#PSA: #Flirting is like playing #Jenga, and a lot of people don't know how to play Jenga either.
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@mrgrumpymonkey "fun size"
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@crowbriarhexe @Bel_tamtu @alice that sounds suspiciously like flirting. So I imagine you are just being friendly
@eruonna @crowbriarhexe @Bel_tamtu @alice
flirting going on in this thread. and great entertaining thread here for us bystanders 
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@crowbriarhexe @eruonna @Bel_tamtu @alice “…honey? Are we just…roommates?”
“Can we not have this conversation when I’m inside you…FOR ONCE??” -
@alice @crowbriarhexe @eruonna @Bel_tamtu
The now-near-homicidally queer supporting priest staring at me from the altar when I ask him if maybe this means she like, REALLY likes me, or something: -
@alice @Bel_tamtu *panics and knocks over the whole tower*
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#PSA: #Flirting is like playing #Jenga, and a lot of people don't know how to play Jenga either.
If you're not familiar with Jenga, here's my description: Jenga is a *cooperative*, turn-based game, in which you and one or more willing partners attempt to build anticipation until someone gets too flustered and spills the pieces.
The win condition is:"How long can we maintain that state *just* before the tower falls—when everyone is on the edge of their seats, leaning in, wide-eyed and holding their breath?"
The game is played by taking turns poking around for a good piece and then making a move. Each move raises the stakes *just a little bit*. As tension builds, everyone gets more involved in the game, and when the tower finally topples—regardless of who knocked it over—it should be exciting, fun for everyone, and involve positive aftercare; that's what makes people happy they played with you (and want to play another round).
Some mistakes I see people making when they play:
- forcing the game; not everyone wants to play with you—respect that.
- making "big dick" moves to speed the game up; sure, you *can* make an early goblin move that'll destabilize the tower in the hopes of a quick topple, but if your only goal is to spill blocks, it's better if you just play with yourself at home.
- trying to get the other person to lose; there are plenty of sneaky ways to make the other person more likely to knock the tower over—don't use them—folx won't want to play with you.
- dragging out your turn because you're too afraid to "lose"; it's not as bad as you fear, and if you knock the tower down, as long as y'all're having fun playing, there's nothing stopping you from picking right back up and starting another round.
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Some mistakes I see people making when they flirt (or engage in any social interaction):
- forcing the interaction; not everyone is open to that kind of attention—respect that.
- making "big dick" moves to speed the game up; sure, you can open with a dick pic or a wolf-whistle, but if your goal is to flirt *at* someone, it's better if you just play with yourself at home.
- trying to get the other person to lose; there are plenty of sneaky ways to make the other person more likely to sleep with you—don't use them—that's coercion at best, and quite possibly sexual assault.
- dragging out your turn because you're too afraid to "lose"; it's not as bad as you fear. If you're genuine, and playing because you want the *other* person to have fun, then most folx will be flattered you made that effort, even if they're not interested in playing a full round.
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"How do I let someone know I want to play with them?"
> Try complimenting them on something they *put effort into*—"Those are amazing earrings!"
"How do I do that without feeling creepy?"
> Smile, say it, and disengage. If they're receptive, they'll engage you.
"How do I know what to say?"
> Most people are pretty interesting, and most people who want to be interacted with will put out bids for interaction, so look for cues. Are they wearing a cool t-shirt? Is their hair dyed? Have they smiled at you more than once (and you're not a customer)?
"Yeah, but really, how do I know what to say?"
> The game is played by taking turns poking around for a good piece and then making a move. Each move raises the stakes *just a little bit*. When they take a turn, they'll often leave an opening just for you. If they don't, they might also be bad a Jenga, or they're not really into playing with you right now.
"Can you give me examples?"
> Sure.
