This morning my 4yo went to daycare wearing his spiderman pyjamas and, on top them, his favourite orange 'spinning dress' and some pants that I've mended with a colourful love-heart patch on the knee (at his request).
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This morning my 4yo went to daycare wearing his spiderman pyjamas and, on top them, his favourite orange 'spinning dress' and some pants that I've mended with a colourful love-heart patch on the knee (at his request).
He's getting to the age where other kids tell him he shouldn't be wearing dresses, or make it awkward.
He asked me "are boys allowed to wear dresses?" and I told him, "well, some people say boys shouldn't wear dresses, but that's ridiculous! Do you know people used to say that girls shouldn't wear pants? How silly! Anyone can wear anything!"
He's asked me to tell him that several times again
@scroeser my kids would get this as well, they wanted pink and purple clothes from a young age, my youngest wanted pink shoes and long hair. He'd get confused when people would assume he was a girl, like that's a bad thing or something. Its usually the grown ups trying to "protect" the kids are the ones commenting.
The anecdote I'd give them was that in some countries pink is coded boy and red is coded girl. How random! Colours are for everyone I think.
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@scroeser my kids would get this as well, they wanted pink and purple clothes from a young age, my youngest wanted pink shoes and long hair. He'd get confused when people would assume he was a girl, like that's a bad thing or something. Its usually the grown ups trying to "protect" the kids are the ones commenting.
The anecdote I'd give them was that in some countries pink is coded boy and red is coded girl. How random! Colours are for everyone I think.
@scroeser my kids schools have done a great job at teaching that gender stereotypes are harmful. One of the kids comebacks now are "did you just assume their gender???" When talking about random things like pets or cars. I think its really healing.
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@scroeser my kids schools have done a great job at teaching that gender stereotypes are harmful. One of the kids comebacks now are "did you just assume their gender???" When talking about random things like pets or cars. I think its really healing.
@DevRhiana Love that!
My older kid picks me up if I refer to someone I don't know as "he" or "she", because she noticed how careful I was to never assume gender.
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@Lilysea We did have a chat about all of the different clothes people wear around the world still!
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This morning my 4yo went to daycare wearing his spiderman pyjamas and, on top them, his favourite orange 'spinning dress' and some pants that I've mended with a colourful love-heart patch on the knee (at his request).
He's getting to the age where other kids tell him he shouldn't be wearing dresses, or make it awkward.
He asked me "are boys allowed to wear dresses?" and I told him, "well, some people say boys shouldn't wear dresses, but that's ridiculous! Do you know people used to say that girls shouldn't wear pants? How silly! Anyone can wear anything!"
He's asked me to tell him that several times again
@scroeser trans man here, just dropping in to send support. You're doing parenting right.
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@scroeser trans man here, just dropping in to send support. You're doing parenting right.
@aces_funhouse Thank you! Hopefully we can gradually make all of this a bit better for everyone.
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This morning my 4yo went to daycare wearing his spiderman pyjamas and, on top them, his favourite orange 'spinning dress' and some pants that I've mended with a colourful love-heart patch on the knee (at his request).
He's getting to the age where other kids tell him he shouldn't be wearing dresses, or make it awkward.
He asked me "are boys allowed to wear dresses?" and I told him, "well, some people say boys shouldn't wear dresses, but that's ridiculous! Do you know people used to say that girls shouldn't wear pants? How silly! Anyone can wear anything!"
He's asked me to tell him that several times again
@scroeser That's really sad to be told that at age 4! You're doing a great job but it is very sad that we're still here.
Men used to wear "dresses": tunics, robes, stockings, tights, kilts/skirts, sarongs. What a sadness.
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@scroeser That's really sad to be told that at age 4! You're doing a great job but it is very sad that we're still here.
Men used to wear "dresses": tunics, robes, stockings, tights, kilts/skirts, sarongs. What a sadness.
@raindrops_and_roses Yes, it's hard to navigate, especially for a little kid who just loves dancing.
