeks ago I had slurs yelled at me as I walked down the street with my mom.
A couple days ago someone told me to kill myself in a DM.
Every day, someone says "really? I don't see stuff like that here".
@alice yup. I’m an immigrant in Germany, but an affluent, white, CIS, male and a native English speaker. I’ve never been subject to xenophobia. Hell, I’ve even been actively courted by AfD canvassers.
It would be easy for me to believe this evil doesn’t exist in Germany, but I speak to colleagues who hail from Africa or Asia. Their life looks quite different to mine. The same for women, trans folks, people with facial tattoos, …
Privilege is often invisible when you have it.
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I'm not a car person, so I never really paid attention to car makes or models before. Sure, I knew that there were Hondas and Hyundais, but unless someone was actively pointing them out, I couldn't tell you which was which.
Then I became the owner of a little red Ford Focus, and I started driving it around.
Next thing I knew, I was spotting them *everywhere*. I'd come out of the grocer and there'd be identical ones parked on both sides of me! Hell, I eventually got a window decal so I could more easily tell which was mine
A couple years ago I discovered I was lactose intolerant, and—bear with me, these stories are connected—I started keeping lactaid with me wherever I went (just to be safe). I started paying attention to just how much dairy was in things, and wow, spoiler: it's in like *everything*
Over the past couple years, I've gotten pretty used to being lactose intolerant. I keep lactase handy, and I watch out for things with "too much dairy". It's just become background noise—like noticing other Ford Focuses (Foci?). It's just part of my life now.
A couple months ago I got propositioned by a creep in my hotel's lobby.
A couple weeks ago I had slurs yelled at me as I walked down the street with my mom.
A couple days ago someone told me to kill myself in a DM.
Every day, someone says "really? I don't see stuff like that here".
@alice
Yeah, my kids are POC. When I tell some of my fellow humans about the racial struggles my minions have had in a predominantly white neighbourhood.They honestly thought, they were better than it. Highlighting it in their own backyard has created some enemies and some who wanted significant change.
Keep at it. Keep pushing, keep killing it.
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@alice ... it ends up being easier than constantly fighting off the notion that shitty things you don't see still exist.
I recall with intense clarity the shock (I grew up well protected and love my parents for this) when I was confronted with the facts about the abuse my friends endured. It took me months to process.
Then realizing how I contributed to making things worse for them, even though they fully understood me to be kind and harmless, was the kind of thing your brain begs you to deny.
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@alice @DJGummikuh It's also all of us tbh, if you are genuinely convinced you have never done at the very least a microaggression to a minority you're not a part of, you have not done enough work deconstructing your bias to notice. And that's a call to action for people, inform yourself!
@GLaDTheresCake @alice full ack.
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I'm not a car person, so I never really paid attention to car makes or models before. Sure, I knew that there were Hondas and Hyundais, but unless someone was actively pointing them out, I couldn't tell you which was which.
Then I became the owner of a little red Ford Focus, and I started driving it around.
Next thing I knew, I was spotting them *everywhere*. I'd come out of the grocer and there'd be identical ones parked on both sides of me! Hell, I eventually got a window decal so I could more easily tell which was mine
A couple years ago I discovered I was lactose intolerant, and—bear with me, these stories are connected—I started keeping lactaid with me wherever I went (just to be safe). I started paying attention to just how much dairy was in things, and wow, spoiler: it's in like *everything*
Over the past couple years, I've gotten pretty used to being lactose intolerant. I keep lactase handy, and I watch out for things with "too much dairy". It's just become background noise—like noticing other Ford Focuses (Foci?). It's just part of my life now.
A couple months ago I got propositioned by a creep in my hotel's lobby.
A couple weeks ago I had slurs yelled at me as I walked down the street with my mom.
A couple days ago someone told me to kill myself in a DM.
Every day, someone says "really? I don't see stuff like that here".
@alice
Hmm... it's just possible U may want to upgrade to a Ford Mustang or Dodge Charger -- U'r definitely lacking SPICE-in-Ur-life
️
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Just to be explicit, that post was about how all the institutionalized/everyday/inherent sexism, racism, homophobia, bigotry, etc. is invisible to most folx until it directly impacts them.
Just like I don't see 99% of the racism that #BlackMastodon does until someone points an example out to me, and just like I would've told you that I don't know anyone who drives a red Ford Focus until I started driving one myself.
It's fucking everywhere...
And to those it affects, it's just the background noise of existing while black/queer/femme/disabled/neurodivergent, and so on.
@alice
Yeah, that red Ford Focus is skewing Ur outlook just a tad️
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I'm not a car person, so I never really paid attention to car makes or models before. Sure, I knew that there were Hondas and Hyundais, but unless someone was actively pointing them out, I couldn't tell you which was which.
Then I became the owner of a little red Ford Focus, and I started driving it around.
