This morning my 4yo went to daycare wearing his spiderman pyjamas and, on top them, his favourite orange 'spinning dress' and some pants that I've mended with a colourful love-heart patch on the knee (at his request).
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I think a lot about bell hooks writing that the first act of violence society demands of men is to cut out their own softness:
"The first act of violence that patriarchy demands of males is not violence toward women. Instead patriarchy demands of all males that they engage in acts of psychic self-mutilation, that they kill off the emotional parts of themselves. If an individual is not successful in emotionally crippling himself, he can count on patriarchal men to enact rituals of power that will assault his self-esteem. "
@scroeser thank you for posting that quote. Having a six-year old it's always good to be reminded of that
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This morning my 4yo went to daycare wearing his spiderman pyjamas and, on top them, his favourite orange 'spinning dress' and some pants that I've mended with a colourful love-heart patch on the knee (at his request).
He's getting to the age where other kids tell him he shouldn't be wearing dresses, or make it awkward.
He asked me "are boys allowed to wear dresses?" and I told him, "well, some people say boys shouldn't wear dresses, but that's ridiculous! Do you know people used to say that girls shouldn't wear pants? How silly! Anyone can wear anything!"
He's asked me to tell him that several times again
@scroeser My brother had a similar conversation with his six year old son. His son was told by other boys that it is uncool to play with girls. This really bothered him, because one of his closest friends is a girl. We’re in the 21fst century and still have a lot of work to do…
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@jessta So far I haven't had any adults say it. It's all been little kids commenting on his clothes.
I wonder if this is like the situation with racism, where 'nice' progressive families who don't talk about race end up with more racist kids - because kids still see the racism within society, and if you don't actively talk about it they make assumptions ("this is how the world is, it must be for good reason").
Perhaps many parents just don't talk to their kids actively about gender roles, and that ends up with kids noticing "oh, I don't see boys wearing dresses, that must be for good reason".
@scroeser
I really think you got a valid point here. We have to actively educate for peace, tolerance etc. And we can be good examples. Since I have made similar experiences concerning pink or sparkly as unmanly, I often wear pink, bought sparkly shoes and borrow glitter makeup, if available. It’s kind of silly, but it gets noticed
@jessta -
J jwcph@helvede.net shared this topic
