I hope John Roberts can't watch the NFL playoff games today because he has explosive diarrhea.
-
When his Greyhound bus finally stops somewhere long enough for a meal, #IHopeJohnRoberts is mildly puzzled because he doesn't remember there being a town called Columbus between D.C. and Portland, Maine, but ofc there are lots of Columbuses and he's so engrossed in his book (Kerouac's "On the Road") that he thinks no more about it and keeps his nose buried in his paperback while scarfing his hamburger and then gets back on the bus and continues reading as it speeds him on towards Indianapolis.
#IHopeJohnRoberts 's really pretty good-tasting lunch hamburger was topped with unwashed #cyclospora-tainted lettuce so that he spends several hours in the Greyhound bus's tiny lavatory instead of gazing out the big window, and therefore he continues not to realize that his secret independent trip to "Portland, Maine" has just taken him through Indianapolis and that he's now en route to Peoria.
-
#IHopeJohnRoberts 's really pretty good-tasting lunch hamburger was topped with unwashed #cyclospora-tainted lettuce so that he spends several hours in the Greyhound bus's tiny lavatory instead of gazing out the big window, and therefore he continues not to realize that his secret independent trip to "Portland, Maine" has just taken him through Indianapolis and that he's now en route to Peoria.
Now #IHopeJohnRoberts 's intestinal upset continues, and that the TP in the tiny (and now smelly) bathroom on the Greyhound bus is super scratchy.
-
Now #IHopeJohnRoberts 's intestinal upset continues, and that the TP in the tiny (and now smelly) bathroom on the Greyhound bus is super scratchy.
Yeah, the toilet tissue keeps ripping through, and the tiny Greyhound bus lavatory is out of soap.
#IHopeJohnRoberts -
Yeah, the toilet tissue keeps ripping through, and the tiny Greyhound bus lavatory is out of soap.
#IHopeJohnRoberts#IHopeJohnRoberts 's Greyhound bus makes a long stop in Kansas City and he finally realizes he's going to Portland, Oregon and not Portland, Maine, and he feels really stupid both for his initial mistake and for not realizing it earlier, but also he's finally recovering from his intestinal problem and is super hungry, so he buys some spare ribs at a nearby barbecue joint filled with Black people near the bus station and oh my god it's so good he no longer even minds his accidental adventure and he stays there well after finishing his meal, just enjoying the music and watching people very unlike those he usually associates with but actually not so different, until the proprietor, a bald man with massive guns and wearing a pristine clean apron, very courteously explains that people are waiting for his table, and he apologizes and goes outside and stands on the sidewalk for a long while, savoring the sense of simply not giving any fucks at all about any of his usual concerns, and then he walks back to the bus station, confirms that his ticket will allow him to get on a later bus if he wants, fetches his small duffel bag and his paperback copy of "On The Road," and walks back out into the town, with no idea what he'll do next.
-
#IHopeJohnRoberts 's Greyhound bus makes a long stop in Kansas City and he finally realizes he's going to Portland, Oregon and not Portland, Maine, and he feels really stupid both for his initial mistake and for not realizing it earlier, but also he's finally recovering from his intestinal problem and is super hungry, so he buys some spare ribs at a nearby barbecue joint filled with Black people near the bus station and oh my god it's so good he no longer even minds his accidental adventure and he stays there well after finishing his meal, just enjoying the music and watching people very unlike those he usually associates with but actually not so different, until the proprietor, a bald man with massive guns and wearing a pristine clean apron, very courteously explains that people are waiting for his table, and he apologizes and goes outside and stands on the sidewalk for a long while, savoring the sense of simply not giving any fucks at all about any of his usual concerns, and then he walks back to the bus station, confirms that his ticket will allow him to get on a later bus if he wants, fetches his small duffel bag and his paperback copy of "On The Road," and walks back out into the town, with no idea what he'll do next.
As he wanders around downtown Kansas City near the bus station, trying to remain anonymous and wondering what to do next, #IHopeJohnRoberts has trouble finding a motel or hotel that will accept him without showing ID or leaving a credit card and therefore creating a record that would lead to him being discovered and his adventure cut short, and when he finally does find one that will take cash without ID, the room smells funny and once he's inside and unpacking he realizes that in every hidden place, behind the curtains, on the shower rail, in the closet, under the bed, even tucked into the Gideon bible at John 3:16 like a bookmark for God's sake, the proprietor has hidden those little pine tree-shaped automotive air fresheners, which end up making the room reek like a forest had a baby with mothballs, and because he has no choice he stays there anyway but as he falls asleep tonight he wonders how long ago someone died in that room and how long it had taken before they were discovered and whether the owners had replaced the carpet and mattress or just cleaned them.
