I hope John Roberts can't watch the NFL playoff games today because he has explosive diarrhea.
-
@wyatt_h_knott@mstdn.social Anyway, it's been every day since January 25. No plan for when it will end; maybe when he dies.
Because I fucking loathe John Roberts, especially because he appears to be so affable and reasonable when in truth even the monster John Taney (Dred Scott case) was, in his other decisions, more protective of American democracy than Roberts is.
-
I hope John Roberts' favorite restaurant closes.
#IHopeJohnRobertsToday's curse on John Roberts is that he awoke at 4:00 a.m., just bolted full awake, with the realization that never, not once, did he attend any of his children's grade school functions like parent teacher conferences or those really boring grade school choir concerts that never seem to end because every single class has to get their turn, supposedly because his work was "too important," and then lay there until 7:00 wondering whether maybe that's part of the reason they barely speak to him any more.
#IHopeJohnRoberts -
Today's curse on John Roberts is that he awoke at 4:00 a.m., just bolted full awake, with the realization that never, not once, did he attend any of his children's grade school functions like parent teacher conferences or those really boring grade school choir concerts that never seem to end because every single class has to get their turn, supposedly because his work was "too important," and then lay there until 7:00 wondering whether maybe that's part of the reason they barely speak to him any more.
#IHopeJohnRobertsToday #IHopeJohnRoberts left his downstairs windows open overnight so that when the gardener showed up early this morning and sprayed the hell out of his lawn with Roundup, clouds of the pesticide drifted into the house where Roberts breathed it in his sleep and could smell it as he had his coffee, knowing that because of his decision yesterday there's not a goddamn thing he can do about it.
-
Today #IHopeJohnRoberts left his downstairs windows open overnight so that when the gardener showed up early this morning and sprayed the hell out of his lawn with Roundup, clouds of the pesticide drifted into the house where Roberts breathed it in his sleep and could smell it as he had his coffee, knowing that because of his decision yesterday there's not a goddamn thing he can do about it.
Today I hope the tape on John Roberts' home telephone answering machine breaks and he's worried he'll miss his wife's call even though she's been incommunicado for about a month, so he spends three hours today visiting store after store in an Uber (because his license hasn't been restored yet) unable to find those little plastic micro cassettes and he wonders what other people do when their answering machine tapes break and thinking maybe, I don't know, some sort of digital alternative might be a cool new invention, and then he realizes that she might have called while he was out looking and he wouldn't know, and he's trying to understand why his life just sucks so much because he's been a good man, hasn't he, God, hasn't he been a good man? #IHopeJohnRoberts
-
Today I hope the tape on John Roberts' home telephone answering machine breaks and he's worried he'll miss his wife's call even though she's been incommunicado for about a month, so he spends three hours today visiting store after store in an Uber (because his license hasn't been restored yet) unable to find those little plastic micro cassettes and he wonders what other people do when their answering machine tapes break and thinking maybe, I don't know, some sort of digital alternative might be a cool new invention, and then he realizes that she might have called while he was out looking and he wouldn't know, and he's trying to understand why his life just sucks so much because he's been a good man, hasn't he, God, hasn't he been a good man? #IHopeJohnRoberts
@msbellows
Mike Judge could make a nice little series with these scripts, I'd watch it! -
@msbellows
Mike Judge could make a nice little series with these scripts, I'd watch it!@jandi Whoa, that's high praise! Thanks!
-
Today I hope the tape on John Roberts' home telephone answering machine breaks and he's worried he'll miss his wife's call even though she's been incommunicado for about a month, so he spends three hours today visiting store after store in an Uber (because his license hasn't been restored yet) unable to find those little plastic micro cassettes and he wonders what other people do when their answering machine tapes break and thinking maybe, I don't know, some sort of digital alternative might be a cool new invention, and then he realizes that she might have called while he was out looking and he wouldn't know, and he's trying to understand why his life just sucks so much because he's been a good man, hasn't he, God, hasn't he been a good man? #IHopeJohnRoberts
Today I hope someone tells John Roberts that his absent wife has opened an account on some new social media thing called Mastodon and they send him a link and he opens it but the post makes no sense because it's just something about a goose adding value and he's not sure why her account isn't @JaneRoberts but rather @SullivanIsFinallyAwake, and also what the heck is kolektiva.social? #IHopeJohnRoberts
-
Today I hope someone tells John Roberts that his absent wife has opened an account on some new social media thing called Mastodon and they send him a link and he opens it but the post makes no sense because it's just something about a goose adding value and he's not sure why her account isn't @JaneRoberts but rather @SullivanIsFinallyAwake, and also what the heck is kolektiva.social? #IHopeJohnRoberts
@msbellows and that he sees how much that we are all taking a great deal of delight in the #HopeJohnRoberts posts.
