This one is for the allies.

This one is for the allies. Please boost to get wider reach.

I know you're upset about what's going on. Me too. And, like me, I bet you frequently have that feeling of wanting to throw your hands up and say, "But what can I do about it?"

Let me give you one of the most powerful tools you can use to help fight bigotry. And it's a tool that only you can use, because any marginalized person who uses it will be seen as aggrieved and immediately discounted.

What is this amazing tool? I call it

Dude. Not cool.

This phrase. Commit it to memory (or something like it that's more in character for you). Use it when someone around you is being a bigot. It's not an angry phrase, it's more one you deliver with bafflement, like you're confused the bigot just said what they said.

Simple social disapproval, particularly coming from peers, friends, or coworkers at the same level, is powerful. We all want to belong. Clearly but subtly voicing your disapproval (it has to be clearly understood by the bigot, for this to work) makes a real difference.

For it to really be effective, we need everyone to be doing it. If every bigot out there always caught shade every time they said some bigoted thing, they would stop doing it. So spread the word.

Use this simple tool to tap into millions of years of evolutionary social training.

Racism? Dude, not cool.
Misogyny? Dude, not cool.
Homophobia? Dude, not cool.

It works. It's low-risk (please don't use it if it feels dangerous to do so, though). It can change the world.

Another option that I've found that works, albeit slightly more confrontational: "Why would you say that?/Was that necessary?" using the kindergarten teacher-/mom-tone works. The disapproval is made clear, and it makes the person have to defend what they've said. Once you make clear that you not only disagree with the bigotry, but expect them to explain why they think it's okay to act like that in a way that makes clear they won't be changing your mind on it, it shuts them down.

It may not always work (just like "dude, not cool" can have the inevitable "you're being too sensitive" outcome), but it's another powerful way to tell someone that their bullshit isn't welcome around you, and that you won't be putting up with it. I've had it work for me numerous times, not every time, but a majority of the time. ("What is wrong with you?" is a personal favorite but a confrontational one that I recognize isn't for everyone. I'm comfortable with that but I know not everyone is able to do that.)