You're in line at a grocery store, and there's a cute person in line next to you, so you wait until *one* of you is leaving the line. "Your hair is amazing; I love that color blue
", then you go back to what you were doing. If they want to play, they'll say something like "thanks, I just dyed it! 🩵" and then wait for you to take your turn again; if they don't want to play, they might just say "thanks" and disengage. If it's your turn again, you might respond "did you have it professionally done? I've been meaning to redye mine " Now it's their turn to respond.Of course your turns will look different, but each one should take a cue from your partner, and also volunteer a possible move for them to make on their turn.
"My games keep fizzling out, how do I keep them lively?"
> Look for their cues, and leave your own cues for them. Co-op games are about helping your teammates so you can all have the most fun, and *anyone* feels awkward when they don't know what they should do on their turn, so don't leave them hanging.
"How do I let someone know I'd like to play again sometime?"
> Tell them. "I really enjoyed talking to you
and I'd like to do it again if you're interested. Can I give you my Mastodon handle?". If they look confused, just say you're a friend of @alice; that'll probably work.@alice reminds me of one of my favorite Oscar Wilde quotes: An acquaintance that begins with a compliment is sure to develop into a real friendship.
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@alice @raphaelmorgan @eruonna @Bel_tamtu
agree my sibling :heart_pansexual -
@alice this is so damn good
@ibwatson thanks
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@stevewfolds @alice @Aaron_Davis @wyatt
i
that saying, never heard that before (i grew up in a minority language country), i am going to use that. unless you made that up, & won't give me consent? 🫡
️@poisonpunk @alice @Aaron_Davis @wyatt
It is old and not mine. Use it and may good things happen. -
Alice, "Jenga as Relationship Advice" is absolutely fucking inspired. Well bloody done, you!
And by the way, get that published. It's def good enough.
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@aburka @ifixcoinops @alice As someone with way too much social anxiety, I'm wondering if they mean the giver or the receiver of the compliment, because it could apply to either.
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@aburka @ifixcoinops @alice As someone with way too much social anxiety, I'm wondering if they mean the giver or the receiver of the compliment, because it could apply to either.
@quaap @ifixcoinops @alice well Dan clearly meant the giver
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@ifixcoinops gimme the Dan?
@alice Bought a knackered cabinet out of the Loot free-ads paper for £25 when I was thirteen and have been fullbore Raccoon Mode ever since
🦝 -
@alice Bought a knackered cabinet out of the Loot free-ads paper for £25 when I was thirteen and have been fullbore Raccoon Mode ever since
🦝@ifixcoinops@retro.social can i have the Fun Pit answer?
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@alice okay, speaking as someone who got conditioned to play Jenga only competitively, this is an amazing and eye-opening analogy.
@Weirdaholic it truly is and i like to suggest that playing to win, if by consensual choice, is not necessary a dick move. Not all of us enjoy flirting but that could also lead to two people playing at home
Probably neurospicy, but I'm super happy that after decades trying to fit in with the flirty kids I finally found out I fit with a partner that will have a very short and very direct conversation with me instead
Whatever works, right? (Consent being key as always)
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@poisonpunk @alice @Aaron_Davis @wyatt
It is old and not mine. Use it and may good things happen.@stevewfolds @alice @Aaron_Davis @wyatt
thank you, i bet they will!
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@poisonpunk I think they're covered in the first two.
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#PSA: #Flirting is like playing #Jenga, and a lot of people don't know how to play Jenga either.
If you're not familiar with Jenga, here's my description: Jenga is a *cooperative*, turn-based game, in which you and one or more willing partners attempt to build anticipation until someone gets too flustered and spills the pieces.
The win condition is:"How long can we maintain that state *just* before the tower falls—when everyone is on the edge of their seats, leaning in, wide-eyed and holding their breath?"
The game is played by taking turns poking around for a good piece and then making a move. Each move raises the stakes *just a little bit*. As tension builds, everyone gets more involved in the game, and when the tower finally topples—regardless of who knocked it over—it should be exciting, fun for everyone, and involve positive aftercare; that's what makes people happy they played with you (and want to play another round).