-
@msbellows and that he sees how much that we are all taking a great deal of delight in the #HopeJohnRoberts posts.
@LynnD _/\_
-
Today I hope someone tells John Roberts that his absent wife has opened an account on some new social media thing called Mastodon and they send him a link and he opens it but the post makes no sense because it's just something about a goose adding value and he's not sure why her account isn't @JaneRoberts but rather @SullivanIsFinallyAwake, and also what the heck is kolektiva.social? #IHopeJohnRoberts
May he fail every Captcha.
-
Today I hope someone tells John Roberts that his absent wife has opened an account on some new social media thing called Mastodon and they send him a link and he opens it but the post makes no sense because it's just something about a goose adding value and he's not sure why her account isn't @JaneRoberts but rather @SullivanIsFinallyAwake, and also what the heck is kolektiva.social? #IHopeJohnRoberts
John Roberts just joined with the liberal justices to allow states (including mine) to count late-arriving vote-by-mail ballots, and also the Court let E. Jean Carroll's $5 million judgment against Trump stand, so today #IHopeJohnRoberts doesn't notice the dead rat (the fourth? fifth?) lying on his doormat as he leaves for work this morning, and so has a better day than he otherwise would have had. https://apnews.com/article/supreme-court-mailed-ballots-trump-elections-5f24f718ea92a33838485ce6302e079e
-
@msbellows Personally, I'm ready to award Roberts the same number of gold stars for that vote that I'd have awarded him for ruling that the sun is allowed to rise in the east, or that trees are allowed to photosynthesize, or that apple pie is allowed to be delicious. And I have that exact number of gold stars all ready to stick on his homework in the event that he happens to rule that the first sentence of the Fourteenth Amendment means what it clearly and unambiguously says.
-
@msbellows Personally, I'm ready to award Roberts the same number of gold stars for that vote that I'd have awarded him for ruling that the sun is allowed to rise in the east, or that trees are allowed to photosynthesize, or that apple pie is allowed to be delicious. And I have that exact number of gold stars all ready to stick on his homework in the event that he happens to rule that the first sentence of the Fourteenth Amendment means what it clearly and unambiguously says.
@jonberger Remember, he's going to find that rat eventually.
-
@msbellows I take great comfort in that.
-
John Roberts just joined with the liberal justices to allow states (including mine) to count late-arriving vote-by-mail ballots, and also the Court let E. Jean Carroll's $5 million judgment against Trump stand, so today #IHopeJohnRoberts doesn't notice the dead rat (the fourth? fifth?) lying on his doormat as he leaves for work this morning, and so has a better day than he otherwise would have had. https://apnews.com/article/supreme-court-mailed-ballots-trump-elections-5f24f718ea92a33838485ce6302e079e
I hope that today, as John Roberts is sitting alone in his chambers feeling a little bit good and even principled for joining the liberals in several different decisions opposed to the far right, his door opens just a crack and a black-gloved hand reaches in and turns off the light switch, and then Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito come in holding candles, closing the door behind them, both clad in dark crimson robes and wearing garlands made of animal teeth suspending hematite medallions inlaid with an upside-down "F" over a stylized carving of Leonard Leo's face, and then they chant together, "SHAME! SHAME! YOU HAVE DEFILED THE BROTHERHOOD!" and then Alito places a dead rat on his desk as they leave, and for the first time since he took office Roberts actually feels scared, genuinely, profoundly scared, so he leaves work early and when he gets home he discovers another dead rat lying on his doorstep that he didn't see yesterday, swollen in DC's current hot humid weather, covered with metallic green flies. #IHopeJohnRoberts
-
I hope that today, as John Roberts is sitting alone in his chambers feeling a little bit good and even principled for joining the liberals in several different decisions opposed to the far right, his door opens just a crack and a black-gloved hand reaches in and turns off the light switch, and then Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito come in holding candles, closing the door behind them, both clad in dark crimson robes and wearing garlands made of animal teeth suspending hematite medallions inlaid with an upside-down "F" over a stylized carving of Leonard Leo's face, and then they chant together, "SHAME! SHAME! YOU HAVE DEFILED THE BROTHERHOOD!" and then Alito places a dead rat on his desk as they leave, and for the first time since he took office Roberts actually feels scared, genuinely, profoundly scared, so he leaves work early and when he gets home he discovers another dead rat lying on his doorstep that he didn't see yesterday, swollen in DC's current hot humid weather, covered with metallic green flies. #IHopeJohnRoberts
@msbellows I am FINE with this becoming an absolute horror story.
