Suppose you join a new club, or start a new job and meet a group of 15 to 20 new people all at once.
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Suppose you join a new club, or start a new job and meet a group of 15 to 20 new people all at once. How long would it take you to learn all of their names?
for two years in my early twenties I attended a school that was a lot like primary school in that most of the classes were with the same people and it was every weekday from morning until early afternoon.
6 months in, during lunch, somebody complained about a Nicole in our class and my response was "We have a Nicole in our class?!" They spent several minutes describing her before I knew who they meant. -
I've always *thought* I had a problem remembering names, but really everyone seems to say this and I think my natural retention is about average. And my profession means I need to remember an unnatural number of names.
After much emotional agony I just started making flash cards. The only thing that kept me from doing this for so long was the feeling that it was "business bro" behavior. But, it was the best decision ever. Mostly because it makes me less flustered and stressed.
@futurebird my biggest problem with names is actually learning someone's name, most especially the names of people I instantly get along with. There are more than a few people who I "catch up with" whenever I see them(update them on raccoons, show them cat pictures, stuff like that) whose name I might not know for years.
Cat though, I never have a problem with. No cat that comes near me leaves without a name or a nickname within an hour of meeting them.
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Do you feel annoyed when someone can't seem to remember your name and must ask you?
@futurebird
The more attractive, the less likely. -
With my own name?
I never liked it when adults would remember my name as a child/teen... it often meant they were paying too much attention to me and that meant I could get away with less.
My students have a funny sing-song way of saying my name that I find very funny and endearing now "Missus --- ---- ---!"
Mostly because they are asking for help and they think the problems are too difficult. (They are not 'too difficult' apply your mind like a laser, it will fall apart as soon as you do.)
Oh, we want a tale of your childhood shenanigans !
(maybe I should say "tales" as there should be a lot of them ?)
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@futurebird I have moderate face blindness, so I will often get names wrong too as it's difficult for me to match the face with the names I've just learned.
If I'm introduced to three or fewer people, there's a slight chance that I can force myself to remember, but any more than that I just straight up tell people that I will get it wrong.
@roknrol @futurebird I have almost the opposite problem: almost infallible memory for faces, but typically cannot remember names on a first meeting! I have to consciously come up with a way to visually link the face with the name, which I'll only bother with if the social or professional cost of getting it wrong are high enough.
Otherwise, most people do seem to appreciate the honesty of just admitting you're crap with names and apologising in advance.
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When faced with so many new names do you do anything to help you remember?
@futurebird I write down names & look people up the internal directory or online to see if they have a photo, then save those pix on my devices with their names written on them
️ I have #aphantasia, so I don't get a visual refresh when I think about people – all I see in my "mind's eye" is… nothing. if I didn't do all this I’d basically never remember anyone's name 🫥
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Every year I have one student with a name that's pronounced in a different way than I expect. I've had this happen with the name "Ann" (the student went by "on" not "ahn")
I still haven't perfected the solution to that one and feel terrible when I get the stress or vowels wrong for the second or third time.
The more subtile a name the faster the student tends to say it... probably because they are tired of correcting their teachers, but that makes it harder.
Do you get a handover from other teachers?@futurebird
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Do you get a handover from other teachers?@futurebird
handover?
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Do you worry about not knowing names?
@futurebird since my profession is a more visually-biased one (and most folks I come into contact with know this), if I can’t remember a name I’ll usually say “I’m good with faces but horrible with names; what’s yours, again?” and that usually produces a grin and a name to go with it from them. Mind you: it took me decades to figure out this strategy
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I use digital flash cards and the school's yearbooks for photos. Then I can just flip through each class on the train a few times and after about 4 or 5 sessions I have them all.
When I started using flashcards for names I felt bad about it (since it seemed like someone who really cared about the people around them would just naturally remember names)
But, when I started doing it I realized it was a chance to think about each student a little without the classroom distractions, so, it stoped seeming cynical to me.
One fall I had over 200 new names to learn. That's what drove me to the cards. No normal person could learn that many names "naturally"
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When I started using flashcards for names I felt bad about it (since it seemed like someone who really cared about the people around them would just naturally remember names)
But, when I started doing it I realized it was a chance to think about each student a little without the classroom distractions, so, it stoped seeming cynical to me.
