It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
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@bielsubob I slapped a goose once for biting my knee while I was just sitting on a park bench eating crackers.
I really love the image of the goose pecking at Alice, and then they just slap the goose upside the face and it looks confused and offended.
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@alice counterpoint: elephants.
@alice on the other hand, in support of your point: crows. Crows are too fucking smart, hold a grudge, and will fuck you up if you have wronged them.
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It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
Humans? Legendary assholes.
Dolphins? Assholes.
Cats are notorious for being jerks.Dogs, ducks, geese, seagulls, crows...all have dickish individuals.
What're some species that would be least likely to solve a crossword puzzle, but still produce a significant percentage of assholes?
Like are there any shrimp out there that are just little fuckers?
@alice I don't know how intelligent they are, but yellowjackets are massive pricks, and they will chase you down if you so much as brush by their nest.
Oh, and brown recluses are straight-up hellspawn which leave necrotic bites, as in, if you get bit by a brown recluse, your skin can literally rot away around the bite area if not immediately treated by a medical professional.
Fuck brown recluses, they can go right back to the pit of hell they crawled out from.
On a happier note, jumping spiders are adorable though as are bumblebees and a lot of native bee species.
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It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
Humans? Legendary assholes.
Dolphins? Assholes.
Cats are notorious for being jerks.Dogs, ducks, geese, seagulls, crows...all have dickish individuals.
What're some species that would be least likely to solve a crossword puzzle, but still produce a significant percentage of assholes?
Like are there any shrimp out there that are just little fuckers?
@alice Otters. Adorable, squeaky agents of chaos. And total dickheads.
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One summer while I was wearing shorts, I had a big hornet fly over, bite into the side of my thigh and then proceed to sting me like half a dozen times for no apparent reason.
I feel like hornets, wasps, and yellow jackets are all pretty much raging assholes.
@alice actually, I found hornets to be very relaxed and social compared to wasps. Couple years ago we had a wounded birch tree in the front yard and it was bleeding sap. Hornets liked that and there were always about a 10 to 20 hornets, big they were, at the wound sucking up the sap. The tree was close to the sidewalk and for weeks the hornets were active. No one got stinged. We watched the from close proximity, they completely ignored us.
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One summer while I was wearing shorts, I had a big hornet fly over, bite into the side of my thigh and then proceed to sting me like half a dozen times for no apparent reason.
I feel like hornets, wasps, and yellow jackets are all pretty much raging assholes.
@alice Nazis and facists. They are raging assholes.
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@alice @jqmcd I actually feel like spiders are pretty cool. Like, they eat other animals, but that's just surviving as a predator. They don't go out of their way to be cruel, and when they hurt humans, it's usually our fault.
I say this despite having moderate arachnophobia. I appreciate them...just abstractly and from a distance and oh god oh god don't come any closer!!!
@JoscelynTransient @alice Spiders are awesome, I love ‘em. But they can keep coming at you, like little assholes…
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It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
Humans? Legendary assholes.
Dolphins? Assholes.
Cats are notorious for being jerks.Dogs, ducks, geese, seagulls, crows...all have dickish individuals.
What're some species that would be least likely to solve a crossword puzzle, but still produce a significant percentage of assholes?
Like are there any shrimp out there that are just little fuckers?
I know octopi can roll up a tentacle and then rapidly unroll it to punch passing fish.
Apparently not hunting behaviour. Possibly just being intelligent dicks.
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@alice strange that you had that happen with a hornet
At least for me I encountered hornets as rather chill and very helpful to keep wasps away (they know they're the big kid on the block and don't need to proof it like their smaller cousins 
)
Maybe it's a difference in specific subspecies? My experience is based on the European HornetWe have a plum tree that attracts wasps and hornets and we had no trouble at all so far. But maybe the plums make them peaceful so that they don't mind any humans around. (And also Europe.)
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It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
Humans? Legendary assholes.
Dolphins? Assholes.
Cats are notorious for being jerks.Dogs, ducks, geese, seagulls, crows...all have dickish individuals.
What're some species that would be least likely to solve a crossword puzzle, but still produce a significant percentage of assholes?
