I hope John Roberts can't watch the NFL playoff games today because he has explosive diarrhea.
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#IHopeJohnRoberts finally reaches the cheap generic motel near the bus station where he's rented a room without ID for cash and goes to his ground-floor room #107 and puts his big old-school key with the diamond-shaped plastic fob into the physical metal lock but it doesn't fit so he reverses it and tries again but it still doesn't fit and then the door bursts open and he's confronted by a huge bald tattooed caraway-skinned guy with a fading but visible erection behind the grayish tighty-whities he's wearing and behind him on the bed Roberts notices a skinny naked woman he thinks of as "mulatto" with small deflated pancake breasts and clothespins ??? on her dark oval gravity-drawn nipples right before the huge man shoves him backwards yelling "this is not your fucking room!" and as Roberts sprawls backwards onto his back on the dirty concrete he sees the motel sign looming above him on its thick metal pole illuminated against the twilight sky and even as he's falling he notices it says "Rodeway Mo-Tel" whereas his is the "Road-Waze Motor Hotel" and gosh does he feel embarrassed as the guy kicks him once in the ribs (soccer-style because he's barefoot) and slams the door closed again.
As he stumbles away from the wrong motel trying to find the right motel, #IHopeJohnRoberts has to stop because his ribs are hurting from that kick the guy gave him, and he slumps against the wall of a building and just sits on the sidewalk waiting to feel better, and a passerby sees him slumped on the ground with the hole in his shoe and the wet clothing and the look of despair and hands him a card with the address of a volunteer-run cafe that serves the unhoused, and Roberts simply has no tools or life experiences whatsoever that might allow him to even begin to know how he feels about that.
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As he stumbles away from the wrong motel trying to find the right motel, #IHopeJohnRoberts has to stop because his ribs are hurting from that kick the guy gave him, and he slumps against the wall of a building and just sits on the sidewalk waiting to feel better, and a passerby sees him slumped on the ground with the hole in his shoe and the wet clothing and the look of despair and hands him a card with the address of a volunteer-run cafe that serves the unhoused, and Roberts simply has no tools or life experiences whatsoever that might allow him to even begin to know how he feels about that.
#IHopeJohnRoberts finally finds his own motel, and he unlocks the door and goes inside and takes off all of his dirty wet clothing and steps in the shower and just stands there for twenty minutes, sluicing off the day's experiences, the grime and the damp and the mugging and the hunger and the confusion, and then steps out and realizes the maid didn't leave any clean towels, so he has to put his wet dirty clothes back on and walk down to the office and ask for some.
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#IHopeJohnRoberts finally finds his own motel, and he unlocks the door and goes inside and takes off all of his dirty wet clothing and steps in the shower and just stands there for twenty minutes, sluicing off the day's experiences, the grime and the damp and the mugging and the hunger and the confusion, and then steps out and realizes the maid didn't leave any clean towels, so he has to put his wet dirty clothes back on and walk down to the office and ask for some.
After he finally gets dry and clean after his long long day, #IHopeJohnRoberts remembers that stashed in his duffel bag he still has a ham sandwich in one of those disposable triangular plastic holders that he bought from the vending machine in the bus station a day or two ago, and he's so tired that instead of going out for food he just eats that even though it's stale and has that raglet of limp lettuce and just that one little packet of yellow mustard instead of his usual Dijon, and then he collapses onto the creaky double bed, but even though he's utterly exhausted he can't fall asleep because his mind is racing about rats and castles and the tiny knife the sad teenager was holding when he mugged him, so he tries to relax himself by masturbating while thinking about his beautiful and beloved but now estranged wife and not even that works so then he thinks about the woman he saw earlier today in the wrong hotel room with the flat saggy breasts and the clothespins on her nipples which was weird and yet inexplicably arousing and that actually works, but then after his tepid and unsatisfying orgasm dribbles weakly into one of those thin scratchy washcloths cheap motels always provide he started feeling guilty for fantasizing about someone other than his wife and he starts crying a little but without having any very strong emotions and finally he manages to quietly cry himself to sleep as the evening sounds of the unfamiliar city sing their dissonant lullaby.