One fall I had over 200 new names to learn. That's what drove me to the cards. No normal person could learn that many names "naturally"
If names cause you stress I say "make the cards" it will save you so much distress and it's fun to see if you can say every name that you have learned each day "in context."
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Every year I have one student with a name that's pronounced in a different way than I expect. I've had this happen with the name "Ann" (the student went by "on" not "ahn")
I still haven't perfected the solution to that one and feel terrible when I get the stress or vowels wrong for the second or third time.
The more subtile a name the faster the student tends to say it... probably because they are tired of correcting their teachers, but that makes it harder.
@futurebird I know it’s a telemarketer immediately when they ask for Ap-ril and not A-pril.
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When I started using flashcards for names I felt bad about it (since it seemed like someone who really cared about the people around them would just naturally remember names)
But, when I started doing it I realized it was a chance to think about each student a little without the classroom distractions, so, it stoped seeming cynical to me.
One fall I had over 200 new names to learn. That's what drove me to the cards. No normal person could learn that many names "naturally"
Doesn't show lack of connection. Shows you care!
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Do you worry about not knowing names?
@futurebird I used to until I learned about #aphantasia but since then I’ve tried to be kinder to myself. now I just tell people up front that I’ll do my best to remember their name & connect it to their face but that I’m a bit face-blind – and whether it's because of the neurodiverse circles I run in or whether it's a more universal anxiety, so many people then admit that they're also "bad with names" & that they generally have anxiety about it
if I realise I’ve met someone before & I can't recall their name or the context about where we met previously, I’ll just say something like, "I’m sorry but I’m a bit face-blind so names don't stick, what's your name again?"
most people seem fine if you're just matter-of-fact about it when they realise that you're not deliberately slighting them / that you didn't think they weren't worth bothering to remember / that it wasn't that they aren't memorable
️ and of course I’m if they haven't heard about aphantasia before their minds are often a little bit blown & it can be a great organic ice-breaker
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handover?
@futurebird @BenAveling I presume they mean if the kids have been in a previous class, can you ask the previous teachers if any of them have different pronunciations etc.
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I've always *thought* I had a problem remembering names, but really everyone seems to say this and I think my natural retention is about average. And my profession means I need to remember an unnatural number of names.
After much emotional agony I just started making flash cards. The only thing that kept me from doing this for so long was the feeling that it was "business bro" behavior. But, it was the best decision ever. Mostly because it makes me less flustered and stressed.
This is one thing I love about some support groups. It's customary to say your name not only at the introduction part of the meeting but also at the start of each time you share. This is super, super helpful.
I'd like to know where the expectation comes from that you're supposed to remember everyone's names after only one introduction. I don't know anybody who can do that.
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@futurebird @BenAveling I presume they mean if the kids have been in a previous class, can you ask the previous teachers if any of them have different pronunciations etc.
I get mixed results.
We have a place in our online system where students can record their own name and I need to twist the arm of the tech staff to have them all do this when they set up their machines in the fall.
Hearing the student say it is the best.
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When faced with so many new names do you do anything to help you remember?
@futurebird I practice "use it or lose it" when it comes to names. When someone tells me their name, I repeat it back to them. Then I try to use it in a sentence sometime in their presence. And again I say goodbye.
Repetition on its own works sometimes, but putting that repetition into a functional context seems to work better. (Same thing with facts in general: anki cards work okay, but actually using a fact — say, writing it into a story or deploying it in conversation — works better.)
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This is one thing I love about some support groups. It's customary to say your name not only at the introduction part of the meeting but also at the start of each time you share. This is super, super helpful.
I'd like to know where the expectation comes from that you're supposed to remember everyone's names after only one introduction. I don't know anybody who can do that.
I think I might ask students to do this during our first two classes as they also need to get to know each other.
Not a bad idea.
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I get mixed results.
We have a place in our online system where students can record their own name and I need to twist the arm of the tech staff to have them all do this when they set up their machines in the fall.
Hearing the student say it is the best.
Sadly I've had other teachers tell me the wrong way to say a name with great confidence ... which I kind of get, I might make the same mistake if the student hasn't clued me in that I'm doing it wrong.
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