Next thing I knew, I was spotting them *everywhere*. I'd come out of the grocer and there'd be identical ones parked on both sides of me! Hell, I eventually got a window decal so I could more easily tell which was mine
A couple years ago I discovered I was lactose intolerant, and—bear with me, these stories are connected—I started keeping lactaid with me wherever I went (just to be safe). I started paying attention to just how much dairy was in things, and wow, spoiler: it's in like *everything*
Over the past couple years, I've gotten pretty used to being lactose intolerant. I keep lactase handy, and I watch out for things with "too much dairy". It's just become background noise—like noticing other Ford Focuses (Foci?). It's just part of my life now.
A couple months ago I got propositioned by a creep in my hotel's lobby.
A couple weeks ago I had slurs yelled at me as I walked down the street with my mom.
A couple days ago someone told me to kill myself in a DM.
Every day, someone says "really? I don't see stuff like that here".
@alice I get this very thing reading lactose "intolerance" as a vegan xD
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@alice yup. I’m an immigrant in Germany, but an affluent, white, CIS, male and a native English speaker. I’ve never been subject to xenophobia. Hell, I’ve even been actively courted by AfD canvassers.
It would be easy for me to believe this evil doesn’t exist in Germany, but I speak to colleagues who hail from Africa or Asia. Their life looks quite different to mine. The same for women, trans folks, people with facial tattoos, …
Privilege is often invisible when you have it.
-
I'm not a car person, so I never really paid attention to car makes or models before. Sure, I knew that there were Hondas and Hyundais, but unless someone was actively pointing them out, I couldn't tell you which was which.
Then I became the owner of a little red Ford Focus, and I started driving it around.
Next thing I knew, I was spotting them *everywhere*. I'd come out of the grocer and there'd be identical ones parked on both sides of me! Hell, I eventually got a window decal so I could more easily tell which was mine
A couple years ago I discovered I was lactose intolerant, and—bear with me, these stories are connected—I started keeping lactaid with me wherever I went (just to be safe). I started paying attention to just how much dairy was in things, and wow, spoiler: it's in like *everything*
Over the past couple years, I've gotten pretty used to being lactose intolerant. I keep lactase handy, and I watch out for things with "too much dairy". It's just become background noise—like noticing other Ford Focuses (Foci?). It's just part of my life now.
A couple months ago I got propositioned by a creep in my hotel's lobby.
A couple weeks ago I had slurs yelled at me as I walked down the street with my mom.
A couple days ago someone told me to kill myself in a DM.
Every day, someone says "really? I don't see stuff like that here".
@alice I acknowledge that you, and others, have a different experience to a middle aged, white, 6 foot plus cis male
I wrote the code that tested the seat rails in the original Focus in my first software job. They are still everywhere like the arseholes making life difficult for people they see as different
By acknowledging we all have different experiences and listening when people share theirs we can make the world a little bit friendlier for all.
You just did that
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Just to be explicit, that post was about how all the institutionalized/everyday/inherent sexism, racism, homophobia, bigotry, etc. is invisible to most folx until it directly impacts them.
Just like I don't see 99% of the racism that #BlackMastodon does until someone points an example out to me, and just like I would've told you that I don't know anyone who drives a red Ford Focus until I started driving one myself.
It's fucking everywhere...
And to those it affects, it's just the background noise of existing while black/queer/femme/disabled/neurodivergent, and so on.
@alice
There's also this specific mastodon phenomenon that the OP sees all replies while the rest only see's a fraction. So people can physically not see the harassment exposed e.g. women on this platform(s) here receive. Especially if their instances are blocking the offenders but not the one hosting the affected person. -
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I'm not a car person, so I never really paid attention to car makes or models before. Sure, I knew that there were Hondas and Hyundais, but unless someone was actively pointing them out, I couldn't tell you which was which.
Then I became the owner of a little red Ford Focus, and I started driving it around.
Next thing I knew, I was spotting them *everywhere*. I'd come out of the grocer and there'd be identical ones parked on both sides of me! Hell, I eventually got a window decal so I could more easily tell which was mine
A couple years ago I discovered I was lactose intolerant, and—bear with me, these stories are connected—I started keeping lactaid with me wherever I went (just to be safe). I started paying attention to just how much dairy was in things, and wow, spoiler: it's in like *everything*
Over the past couple years, I've gotten pretty used to being lactose intolerant. I keep lactase handy, and I watch out for things with "too much dairy". It's just become background noise—like noticing other Ford Focuses (Foci?). It's just part of my life now.
A couple months ago I got propositioned by a creep in my hotel's lobby.
A couple weeks ago I had slurs yelled at me as I walked down the street with my mom.
A couple days ago someone told me to kill myself in a DM.
Every day, someone says "really? I don't see stuff like that here".
There's a thought experiment (used in treatment of anxiety disorders, but that doesn't matter here): The therapist asks people to look for red stuff in the room. Like, which things here are red? Try to remember them all. Yes, all. Close your eyes. Now, which yellow things are in the room?
It's powerful in showing people how strongly our attention impacts what we notice and what we don't notice.
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