Some mistakes I see people making when they play:
- forcing the game; not everyone wants to play with you—respect that.
- making "big dick" moves to speed the game up; sure, you *can* make an early goblin move that'll destabilize the tower in the hopes of a quick topple, but if your only goal is to spill blocks, it's better if you just play with yourself at home.
- trying to get the other person to lose; there are plenty of sneaky ways to make the other person more likely to knock the tower over—don't use them—folx won't want to play with you.
- dragging out your turn because you're too afraid to "lose"; it's not as bad as you fear, and if you knock the tower down, as long as y'all're having fun playing, there's nothing stopping you from picking right back up and starting another round.
---
Some mistakes I see people making when they flirt (or engage in any social interaction):
- forcing the interaction; not everyone is open to that kind of attention—respect that.
- making "big dick" moves to speed the game up; sure, you can open with a dick pic or a wolf-whistle, but if your goal is to flirt *at* someone, it's better if you just play with yourself at home.
- trying to get the other person to lose; there are plenty of sneaky ways to make the other person more likely to sleep with you—don't use them—that's coercion at best, and quite possibly sexual assault.
- dragging out your turn because you're too afraid to "lose"; it's not as bad as you fear. If you're genuine, and playing because you want the *other* person to have fun, then most folx will be flattered you made that effort, even if they're not interested in playing a full round.
---
"How do I let someone know I want to play with them?"
> Try complimenting them on something they *put effort into*—"Those are amazing earrings!"
"How do I do that without feeling creepy?"
> Smile, say it, and disengage. If they're receptive, they'll engage you.
"How do I know what to say?"
> Most people are pretty interesting, and most people who want to be interacted with will put out bids for interaction, so look for cues. Are they wearing a cool t-shirt? Is their hair dyed? Have they smiled at you more than once (and you're not a customer)?
"Yeah, but really, how do I know what to say?"
> The game is played by taking turns poking around for a good piece and then making a move. Each move raises the stakes *just a little bit*. When they take a turn, they'll often leave an opening just for you. If they don't, they might also be bad a Jenga, or they're not really into playing with you right now.
"Can you give me examples?"
> Sure.
You're in line at a grocery store, and there's a cute person in line next to you, so you wait until *one* of you is leaving the line. "Your hair is amazing; I love that color blue
", then you go back to what you were doing. If they want to play, they'll say something like "thanks, I just dyed it! 🩵" and then wait for you to take your turn again; if they don't want to play, they might just say "thanks" and disengage. If it's your turn again, you might respond "did you have it professionally done? I've been meaning to redye mine " Now it's their turn to respond.Of course your turns will look different, but each one should take a cue from your partner, and also volunteer a possible move for them to make on their turn.
"My games keep fizzling out, how do I keep them lively?"
> Look for their cues, and leave your own cues for them. Co-op games are about helping your teammates so you can all have the most fun, and *anyone* feels awkward when they don't know what they should do on their turn, so don't leave them hanging.
"How do I let someone know I'd like to play again sometime?"
> Tell them. "I really enjoyed talking to you
and I'd like to do it again if you're interested. Can I give you my Mastodon handle?". If they look confused, just say you're a friend of @alice; that'll probably work.@alice ohh I wish I had this tooth when I was 12.
The comparison is so good and clear! Thanks for sharing, it will help a lot of people. -
@ghouston in my experience, as someone who has blue hair (and who has a lot of female friends with dyed hair), no one dyes their hair an unnatural color to *not* get noticed. That doesn't mean we're all receptive to any attempt at flirting, but I think all if us appreciate a genuine compliment with no expectations attached.
@alice @airshipper @BenHM3 Hmm. I mentioned cultural, because of this article I saw a few months ago, and I was thinking "go up and flirt with random strangers, so creepy, who would do that?"
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2026/jan/16/australian-men-dont-do-flirting-why
