Every bank is like “we’re more than just a bank” and all anyone wants is for them to shut the fuck up and be a bank

[electric_gumball@mastodon.social]

@Daojoan
Walks into bank.
Can I have some new tyres please?
Yes sir, is there anything else we can help with?
I'd like a chicken burger too thanks.
Voiceover:
Bastard bank, more than just a bank.

[jaryl@ruby.social]

@Daojoan where I'm from the banks were insinuating that they were more reliable than a spouse, and a replacement for mum's cooking. Can't make this shit up.

[eldersea@expressional.social]

@Daojoan
Now do browsers and ai.

[gray17@mastodon.social]

@Daojoan this is why I signed up for my bank's "you like surveys don't you?" list. every few months I get asked a bunch of inane questions about the wording for a hypothetical credit card offer, and most of my responses are like, "geez I don't care about any of this weird micro-optimization that feels like it's trying to trick me in some way. this would go straight to spam in 0.5 seconds if I weren't looking at it for this survey"

[midnitemikewrites@zirk.us]

@bigiain @Daojoan This is a post about everything that shareholders touch.

[su_liam@mas.to]

@MidniteMikeWrites @bigiain @Daojoan From the hands of stockholders to you…

[su_liam@mas.to]

@gray17 @Daojoan They wound up using every single one of them, didn’t they?

[duncan_bayne@mastodon.bsd.cafe]

@Daojoan Not just a bank, but a savings bank. Backed 100%* by a well-diversified range of commodities.

* Appreciate that's not always entirely possible, watching e.g. the price of gold plummeting just recently.

[marcjones@scholar.social]

@Daojoan on a visit to the UK last year (1st time in 17 years) I tried to pay old bank notes into an account.
"I'm sorry, but we're a no cash branch."
Sorry, is handling money not the core business of banks? If I only wanted to be scolded for not living within my means or not making savvy investments, I would live with my parents. (Edited for rogue punctuation.)

[baa@mk.absturztau.be]

@Daojoan@mastodon.social just store my damn money, forever, and pay it to whoever the fuck I want exactly when I tell you to

[jesstheunstill@infosec.exchange]

@electric_gumball @Daojoan That's just a walmart

[aperture@snug.moe]

@Daojoan legitimately thats why i love my bank, i dont have to fucking think about them, sometimes they send me an email or something but they . just. are a place my money is

-carrie

[aperture@snug.moe]

@Daojoan i had gone like years not really giving them any thought until i recently realized this and its been like. a huge plus to me ksdgnsjgsdg

-carrie

[theorangetheme@en.osm.town]

@cpkimber @Daojoan Ngl slap a few coin-operated pinball machines in there and you could double your money, easy.

[isol@mastodon.au]

@Daojoan

I'm wondering if Macquarie Bank (Australia) still thinks the constant bombardment of ads about how they're going all-in on AI in everything, is a good idea?

#MacquarieBank #aislop

[carabruar@sfba.social]

@Daojoan all I want is an account. They keep offering me 'products'.

[hunterz@mastodon.sdf.org]

@Daojoan this but web browsers.

[flipper@mastodonapp.uk]

@Daojoan I guess they know, deep down, that being a bank is just not a sufficient reason to exist

[deinol@dice.camp]

@Cassandra_Complex @Daojoan

Humans are expensive and make mistakes. We have to replace them when they make too many mistakes.

Artificial Plagiarism bots are expensive and make mistakes. We have to throw more money at them when they make mistakes.

Capitalism!

[cpkimber@scicomm.xyz]

@theorangetheme @Daojoan That's brilliant