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After he finally gets dry and clean after his long long day, #IHopeJohnRoberts remembers that stashed in his duffel bag he still has a ham sandwich in one of those disposable triangular plastic holders that he bought from the vending machine in the bus station a day or two ago, and he's so tired that instead of going out for food he just eats that even though it's stale and has that raglet of limp lettuce and just that one little packet of yellow mustard instead of his usual Dijon, and then he collapses onto the creaky double bed, but even though he's utterly exhausted he can't fall asleep because his mind is racing about rats and castles and the tiny knife the sad teenager was holding when he mugged him, so he tries to relax himself by masturbating while thinking about his beautiful and beloved but now estranged wife and not even that works so then he thinks about the woman he saw earlier today in the wrong hotel room with the flat saggy breasts and the clothespins on her nipples which was weird and yet inexplicably arousing and that actually works, but then after his tepid and unsatisfying orgasm dribbles weakly into one of those thin scratchy washcloths cheap motels always provide he started feeling guilty for fantasizing about someone other than his wife and he starts crying a little but without having any very strong emotions and finally he manages to quietly cry himself to sleep as the evening sounds of the unfamiliar city sing their dissonant lullaby.
@msbellows @Devils_Rancher …and then he has a fatal heart attack.
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@msbellows @Devils_Rancher …and then he has a fatal heart attack.
@michaelgemar @Devils_Rancher What, you want Trump to name his replacement?
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@michaelgemar @Devils_Rancher What, you want Trump to name his replacement?
@msbellows @michaelgemar Egads! May his fate be more similar to Mitch McConnell’s.
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@michaelgemar @Devils_Rancher What, you want Trump to name his replacement?
@msbellows @Devils_Rancher Good point — we don’t want Justice Barron Trump.
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@msbellows @Devils_Rancher Good point — we don’t want Justice Barron Trump.
@michaelgemar @Devils_Rancher CHIEF Justice Barron Trump.
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After he finally gets dry and clean after his long long day, #IHopeJohnRoberts remembers that stashed in his duffel bag he still has a ham sandwich in one of those disposable triangular plastic holders that he bought from the vending machine in the bus station a day or two ago, and he's so tired that instead of going out for food he just eats that even though it's stale and has that raglet of limp lettuce and just that one little packet of yellow mustard instead of his usual Dijon, and then he collapses onto the creaky double bed, but even though he's utterly exhausted he can't fall asleep because his mind is racing about rats and castles and the tiny knife the sad teenager was holding when he mugged him, so he tries to relax himself by masturbating while thinking about his beautiful and beloved but now estranged wife and not even that works so then he thinks about the woman he saw earlier today in the wrong hotel room with the flat saggy breasts and the clothespins on her nipples which was weird and yet inexplicably arousing and that actually works, but then after his tepid and unsatisfying orgasm dribbles weakly into one of those thin scratchy washcloths cheap motels always provide he started feeling guilty for fantasizing about someone other than his wife and he starts crying a little but without having any very strong emotions and finally he manages to quietly cry himself to sleep as the evening sounds of the unfamiliar city sing their dissonant lullaby.
#IHopeJohnRoberts dreams he's died and is now a faint, unhuman-shaped, almost Dalek-like ghost wandering stiffly through the backstage of his whole life, moving from scene to scene at will and tasting his past experiences, not re-experiencing them but just sort of impartially tasting what his life was like, and then finally getting bored of his own life begins tasting other people's lives, part of a crowd of similar mechanistic ghosts jostling around each other emotionally tasting each other's lives after having tired of their own, and so beginning the slow thinning of the sense of self that eventually leads to total dissolution (which explains why our planet isn't overwhelmed by billions of really old ghosts), and then an ambulance screams by Roberts' motel and he awakens with a start and is sad that he has to start experiencing his own life again.
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#IHopeJohnRoberts dreams he's died and is now a faint, unhuman-shaped, almost Dalek-like ghost wandering stiffly through the backstage of his whole life, moving from scene to scene at will and tasting his past experiences, not re-experiencing them but just sort of impartially tasting what his life was like, and then finally getting bored of his own life begins tasting other people's lives, part of a crowd of similar mechanistic ghosts jostling around each other emotionally tasting each other's lives after having tired of their own, and so beginning the slow thinning of the sense of self that eventually leads to total dissolution (which explains why our planet isn't overwhelmed by billions of really old ghosts), and then an ambulance screams by Roberts' motel and he awakens with a start and is sad that he has to start experiencing his own life again.
@msbellows @ai6yr He's gollum.