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@raindrops_and_roses Yes, it's hard to navigate, especially for a little kid who just loves dancing.
@scroeser I can understand. He's lucky to have such support at home.
Some of the greatest dancers are male. We saw a lot of ballet to show that to them too.
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I think a lot about bell hooks writing that the first act of violence society demands of men is to cut out their own softness:
"The first act of violence that patriarchy demands of males is not violence toward women. Instead patriarchy demands of all males that they engage in acts of psychic self-mutilation, that they kill off the emotional parts of themselves. If an individual is not successful in emotionally crippling himself, he can count on patriarchal men to enact rituals of power that will assault his self-esteem. "
@scroeser I love how bell hooks can relentlessly dissect the extreme pathology of socially defined masculinity without ever so much as hinting that men as such are the enemy. She recognizes the brainwashing to which we are subjected.
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@scroeser I love how bell hooks can relentlessly dissect the extreme pathology of socially defined masculinity without ever so much as hinting that men as such are the enemy. She recognizes the brainwashing to which we are subjected.
@dedicto Yes, it's such a loving approach and I appreciate it.
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@scroeser I love how bell hooks can relentlessly dissect the extreme pathology of socially defined masculinity without ever so much as hinting that men as such are the enemy. She recognizes the brainwashing to which we are subjected.
@dedicto @scroeser as trans man, saying "I'm a man" to people who have the social-defined concept of man in mind feels like discovering some kind of north face route of patriarchy (of course barred for people like me who are not Real Men), while some women of my family think I joined the oppressive side (or at least am attracted by it for some sort of thirst for revenge) while my self discovery as man is a universe of unexpected softness which somehow amplifies the pain of discovering all this. But there is no coming back, definitely not as part of that softness-killing environment, whether a woman or a man or anything else -
I think a lot about bell hooks writing that the first act of violence society demands of men is to cut out their own softness:
"The first act of violence that patriarchy demands of males is not violence toward women. Instead patriarchy demands of all males that they engage in acts of psychic self-mutilation, that they kill off the emotional parts of themselves. If an individual is not successful in emotionally crippling himself, he can count on patriarchal men to enact rituals of power that will assault his self-esteem. "
@scroeser thank you for posting that quote. Having a six-year old it's always good to be reminded of that
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This morning my 4yo went to daycare wearing his spiderman pyjamas and, on top them, his favourite orange 'spinning dress' and some pants that I've mended with a colourful love-heart patch on the knee (at his request).
He's getting to the age where other kids tell him he shouldn't be wearing dresses, or make it awkward.
He asked me "are boys allowed to wear dresses?" and I told him, "well, some people say boys shouldn't wear dresses, but that's ridiculous! Do you know people used to say that girls shouldn't wear pants? How silly! Anyone can wear anything!"
He's asked me to tell him that several times again
@scroeser My brother had a similar conversation with his six year old son. His son was told by other boys that it is uncool to play with girls. This really bothered him, because one of his closest friends is a girl. We’re in the 21fst century and still have a lot of work to do…
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@jessta So far I haven't had any adults say it. It's all been little kids commenting on his clothes.
I wonder if this is like the situation with racism, where 'nice' progressive families who don't talk about race end up with more racist kids - because kids still see the racism within society, and if you don't actively talk about it they make assumptions ("this is how the world is, it must be for good reason").
Perhaps many parents just don't talk to their kids actively about gender roles, and that ends up with kids noticing "oh, I don't see boys wearing dresses, that must be for good reason".
@scroeser
I really think you got a valid point here. We have to actively educate for peace, tolerance etc. And we can be good examples. Since I have made similar experiences concerning pink or sparkly as unmanly, I often wear pink, bought sparkly shoes and borrow glitter makeup, if available. It’s kind of silly, but it gets noticed
@jessta -
J jwcph@helvede.net shared this topic
The soccer kid also returned to pink as a teen. But those were both rough days of momming.
