I've rediscovered the meaning of clothes in my life and these days I get really joyful and excited about it.
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Earlier this year, I went through all my clothes, holding them in my hands, one by one, and asked myself if it sparks joy. And surely enough, the months that passed have been filled with inspiration and a kind of deep knowing - this is what I like and feel great about. If you haven't tried Marie Kondo's method and find it hard to believe that it works, I suggest you try it out and get a real experience.
@malte Pretty much everyone who started with their clothes didn't end with the categories from the book, but way beyond, decluttering the relationships, friends, workplaces, countries... It is a good thing, less stuff gives you clarity, but just so that you know what to expect.
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Perhaps the most important difference for me in how I approach clothes compared to my adolescence is that clothes don't signify identity so much as they're a bunch of languages. We always speak with our clothes. Somethings are immediately understandable to others, others are ambiguous or contradictory, and some are unintelligible to all but a few.
Some things, perhaps the best things, I end up wearing because they seem to carry a deeper meaning that might just be known by myself. But it doesn't matter. Some things are great to tell yourself too. I have clothes that I mainly wear to tell myself some things and every time it makes me feel great. They might even be misunderstood by quite a few folks, but still are worth saying.
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@malte Pretty much everyone who started with their clothes didn't end with the categories from the book, but way beyond, decluttering the relationships, friends, workplaces, countries... It is a good thing, less stuff gives you clarity, but just so that you know what to expect.
@rhelune Well said. It really is a method that applies to so much of the "stuff" in our lives. And you're right that sometimes includes relationships that just seem to linger in our periphery but do not get "used" but just give you (and probably the other party) a sense of bad consciousness. And yes, workplaces, where we live etc. With my good friend we've used the expression "doesn't spark joy" jokingly about all sorts of things like this, but now reading your comment, I'm encouraged!
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M malte@radikal.social shared this topic
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Perhaps the most important difference for me in how I approach clothes compared to my adolescence is that clothes don't signify identity so much as they're a bunch of languages. We always speak with our clothes. Somethings are immediately understandable to others, others are ambiguous or contradictory, and some are unintelligible to all but a few.
@malte The latter is the best.
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Some things, perhaps the best things, I end up wearing because they seem to carry a deeper meaning that might just be known by myself. But it doesn't matter. Some things are great to tell yourself too. I have clothes that I mainly wear to tell myself some things and every time it makes me feel great. They might even be misunderstood by quite a few folks, but still are worth saying.
As I reflect on the meaning of clothes in my life, a sadness also comes up. I'm sad that boys and men in my part of the world, and this day and age, are still so restrained in how we dress. As men are restrained in so many things that have to do about showing oneself and showing the things that matter to us. Showing something is always vulnerable - exposing is perhaps a more fitting word.
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As I reflect on the meaning of clothes in my life, a sadness also comes up. I'm sad that boys and men in my part of the world, and this day and age, are still so restrained in how we dress. As men are restrained in so many things that have to do about showing oneself and showing the things that matter to us. Showing something is always vulnerable - exposing is perhaps a more fitting word.
What I've learned from being a boy and a man is that exposing myself to other men is always dangerous. You can get hurt. By name-calling or actual physical violence. I've always felt deviant among the men in my life. And the clothes often showed. In my compliant or depressed periods, less so. In my more anxious and defiant periods, probably a bit too much.
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F folfdk@helvede.net shared this topic
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@malte The latter is the best.
@liebach I think those moments teach you that you've individuated yourself a lot. Sometimes they really are the best yes. In other contexts, I am happy that I've also learned to speak with my clothes in a way that most people understand - esp. if I need to tell them something about myself and keep other things to myself. It's all about context. Sometimes I feel best when I keep my mouth shut.
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What I've learned from being a boy and a man is that exposing myself to other men is always dangerous. You can get hurt. By name-calling or actual physical violence. I've always felt deviant among the men in my life. And the clothes often showed. In my compliant or depressed periods, less so. In my more anxious and defiant periods, probably a bit too much.
It might be helpful to remember that men are the most likely victims of male violence. Patriarchal violence against other men often wants to force men into conformity, i.e. not "showing" something that is too different. All deviant men knows this experience. The loss of dignity is the first price that deviant men pay for that. So you hide an important part of yourself (shame). And everyone else loses out too - on a lot of potential beauty and creativity. True character actually!
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It might be helpful to remember that men are the most likely victims of male violence. Patriarchal violence against other men often wants to force men into conformity, i.e. not "showing" something that is too different. All deviant men knows this experience. The loss of dignity is the first price that deviant men pay for that. So you hide an important part of yourself (shame). And everyone else loses out too - on a lot of potential beauty and creativity. True character actually!
And this is also the first judgement that comes up for me against men that engage in violence with the goal of making other men conform: Your anxieties about difference are getting in the way of developing true character. Look at you - you look like someone wearing your clothes as a shield to protect a fragile sense of self. I'm sure that helped you once. Do you think you're brave enough to show us a bit more who you are? I know it takes courage. Are you man enough to relax a bit?
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And this is also the first judgement that comes up for me against men that engage in violence with the goal of making other men conform: Your anxieties about difference are getting in the way of developing true character. Look at you - you look like someone wearing your clothes as a shield to protect a fragile sense of self. I'm sure that helped you once. Do you think you're brave enough to show us a bit more who you are? I know it takes courage. Are you man enough to relax a bit?
Posted as thread here: https://minus1.ghost.io/the-meaning-of-clothes-in-my-life