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@msbellows @ai6yr He's gollum.
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#IHopeJohnRoberts dreams he's died and is now a faint, unhuman-shaped, almost Dalek-like ghost wandering stiffly through the backstage of his whole life, moving from scene to scene at will and tasting his past experiences, not re-experiencing them but just sort of impartially tasting what his life was like, and then finally getting bored of his own life begins tasting other people's lives, part of a crowd of similar mechanistic ghosts jostling around each other emotionally tasting each other's lives after having tired of their own, and so beginning the slow thinning of the sense of self that eventually leads to total dissolution (which explains why our planet isn't overwhelmed by billions of really old ghosts), and then an ambulance screams by Roberts' motel and he awakens with a start and is sad that he has to start experiencing his own life again.
When he wakes up in his cheap Kansas City motel this morning,
#IHopeJohnRoberts discovers that most of his shirts and all of his socks and underwear are dirty so he quite resiliently washes them in the bathroom sink with some of the shampoo the hotel provides and hangs them over the various drying bars and feels proud of himself until he realizes that he now has no socks or underwear for the next few hours, so when he leaves his room to find some breakfast he's going commando in grey wool slacks and a raggy Harvard Law t-shirt he usually sleeps in, sockless in dress shoes with a hole in one sole. -
When he wakes up in his cheap Kansas City motel this morning,
#IHopeJohnRoberts discovers that most of his shirts and all of his socks and underwear are dirty so he quite resiliently washes them in the bathroom sink with some of the shampoo the hotel provides and hangs them over the various drying bars and feels proud of himself until he realizes that he now has no socks or underwear for the next few hours, so when he leaves his room to find some breakfast he's going commando in grey wool slacks and a raggy Harvard Law t-shirt he usually sleeps in, sockless in dress shoes with a hole in one sole.As the Chief Justice walks incognito around Kansas City sockless and commando, #IHopeJohnRoberts notices a headline that he has signed an order allowing Trump to keep building his ballroom, and wonders who is signing his name to things in his absence, and feels like he probably should be upset about being usurped and impersonated, but really isn't, at least not yet. https://news.bloomberglaw.com/ip-law/us-chief-justice-lets-trump-keep-building-ballroom-for-now
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As the Chief Justice walks incognito around Kansas City sockless and commando, #IHopeJohnRoberts notices a headline that he has signed an order allowing Trump to keep building his ballroom, and wonders who is signing his name to things in his absence, and feels like he probably should be upset about being usurped and impersonated, but really isn't, at least not yet. https://news.bloomberglaw.com/ip-law/us-chief-justice-lets-trump-keep-building-ballroom-for-now
@msbellows I live in KC, this checks out
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@msbellows I live in KC, this checks out
@albnelson Hey, I'm absolutely open to suggestions for things Roberts should do, or things that should happen to him, in KC! In this thread I've already had him eat brisket, visit the castle, and get mugged.
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@FiddleSix I adore you for that.
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@albnelson Hey, I'm absolutely open to suggestions for things Roberts should do, or things that should happen to him, in KC! In this thread I've already had him eat brisket, visit the castle, and get mugged.
@msbellows he should visit the WWI museum
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As the Chief Justice walks incognito around Kansas City sockless and commando, #IHopeJohnRoberts notices a headline that he has signed an order allowing Trump to keep building his ballroom, and wonders who is signing his name to things in his absence, and feels like he probably should be upset about being usurped and impersonated, but really isn't, at least not yet. https://news.bloomberglaw.com/ip-law/us-chief-justice-lets-trump-keep-building-ballroom-for-now
@msbellows whenever i see what he’s done to the American people’s house i hear this in my head https://soundfxcenter.com/download-sound/w2-grunt-they-re-destroying-our-city-sound-effect/
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As the Chief Justice walks incognito around Kansas City sockless and commando, #IHopeJohnRoberts notices a headline that he has signed an order allowing Trump to keep building his ballroom, and wonders who is signing his name to things in his absence, and feels like he probably should be upset about being usurped and impersonated, but really isn't, at least not yet. https://news.bloomberglaw.com/ip-law/us-chief-justice-lets-trump-keep-building-ballroom-for-now
I read that news earlier and knowing John is wandering sockless and commando whilst in an apathetic state, I wondered if the orders are being signed with a sharpie.
