It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
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One summer while I was wearing shorts, I had a big hornet fly over, bite into the side of my thigh and then proceed to sting me like half a dozen times for no apparent reason.
I feel like hornets, wasps, and yellow jackets are all pretty much raging assholes.
@alice You're 100% correct. They are absolute jerks and they have nothing better to do with their existence than to, well, be jerks.
Multiple times I've had wasps just land on me and hang out, waiting for me to think they're gone and I'm safe. Once I was halfway up some stairs, so kind of stuck in a pretty uncomfortable position. Each time they just patiently wait for me to make a movement of some kind so they can pretend it's my fault that they're stinging me.
Oh, and once I had one where I assume I got too close to its nest, but it just followed me all the way across an entire yard, stinging over and over. Like, I got the freaking point, move on!
If that isn't the very definition of a jerk I sure don't know what is.
I think they enjoy stinging people. I really do.
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One summer while I was wearing shorts, I had a big hornet fly over, bite into the side of my thigh and then proceed to sting me like half a dozen times for no apparent reason.
I feel like hornets, wasps, and yellow jackets are all pretty much raging assholes.
@alice All three of those insect species are assholes.
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Whales seems pretty chill...and smart! They may not do crosswords, but there's a decent chance they do their version of poetry, philosophy, and opera!
@kitkat_blue @alice
Came here for this! Read all the way down all the comments to this last one!I'm afraid I have to "aktchually" and narrow that down to _baleen_ whales who are probably all chill because they just go around eating plankton and singing to their pod mates.
_Tooth_ whales on the other hand, like orca, hunt in packs and will totally mess up seals. Also yachts apparently.
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@pewnack @alice
A resort we went to had no bugscreens and no AC so we had to sleep with the windows open.They supplied a mosquito net and a battery powered bug zapper tennis racket, which we thought was quaint until the first night.
Afterwards we tucked the net under the mattress and pinned the damn thing shit with gorilla paperclips, and once we were in we used the racket to whack any of them that had snuck in with us.
Follow me for more hotel wilderness survival tips.
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@alice "least likely to solve a crossword puzzle" sounds like slugs, sponges, and if im very honest, lionfishes
Edit: tho upon reflection the only one of those that id describe as "jerk who would never solve a crossword" is the lionfish
@Irenetherogue what makes lionfish jerky?
(cue dehydration joke)
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@Smutty_Tiefling god, I've had neighbors like that before 🫤
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It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
Humans? Legendary assholes.
Dolphins? Assholes.
Cats are notorious for being jerks.Dogs, ducks, geese, seagulls, crows...all have dickish individuals.
What're some species that would be least likely to solve a crossword puzzle, but still produce a significant percentage of assholes?
Like are there any shrimp out there that are just little fuckers?
@alice oh wait, is this not a post about how humans have pretty butts?
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@alice are elephants a counter example? I don't recall ever hearing of an elephant being a jerk.
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@raaahbin @alice This tracks. As a kid growing up on a horse farm, we constantly had plovers nesting in the middle of our riding arena. My trainer made me ride over them and no shit it scarred me for life. They’d run away from the nest as a distraction, with varying results. Pretty sure I trampled a few. I now compulsively put out bird feeders as restitution.
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@pewnack @alice
Your technique seems very thorough and borne of years of practice. I claim no credit as we were just using the tools that had been provided.We were also freaked out by a roach the size of a table fork and left a camping lamp on the floor hoping it would either go away or at least not come near us.
When we checked later, a beautiful leaf bug had come to the lamp. It moved slowly like a tiny sloth. It was wonderful.
Something like this (not my photo, didn't want to scare it)
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@Irenetherogue what makes lionfish jerky?
(cue dehydration joke)
@alice mainly that the thing that makes them invasive in the northern Atlantic ocean is that their local prey is the young of all the local fish, such that there are hardly any of the local fish at all anymore, in particular they prey on the young of the creatures that naturally/normally clean and maintain the local reefs. Plus, theyre aggressive.
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One summer while I was wearing shorts, I had a big hornet fly over, bite into the side of my thigh and then proceed to sting me like half a dozen times for no apparent reason.
I feel like hornets, wasps, and yellow jackets are all pretty much raging assholes.
@alice No-see-um: An asshole with jaws.
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It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
Humans? Legendary assholes.
Dolphins? Assholes.
Cats are notorious for being jerks.Dogs, ducks, geese, seagulls, crows...all have dickish individuals.
What're some species that would be least likely to solve a crossword puzzle, but still produce a significant percentage of assholes?
Like are there any shrimp out there that are just little fuckers?
@alice It takes a brain to be an asshole.
I mean, no one calls a lion an asshole for killing a zebra. That's just survival. A lion doesn't know how to be an asshole.
I think you're absolutely right, but the same animals have the capacity to be selfless and caring.
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It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
Humans? Legendary assholes.
Dolphins? Assholes.
Cats are notorious for being jerks.Dogs, ducks, geese, seagulls, crows...all have dickish individuals.
What're some species that would be least likely to solve a crossword puzzle, but still produce a significant percentage of assholes?
Like are there any shrimp out there that are just little fuckers?
@alice My first thought was pigeons. Don’t know why…
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It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
Humans? Legendary assholes.
Dolphins? Assholes.
Cats are notorious for being jerks.Dogs, ducks, geese, seagulls, crows...all have dickish individuals.
What're some species that would be least likely to solve a crossword puzzle, but still produce a significant percentage of assholes?
Like are there any shrimp out there that are just little fuckers?
-
It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
Humans? Legendary assholes.
Dolphins? Assholes.
Cats are notorious for being jerks.Dogs, ducks, geese, seagulls, crows...all have dickish individuals.
What're some species that would be least likely to solve a crossword puzzle, but still produce a significant percentage of assholes?
Like are there any shrimp out there that are just little fuckers?
@alice Funny you ask this. We have two Guinea Pigs. They're sisters. Both cute as heck and dumb as rocks. But one is a real jerk. Bullies her sister, nips at fingers, steals food.
The bonus fact is - it used to be the other way around. When they were young the other sister was the jerk. One aged into a sweetheart & the other into a crotchety grump.
So attitude is fluid among #GuineaPigs apparently.
(Photo is Kaysah - the nice one.)
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It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
Humans? Legendary assholes.
Dolphins? Assholes.
Cats are notorious for being jerks.Dogs, ducks, geese, seagulls, crows...all have dickish individuals.
What're some species that would be least likely to solve a crossword puzzle, but still produce a significant percentage of assholes?
Like are there any shrimp out there that are just little fuckers?
@alice Houseflies. Nearly forty years later I vividly remember a sleepless night at my grandparents' caused by this utter bastard who flew a pattern from one corner of the room to the opposite and back, each time dive bombing my head. All goddamn night, every few seconds.
You'd best _believe_ I hunted this one the next day.
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It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
Humans? Legendary assholes.
Dolphins? Assholes.
Cats are notorious for being jerks.Dogs, ducks, geese, seagulls, crows...all have dickish individuals.
What're some species that would be least likely to solve a crossword puzzle, but still produce a significant percentage of assholes?
Like are there any shrimp out there that are just little fuckers?
@alice
A correlation between aggression and intelligence? You know, I believe it.