-
I hope that today, as John Roberts is sitting alone in his chambers feeling a little bit good and even principled for joining the liberals in several different decisions opposed to the far right, his door opens just a crack and a black-gloved hand reaches in and turns off the light switch, and then Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito come in holding candles, closing the door behind them, both clad in dark crimson robes and wearing garlands made of animal teeth suspending hematite medallions inlaid with an upside-down "F" over a stylized carving of Leonard Leo's face, and then they chant together, "SHAME! SHAME! YOU HAVE DEFILED THE BROTHERHOOD!" and then Alito places a dead rat on his desk as they leave, and for the first time since he took office Roberts actually feels scared, genuinely, profoundly scared, so he leaves work early and when he gets home he discovers another dead rat lying on his doorstep that he didn't see yesterday, swollen in DC's current hot humid weather, covered with metallic green flies. #IHopeJohnRoberts
@msbellows
I bet those mofos are summoning demons to go after him. For Christ, of course. -
I hope that today, as John Roberts is sitting alone in his chambers feeling a little bit good and even principled for joining the liberals in several different decisions opposed to the far right, his door opens just a crack and a black-gloved hand reaches in and turns off the light switch, and then Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito come in holding candles, closing the door behind them, both clad in dark crimson robes and wearing garlands made of animal teeth suspending hematite medallions inlaid with an upside-down "F" over a stylized carving of Leonard Leo's face, and then they chant together, "SHAME! SHAME! YOU HAVE DEFILED THE BROTHERHOOD!" and then Alito places a dead rat on his desk as they leave, and for the first time since he took office Roberts actually feels scared, genuinely, profoundly scared, so he leaves work early and when he gets home he discovers another dead rat lying on his doorstep that he didn't see yesterday, swollen in DC's current hot humid weather, covered with metallic green flies. #IHopeJohnRoberts
Today #IHopeJohnRoberts finds it incredibly difficult, emotionally, to make himself go to work, but he rallies because he's read that predators are only emboldened by fear or weakness, but when he gets there Alito and Thomas act completely normal, treating him like nothing unusual happened yesterday, which is almost more frightening than the weird cultist shit they pulled less than 24 hours ago, because now he doesn't know whether they're just superb actors or were actually demon-possessed or something and have no memory of it.
-
Today #IHopeJohnRoberts finds it incredibly difficult, emotionally, to make himself go to work, but he rallies because he's read that predators are only emboldened by fear or weakness, but when he gets there Alito and Thomas act completely normal, treating him like nothing unusual happened yesterday, which is almost more frightening than the weird cultist shit they pulled less than 24 hours ago, because now he doesn't know whether they're just superb actors or were actually demon-possessed or something and have no memory of it.
Today #IHopeJohnRoberts goes for a walk on the Mall at lunch because he wants to see the reflecting pool for himself, and honestly it looks pretty gross to him, and as he stands there looking at the water and wondering whether maybe the stink and decay is a metaphor of some kind he sees a chip of blue paint floating on the surface of the algae and without even thinking, because he is an orderly sort of fellow, he bends over and picks it up and next thing he knows he is being manhandled to the ground and handcuffed and told he is under arrest for vandalism, so he insists very loudly and repeatedly that he is the Chief Justice of the United States Supreme Court, dammit, and so he ends his day not in a jail cell but heavily medicated in a locked room in the Psychiatric Institute of Washington on a 3-day mental health hold.
-
@msbellows To be fair to the hypothetical people who hypothetically locked him up, Roberts is not the Chief Justice of the United States Supreme Court. If he had hypothetically stated his actual title, the Chief Justice of the United States, perhaps the hypothetical outcome would have been different.
</pedantry>
