I have been slowly befriending one of the local cats that comes into our garden sometimes.
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@astronomerritt this also is how you make friends with kids. And yes, for the same reason as with cats, little kids will sometimes love the person who "just doesn't know what to do with kids".
The person who treats them like adults in the good way: doesn't bother them, doesn't talk down to them.
@quidcumque This is so true and I’d never quite put it together like that. I also tend to get on with kids and again 80% of that is respecting their boundaries/them as individuals. (The other 20% is genuine interest in whatever they’re into.)
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@quidcumque This is so true and I’d never quite put it together like that. I also tend to get on with kids and again 80% of that is respecting their boundaries/them as individuals. (The other 20% is genuine interest in whatever they’re into.)
@astronomerritt yes, exactly this!
I realized this when I observed how my (voluntarily childfree, thank you VERY much) best friend interacts with my kids. They LOVE her despite usually being quite shy with people they don't see often.
At one point, I literally thought, "ah, this works just like with cats"
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this is why cats seem to gravitate towards the one person in a room who doesn’t like cats. it isn’t spite or contrariness! it’s just that the cat-disliking person ISN’T BOTHERING THEM.
cats often find human behaviour confusing! but a human sitting there minding their own business and not looking at them is honestly pretty cat behaviour, and thus comprehensible to them as “relaxed, predictable, not being weird or threatening”
@astronomerritt Pretending to not be very excited to see a cat is excruciating.
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@astronomerritt I reckon most of people's problems getting on with cats are down to our body language being diametrically opposed.
@woe2you @astronomerritt I think you're probably right and, if you are, then that explains a lot about me and my socialising. Because I definitely understand cats better than dogs or people!
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@astronomerritt Pretending to not be very excited to see a cat is excruciating.
@heavyimage Isn’t it, though?? I am always so excited to meet a cat
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@heavyimage Isn’t it, though?? I am always so excited to meet a cat
@astronomerritt same
One of mine is very shy and I should probably leave him alone but it's so hard not to want to hang with himmmmm
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@astronomerritt same
One of mine is very shy and I should probably leave him alone but it's so hard not to want to hang with himmmmm
@heavyimage I had the ROUGHEST time of this with my parents’ kittens and definitely gave into the Urge To Pet once or twice, luckily they didn’t hold it against me
I hope your shy boy becomes more confident!!
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@woe2you @astronomerritt I think you're probably right and, if you are, then that explains a lot about me and my socialising. Because I definitely understand cats better than dogs or people!
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this is why cats seem to gravitate towards the one person in a room who doesn’t like cats. it isn’t spite or contrariness! it’s just that the cat-disliking person ISN’T BOTHERING THEM.
cats often find human behaviour confusing! but a human sitting there minding their own business and not looking at them is honestly pretty cat behaviour, and thus comprehensible to them as “relaxed, predictable, not being weird or threatening”
this is also partially why cats like to come bother you when you’re focused on something else. your behaviour is relaxed and predictable, you’re not making eye contact with them, you’re broadcasting “chill” in cat language.
of course, if the cat is your friend, they also simply want your love and attention, and you don’t seem to be doing anything important to a cat. you’re clearly not hunting or sleeping or eating. so why not cuddle time??? why stare at the glowy box when you could be PETTING THE CAT.
why indeed, honestly.
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this is also partially why cats like to come bother you when you’re focused on something else. your behaviour is relaxed and predictable, you’re not making eye contact with them, you’re broadcasting “chill” in cat language.
of course, if the cat is your friend, they also simply want your love and attention, and you don’t seem to be doing anything important to a cat. you’re clearly not hunting or sleeping or eating. so why not cuddle time??? why stare at the glowy box when you could be PETTING THE CAT.
why indeed, honestly.
@astronomerritt all cats are autistic
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@heavyimage I had the ROUGHEST time of this with my parents’ kittens and definitely gave into the Urge To Pet once or twice, luckily they didn’t hold it against me
I hope your shy boy becomes more confident!!
@astronomerritt I've discovered that pets are deeply unwelcome unless he is like half asleep and I sneak up on him -- my headcanon is he's relaxed enough that his desire to be fussed overtakes his anxiety. But he seems to forget the next morning that I could have eaten him but didn't and was in fact a gentle friend
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I have been slowly befriending one of the local cats that comes into our garden sometimes. He is very skittish but will now happily sit a little way away while I garden, will exchange slow blinks with me, and will let me within about two feet of him.
I basically just talk to him whenever I see him, slowly approach, and as soon as he starts to look nervous I stop and retreat. He used to bolt whenever I opened the back door so this is progress. Maybe one day I can pet him but if not he’s welcome to be my lil gardening supervisor.
@astronomerritt Fun fact: being a safe person to somebody who has ben traumatised is the bulk of doing psychotherapy.
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@astronomerritt I've discovered that pets are deeply unwelcome unless he is like half asleep and I sneak up on him -- my headcanon is he's relaxed enough that his desire to be fussed overtakes his anxiety. But he seems to forget the next morning that I could have eaten him but didn't and was in fact a gentle friend
@heavyimage Oh, bless his poor anxious heart! How long have you had him? I know some cats can take a long while to warm up to people.
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@astronomerritt Fun fact: being a safe person to somebody who has ben traumatised is the bulk of doing psychotherapy.
@riley Speaking as someone with cPTSD, it would be nice if more mental health professionals understood this.
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@heavyimage Oh, bless his poor anxious heart! How long have you had him? I know some cats can take a long while to warm up to people.
@astronomerritt about a month or so. I'm doing my best to be patient. Even being able to pet him while moving around like solid snake is a huge improvement on a few weeks ago. He's hanging out with me in my office RN so I think he's tolerating me.
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@astronomerritt about a month or so. I'm doing my best to be patient. Even being able to pet him while moving around like solid snake is a huge improvement on a few weeks ago. He's hanging out with me in my office RN so I think he's tolerating me.
@astronomerritt (though he's here because of the birdfeeder I set up outside that he is LASER FOCUSED on)
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@astronomerritt about a month or so. I'm doing my best to be patient. Even being able to pet him while moving around like solid snake is a huge improvement on a few weeks ago. He's hanging out with me in my office RN so I think he's tolerating me.
@heavyimage Oooh, that he chooses to hang out with you is a great sign, he trusts you to keep him safe at least! Sounds like he’s making a lot of progress 🥰
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@astronomerritt (though he's here because of the birdfeeder I set up outside that he is LASER FOCUSED on)
@heavyimage ha! that probably helps. windows that look onto birds are basically cat televisions
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@heavyimage ha! that probably helps. windows that look onto birds are basically cat televisions
@astronomerritt Yes little do the birds realized they are being fed for entertainment! Best not to think about it too hard.
By birds I of course mean squirrels.
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@astronomerritt all cats are autistic
@alicemcalicepants this is so true though
cats communicate honestly, hate prolonged eye contact, have strong boundaries and preferences, tend to prefer cosy, enclosed and dim surroundings, and are often mistaken for aloof or cold by people who just don’t understand their behaviour (and won’t bother trying)