-
As he wanders around downtown Kansas City near the bus station, trying to remain anonymous and wondering what to do next, #IHopeJohnRoberts has trouble finding a motel or hotel that will accept him without showing ID or leaving a credit card and therefore creating a record that would lead to him being discovered and his adventure cut short, and when he finally does find one that will take cash without ID, the room smells funny and once he's inside and unpacking he realizes that in every hidden place, behind the curtains, on the shower rail, in the closet, under the bed, even tucked into the Gideon bible at John 3:16 like a bookmark for God's sake, the proprietor has hidden those little pine tree-shaped automotive air fresheners, which end up making the room reek like a forest had a baby with mothballs, and because he has no choice he stays there anyway but as he falls asleep tonight he wonders how long ago someone died in that room and how long it had taken before they were discovered and whether the owners had replaced the carpet and mattress or just cleaned them.
@msbellows Have you thought of collecting these & editing them into a short story or novel? JR's no good very bad misadventure or something?
-
As he wanders around downtown Kansas City near the bus station, trying to remain anonymous and wondering what to do next, #IHopeJohnRoberts has trouble finding a motel or hotel that will accept him without showing ID or leaving a credit card and therefore creating a record that would lead to him being discovered and his adventure cut short, and when he finally does find one that will take cash without ID, the room smells funny and once he's inside and unpacking he realizes that in every hidden place, behind the curtains, on the shower rail, in the closet, under the bed, even tucked into the Gideon bible at John 3:16 like a bookmark for God's sake, the proprietor has hidden those little pine tree-shaped automotive air fresheners, which end up making the room reek like a forest had a baby with mothballs, and because he has no choice he stays there anyway but as he falls asleep tonight he wonders how long ago someone died in that room and how long it had taken before they were discovered and whether the owners had replaced the carpet and mattress or just cleaned them.
#IHopeJohnRoberts's ridiculously low-rent motel room in K.C. is right next to a large Black Baptist church that holds its first Sunday service at 6 a.m., and also that his room has no air conditioning so he slept with his window open, and the gorgeous but very loud and very awake choir got him up bright and early so he thought what the hell, threw on clothes, stepped over the crushed dead rat on the threshold of his room without noticing it, and went and sat in the back of the church, where people gave him puzzled smiles at his whiteness and stranger-ness and casual clothes, but still seemed nice, and all through the service he just quietly thought about things, left $20 in the distribution, and then quietly slipped out at the end.
-
#IHopeJohnRoberts's ridiculously low-rent motel room in K.C. is right next to a large Black Baptist church that holds its first Sunday service at 6 a.m., and also that his room has no air conditioning so he slept with his window open, and the gorgeous but very loud and very awake choir got him up bright and early so he thought what the hell, threw on clothes, stepped over the crushed dead rat on the threshold of his room without noticing it, and went and sat in the back of the church, where people gave him puzzled smiles at his whiteness and stranger-ness and casual clothes, but still seemed nice, and all through the service he just quietly thought about things, left $20 in the distribution, and then quietly slipped out at the end.
As he continues walking around Kansas City with absolutely no purpose besides just being, #IHopeJohnRoberts hears a garbage truck rumbling and clattering on the next block, which reminds him of how homely and comforting it used to feel to be in his own home cozy in bed with his wife and hearing the early garbage truck come to take away whatever was unwanted and unneeded in their life, and he suddenly is struck by a tsunami of homesickness and loneliness and has to duck into an alley and slide down a wall until he is seated on the dirty ground with his knees pulled up protectively around his bowed head, just weathering the wave of unexpected and poignant emotion.
-
As he continues walking around Kansas City with absolutely no purpose besides just being, #IHopeJohnRoberts hears a garbage truck rumbling and clattering on the next block, which reminds him of how homely and comforting it used to feel to be in his own home cozy in bed with his wife and hearing the early garbage truck come to take away whatever was unwanted and unneeded in their life, and he suddenly is struck by a tsunami of homesickness and loneliness and has to duck into an alley and slide down a wall until he is seated on the dirty ground with his knees pulled up protectively around his bowed head, just weathering the wave of unexpected and poignant emotion.
After he recovers from his unexpected bout of nostalgia and loneliness, #IHopeJohnRoberts notices that right next to where he's sitting on the ground in the filthy Kansas City alley is yet another dead rat, and although he has no idea whether it is one of the weirdly crushed rats that kept showing up on his doorstep back home and that Scalia and Thomas threatened him with that one weird day in his chambers after he voted against Trump that time, or is just a typical random big city alleyway dead rat, he nevertheless briefly wonders what he possibly could have done to constantly be troubled by dead rats, but he can't think of anything he's ever actually done wrong (despite what his priest, children, and wife have tried to tell him), so he sets that troubling thought aside, gets up, and continues walking down the sidewalk, just another privileged white man blithely exploring the inner city like he's a tourist in the Global South or something.
