Every bank is like “we’re more than just a bank” and all anyone wants is for them to shut the fuck up and be a bank

[cassandra_complex@beige.party]

@Daojoan
Normal people: Could you just staff your branches and phone lines with real people again instead?

[cpkimber@scicomm.xyz]

@Daojoan there’s a laundromat near my house called “More than a laundromat”, but it really is simply a laundromat. It makes me chuckle to think about.

Like, c’mon laundromat it’s really ok, just be yourself no one said you have to be anything else.

[sjjh@hachyderm.io]

@Daojoan See also mobile network providers and smartphones and laptops

[rk@mastodon.well.com]

@Daojoan

At First National Bank, you’re more than just a number. You’re three numbers, followed by a dash, and then six more numbers.

[electric_gumball@mastodon.social]

@Daojoan
Walks into bank.
Can I have some new tyres please?
Yes sir, is there anything else we can help with?
I'd like a chicken burger too thanks.
Voiceover:
Bastard bank, more than just a bank.

[jaryl@ruby.social]

@Daojoan where I'm from the banks were insinuating that they were more reliable than a spouse, and a replacement for mum's cooking. Can't make this shit up.

[eldersea@expressional.social]

@Daojoan
Now do browsers and ai.

[gray17@mastodon.social]

@Daojoan this is why I signed up for my bank's "you like surveys don't you?" list. every few months I get asked a bunch of inane questions about the wording for a hypothetical credit card offer, and most of my responses are like, "geez I don't care about any of this weird micro-optimization that feels like it's trying to trick me in some way. this would go straight to spam in 0.5 seconds if I weren't looking at it for this survey"

[midnitemikewrites@zirk.us]

@bigiain @Daojoan This is a post about everything that shareholders touch.

[su_liam@mas.to]

@MidniteMikeWrites @bigiain @Daojoan From the hands of stockholders to you…

[su_liam@mas.to]

@gray17 @Daojoan They wound up using every single one of them, didn’t they?

[duncan_bayne@mastodon.bsd.cafe]

@Daojoan Not just a bank, but a savings bank. Backed 100%* by a well-diversified range of commodities.

* Appreciate that's not always entirely possible, watching e.g. the price of gold plummeting just recently.

[marcjones@scholar.social]

@Daojoan on a visit to the UK last year (1st time in 17 years) I tried to pay old bank notes into an account.
"I'm sorry, but we're a no cash branch."
Sorry, is handling money not the core business of banks? If I only wanted to be scolded for not living within my means or not making savvy investments, I would live with my parents. (Edited for rogue punctuation.)

[baa@mk.absturztau.be]

@Daojoan@mastodon.social just store my damn money, forever, and pay it to whoever the fuck I want exactly when I tell you to

[jesstheunstill@infosec.exchange]

@electric_gumball @Daojoan That's just a walmart

[aperture@snug.moe]

@Daojoan legitimately thats why i love my bank, i dont have to fucking think about them, sometimes they send me an email or something but they . just. are a place my money is

-carrie

[aperture@snug.moe]

@Daojoan i had gone like years not really giving them any thought until i recently realized this and its been like. a huge plus to me ksdgnsjgsdg

-carrie

[theorangetheme@en.osm.town]

@cpkimber @Daojoan Ngl slap a few coin-operated pinball machines in there and you could double your money, easy.

[isol@mastodon.au]

@Daojoan

I'm wondering if Macquarie Bank (Australia) still thinks the constant bombardment of ads about how they're going all-in on AI in everything, is a good idea?

#MacquarieBank #aislop

[carabruar@sfba.social]

@Daojoan all I want is an account. They keep offering me 'products'.