you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
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you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
https://www.closertotheedge.net/p/the-dildo-distribution-delegation
Nobody flinched. Nobody laughed nervously. Nobody asked, “Are you okay?”
They just nodded like hardened revolutionaries and said, “Okay, how many?”
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I do think libertarians throwing them at women's basketball players is stupid though.
@darwinwoodka they never have any original ideas, do they?
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you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
https://www.closertotheedge.net/p/the-dildo-distribution-delegation
@susankayequinn " The air vibrated with that very specific end-of-empire energy where your brain says this is insane but your soul says don’t stop, this is sacred."
And that's before the dildos come in to play
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you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
https://www.closertotheedge.net/p/the-dildo-distribution-delegation
@susankayequinn ICE should appreciate what the people are doing. They are running around with such little dick energy, and these people are trying to help.
We see your little dick problem sir, here is a big dick for you! Enjoy!
LOL
They really do have such fragile egos.
but they chose this path, they joined ICE, they followed the orders (willfully and enthusiastically) and then they escalated to murder so fuck them.
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you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
https://www.closertotheedge.net/p/the-dildo-distribution-delegation
@susankayequinn I would like to read this, but Substack is a fucking Nazi bar. So I wont.
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you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
https://www.closertotheedge.net/p/the-dildo-distribution-delegation
I stood there, half-blind, lungs on fire, thinking:
We just got tear-gassed over a dildo.
Not a brick. Not a Molotov. Not a weapon.
A rubber dick.
That is how fragile federal masculinity is in 2026.
Hunter S. is smiling down from whatever opium laced reality he finds himself in. This is some top tier gonzo reporting.
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you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
https://www.closertotheedge.net/p/the-dildo-distribution-delegation
@susankayequinn @cstross I misspoke earlier when I said that “George Soros Bought Me a Handwarmer” was the name of my new band.
After careful consideration, the name of my new band is now "Clearance-Bin Dildos”.
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you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
https://www.closertotheedge.net/p/the-dildo-distribution-delegation
@susankayequinn
Dildos, not deaths! 🥰
️
️🪈
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@susankayequinn @cstross I misspoke earlier when I said that “George Soros Bought Me a Handwarmer” was the name of my new band.
After careful consideration, the name of my new band is now "Clearance-Bin Dildos”.
-
you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
https://www.closertotheedge.net/p/the-dildo-distribution-delegation
@susankayequinn @brunogirin I'm sad to say that this reads like classic ChatGPT in sentence structure
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@susankayequinn @brunogirin I'm sad to say that this reads like classic ChatGPT in sentence structure
@vaurora I think you have no idea what chatGPT sounds like... this is definitely not that
@brunogirin -
@susankayequinn @cstross I misspoke earlier when I said that “George Soros Bought Me a Handwarmer” was the name of my new band.
After careful consideration, the name of my new band is now "Clearance-Bin Dildos”.
Clearance-Bin Dildos is the first album by George Soros Bought Me A Handwarmer, surely?
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you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
https://www.closertotheedge.net/p/the-dildo-distribution-delegation
@susankayequinn give them their goddamned Pulitzer right now. Right. The. Hell. Now.
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you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
https://www.closertotheedge.net/p/the-dildo-distribution-delegation
Paraphrasing the dependent clauses that caught me:
When your brain says "Stop, this is insane," but your soul says, "No, don't stop, this is sacred"
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you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
https://www.closertotheedge.net/p/the-dildo-distribution-delegation
@susankayequinn
Boss makes a dollar
I make a dime
That's why I read about tactical dicks
On company time -
@susankayequinn
Boss makes a dollar
I make a dime
That's why I read about tactical dicks
On company time -
you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
https://www.closertotheedge.net/p/the-dildo-distribution-delegation
@susankayequinn this is glorious!
"The air vibrated with that very specific end-of-empire energy where your brain says this is insane but your soul says don’t stop, this is sacred."
-
you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
https://www.closertotheedge.net/p/the-dildo-distribution-delegation
@susankayequinn the sad part of that is that was the MN National Guard in the yellow vests, which Waltz said was there to protect protesters, and they didn't stop to process what happened, they fired on people. Shame on them, and shame on Waltz.
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you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
https://www.closertotheedge.net/p/the-dildo-distribution-delegation
@susankayequinn that was glorious.
I have an idea involving my expensive lightsaber and a dildo.
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you *must* read the Battle of the Dildo at the Minneapolis Graduate Hotel (where ICE is lodging):
"The revolution did not arrive with speeches, pamphlets, or a carefully moderated Zoom call about optics. It arrived in a cardboard box full of clearance-bin dildos, under purple neon light."
one of the most beautiful things I've ever read
https://www.closertotheedge.net/p/the-dildo-distribution-delegation
@susankayequinn What a marvel of a quote!!!!
> The very first rubber dick to touch government-issued leather boots triggered a full-blown chemical weapons response. That is not metaphor. That is not exaggeration. That is a literal sentence that happened in America in 2026.