-
After he recovers from his unexpected bout of nostalgia and loneliness, #IHopeJohnRoberts notices that right next to where he's sitting on the ground in the filthy Kansas City alley is yet another dead rat, and although he has no idea whether it is one of the weirdly crushed rats that kept showing up on his doorstep back home and that Scalia and Thomas threatened him with that one weird day in his chambers after he voted against Trump that time, or is just a typical random big city alleyway dead rat, he nevertheless briefly wonders what he possibly could have done to constantly be troubled by dead rats, but he can't think of anything he's ever actually done wrong (despite what his priest, children, and wife have tried to tell him), so he sets that troubling thought aside, gets up, and continues walking down the sidewalk, just another privileged white man blithely exploring the inner city like he's a tourist in the Global South or something.
#IHopeJohnRoberts thinks maybe he'll walk from downtown Kansas City towards the Missouri River, but he gets slightly disoriented and finds himself walking east instead of north, and as he crosses under the freeway a pigeon shits on his head.
-
@Tooden@aus.social Patience, brother, patience.
-
#IHopeJohnRoberts thinks maybe he'll walk from downtown Kansas City towards the Missouri River, but he gets slightly disoriented and finds himself walking east instead of north, and as he crosses under the freeway a pigeon shits on his head.
Update: when he reached up to see what had landed on his head, he also got pigeon shit on his sleeve, and it's not like he has a washing machine or spare clothes handy on his cross-country Greyhound bus trip. #IHopeJohnRoberts
-
Update: when he reached up to see what had landed on his head, he also got pigeon shit on his sleeve, and it's not like he has a washing machine or spare clothes handy on his cross-country Greyhound bus trip. #IHopeJohnRoberts
#IHopeJohnRoberts enjoyed "On the Road" more than he expected, and so when he saw a used bookstore as he was walking through K.C. he stopped to see if they had any more Kerouac but the proprietor said no, sorry, but some AI company had bought out all their Beat-era literature to scan and destroy.
-
#IHopeJohnRoberts enjoyed "On the Road" more than he expected, and so when he saw a used bookstore as he was walking through K.C. he stopped to see if they had any more Kerouac but the proprietor said no, sorry, but some AI company had bought out all their Beat-era literature to scan and destroy.
@msbellows So thy buy multiple copies?
-
@msbellows So thy buy multiple copies?
@geonz This bookstore owner only gets one copy of each book, to increase the diversity of his offerings.
-
#IHopeJohnRoberts enjoyed "On the Road" more than he expected, and so when he saw a used bookstore as he was walking through K.C. he stopped to see if they had any more Kerouac but the proprietor said no, sorry, but some AI company had bought out all their Beat-era literature to scan and destroy.
As he continues strolling aimlessly down urban #KansasCity streets, occasionally trying to rub the pigeon crap off his sleeve but forgetting that there's also some still in his hair, #IHopeJohnRoberts remembers that he's missing his nephew's wedding and hopes they aren't missing him too much. (They aren't.)
-
As he continues strolling aimlessly down urban #KansasCity streets, occasionally trying to rub the pigeon crap off his sleeve but forgetting that there's also some still in his hair, #IHopeJohnRoberts remembers that he's missing his nephew's wedding and hopes they aren't missing him too much. (They aren't.)
As he continues walking down dirty city streets, #IHopeJohnRoberts discovers a hole in the sole of one of his shoes.
-
As he continues walking down dirty city streets, #IHopeJohnRoberts discovers a hole in the sole of one of his shoes.
#IHopeJohnRoberts steps in a dirty puddle with the shoe with a hole in the sole.
-
#IHopeJohnRoberts steps in a dirty puddle with the shoe with a hole in the sole.
#IHopeJohnRoberts is still just walking down the street thinking his own thoughts when an unmarked white van rolls slowly by and two guys who seem to be wearing some sort of web gear look out the window at him and he realizes they might be ICE and suddenly panics that if they stop and demand to see his ID they'll realize who he is and then people will come and drag him back to DC and make him be Chief Justice again.
-
#IHopeJohnRoberts is still just walking down the street thinking his own thoughts when an unmarked white van rolls slowly by and two guys who seem to be wearing some sort of web gear look out the window at him and he realizes they might be ICE and suddenly panics that if they stop and demand to see his ID they'll realize who he is and then people will come and drag him back to DC and make him be Chief Justice again.
#IHopeJohnRoberts gets soaked in a brief morning thundershower then has to walk around the rest of the day in damp clothes that never quite dry in K.C.'s high humidity, and his crotch rot starts to return.