Like are there any shrimp out there that are just little fuckers?
@alice
Little fuckers:Killer shrimp are named because of their aggressive feeding habits; they consume large amounts of aquatic insect larva and food that native fish rely on. They also kill large amounts of organisms but don’t actually consume them.
From:
https://www.invasivespeciescentre.ca/invasive-species/meet-the-species/fish-and-invertebrates/killer-shrimp/ -
@alice Canadian geeseholes have to be top 5.
(video source unknown)
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It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
Humans? Legendary assholes.
Dolphins? Assholes.
Cats are notorious for being jerks.Dogs, ducks, geese, seagulls, crows...all have dickish individuals.
What're some species that would be least likely to solve a crossword puzzle, but still produce a significant percentage of assholes?
Like are there any shrimp out there that are just little fuckers?
@alice@lgbtqia.space I really respect our wasp friends, they have no patience with anything. But once I had a waspnest in a shed I was doing some sawing in and they where flying back and forth over my head without bothering all day.
And at least the hornets up here are known for not being very aggressive, but the size are really scary.
They kill and eat a lot of pests such as flies and larvae so be nice to them and avoid them. Hang a brown paper bag where you don't want them to nest.
However, when the nest is finished for the summer the workers are "let go" and starts seeking out sugars to get high and drunk for the last time and then they become a real pest (before that they are more focused on protein for their own larva) -
It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
Humans? Legendary assholes.
Dolphins? Assholes.
Cats are notorious for being jerks.Dogs, ducks, geese, seagulls, crows...all have dickish individuals.
What're some species that would be least likely to solve a crossword puzzle, but still produce a significant percentage of assholes?
Like are there any shrimp out there that are just little fuckers?
@alice Otters, don't search what they do unless you want to end traumatized
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@alice Canadian geeseholes have to be top 5.
(video source unknown)
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@alice oh wait, is this not a post about how humans have pretty butts?
@river "legendary asshole"
"Thanks, I take a lot of stairs"
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@alice It takes a brain to be an asshole.
I mean, no one calls a lion an asshole for killing a zebra. That's just survival. A lion doesn't know how to be an asshole.
I think you're absolutely right, but the same animals have the capacity to be selfless and caring.
@minego lions are related to cats, they total know how to be assholes
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It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
Humans? Legendary assholes.
Dolphins? Assholes.
Cats are notorious for being jerks.Dogs, ducks, geese, seagulls, crows...all have dickish individuals.
What're some species that would be least likely to solve a crossword puzzle, but still produce a significant percentage of assholes?
Like are there any shrimp out there that are just little fuckers?
@alice peacock mantis shrimp can be a real asshole as fat as I know
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I really love the image of the goose pecking at Alice, and then they just slap the goose upside the face and it looks confused and offended.
@JoscelynTransient that is exactly what happened. It chomped me, I reflexively slapped it, we both looked shocked, then started yelling at each other until the goose fucked off into the water.
The ducks were all like "WTF was that about??"
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It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
Humans? Legendary assholes.
Dolphins? Assholes.
Cats are notorious for being jerks.Dogs, ducks, geese, seagulls, crows...all have dickish individuals.
What're some species that would be least likely to solve a crossword puzzle, but still produce a significant percentage of assholes?
Like are there any shrimp out there that are just little fuckers?
@alice@lgbtqia.space The answer here is simple; cats. They are all, as a family (Felidae) assholes. Every single one of them. Sure, they're cute, but they are murderous and want nothing more than to bother you, eat you, or remove things from your counter.
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@alice Funny you ask this. We have two Guinea Pigs. They're sisters. Both cute as heck and dumb as rocks. But one is a real jerk. Bullies her sister, nips at fingers, steals food.
The bonus fact is - it used to be the other way around. When they were young the other sister was the jerk. One aged into a sweetheart & the other into a crotchety grump.
So attitude is fluid among #GuineaPigs apparently.
(Photo is Kaysah - the nice one.)
@syntaxseed @alice awww! I consider gunea pigs the peak of evolution (besides my dog). A perfect organism. There's not a single evil cell in their bodies. They are pure goodness.
Until they aren't, apparently
