It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
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@alice Geese would probably land high on the asshole list.
@bielsubob I slapped a goose once for biting my knee while I was just sitting on a park bench eating crackers.
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@IanAMartin @alice I'm told that steers can be dicks when they get enough calories.
Feed 'em grass, or let them graze, and they are typically low in calories and chill except when threatened. Feed them grain, and they get a lot more spicy.
My coworker used to raise 2 or 3 steers every year for meat. He said the last few weeks before slaughter when he switched them to all-grain diet was his least favorite time of year.
@grumble209 TBF, probably their least favorite time of year too
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It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
Humans? Legendary assholes.
Dolphins? Assholes.
Cats are notorious for being jerks.Dogs, ducks, geese, seagulls, crows...all have dickish individuals.
What're some species that would be least likely to solve a crossword puzzle, but still produce a significant percentage of assholes?
Like are there any shrimp out there that are just little fuckers?
@alice From the videos I've seen on youtube, mantis shrimp.
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@roknrol as someone who has a lot of crow acquaintances, some are serious dicks.
There's one my girlfriend and I dubbed "Notch" on account of him missing a couple feathers on either side. He knows we feed all the crows on our walk, but if we're not fast enough for him he'll swoop by and tag my head with the tip of his wing—sometimes two or three times like "where're the goods, kibble fairy?"
@alice He's not shitting on you?
I mean, with limited ways to communicate with those big stupid humans that seems downright polite.
Forget to feed your cat or your kid for an hour and see if you just get a love tap
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It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
Humans? Legendary assholes.
Dolphins? Assholes.
Cats are notorious for being jerks.Dogs, ducks, geese, seagulls, crows...all have dickish individuals.
What're some species that would be least likely to solve a crossword puzzle, but still produce a significant percentage of assholes?
Like are there any shrimp out there that are just little fuckers?
@alice Presented for your consideration: hummingbirds.
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@alice He's not shitting on you?
I mean, with limited ways to communicate with those big stupid humans that seems downright polite.
Forget to feed your cat or your kid for an hour and see if you just get a love tap
@roknrol he does it while I'm actively feeding them—just not fast enough for his taste.
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It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
Humans? Legendary assholes.
Dolphins? Assholes.
Cats are notorious for being jerks.Dogs, ducks, geese, seagulls, crows...all have dickish individuals.
What're some species that would be least likely to solve a crossword puzzle, but still produce a significant percentage of assholes?
Like are there any shrimp out there that are just little fuckers?
@alice@lgbtqia.space Depending on how you look at it, Spotted Lanternflies and Marmorated Stinkbugs are both major assholes but have zero chance of solving any crosswords (or even a word search)
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One summer while I was wearing shorts, I had a big hornet fly over, bite into the side of my thigh and then proceed to sting me like half a dozen times for no apparent reason.
I feel like hornets, wasps, and yellow jackets are all pretty much raging assholes.
@alice I was going to say it's proportional to language skills, because the better a species gets at communicating, the more they can piss each other off.
But yellow jackets and hornets might be an exception, they don't dance like bees so they? Or however the hive coordinates things counts?
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It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
Humans? Legendary assholes.
Dolphins? Assholes.
Cats are notorious for being jerks.Dogs, ducks, geese, seagulls, crows...all have dickish individuals.
What're some species that would be least likely to solve a crossword puzzle, but still produce a significant percentage of assholes?
Like are there any shrimp out there that are just little fuckers?
@alice anti-point: octopi are smart and chill. no jerkish behaviour. just clever & devious.
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@roknrol has anyone seen an octopus troll another animal?
Never mind, https://futurism.com/the-byte/spiteful-octopuses-punch-fish-angry
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@pewnack @alice YMMV. This has worked for me:
1. Get up immediately!
2. Turn on a lamp close to a wall.
3. LEAVE THE ROOM, closing the door on your way out.
4. WAIT. At least 15 minutes. More is better.
5. Grab a flyswatter.
6. Re-enter the room, closing the door behind you. (So mosquito remains contained.)
7. Approach the lamp.
8. SWAT the mosquito, which should be basking in warmth from the lamp on a) wall, or b) lampshade.If you miss, or don’t see mosquito, repeat steps 3–8. Good luck!
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@alice@lgbtqia.space Depending on how you look at it, Spotted Lanternflies and Marmorated Stinkbugs are both major assholes but have zero chance of solving any crosswords (or even a word search)
@rosaaeterna what makes those two jerks?
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@pewnack @alice FWIW, True story: Using this method, waaay back in high school, I chose to catch two mosquitos (I’d thought there was only ONE in my bedroom!) using an empty jar w/ lid. Next day, I took them into my science class. The teacher asked, “What do you call them?” I answered “Son-of-a-Bitch and Bastard!” which cracked everybody up. Once order was restored, the teacher said, “The correct answer is… Female. Male mosquitoes don’t bite.”
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@alice anti-point: octopi are smart and chill. no jerkish behaviour. just clever & devious.
@Meznor they punch fish for no apparent reason.
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@grumble209 TBF, probably their least favorite time of year too
️@alice @IanAMartin my friend hated those steers so much that he'd name them after politicians.
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@Unixbigot but are they jerks, or just hunty-punchy bugs?
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@Meznor they punch fish for no apparent reason.
@alice maybe they’re nazi fish. ever thought of that?!? NAZI FISH DESERVE PUNCHING.
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It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
Humans? Legendary assholes.
Dolphins? Assholes.
Cats are notorious for being jerks.Dogs, ducks, geese, seagulls, crows...all have dickish individuals.
What're some species that would be least likely to solve a crossword puzzle, but still produce a significant percentage of assholes?
Like are there any shrimp out there that are just little fuckers?
At the moment, my money is on the Orcas. They'rte having so much fun.
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@rosaaeterna what makes those two jerks?
@alice@lgbtqia.space Well for one, they're both maaaajor invasive agricultural pests. They have no natural predators in the US, and they both love eating up trees and crops. Spotted lanternflies are estimated to be causing hundreds of millions of dollars in agricultural and forestry damages in Pennsylvania alone. Marmorated stink bugs cause even more agricultural damage, although they don't tend to hurt the trees themselves so much compared to the lanternflies.
Lanternflies are also annoying as hell to deal with because they can jump pretty far distances, making them hard to quickly kill. Marmorated stink bugs breed like mad, love to invade homes, and as their names would suggest they have a potent odor as a self-defense mechanism that they love to use on you if they feel like it. -
It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.
Humans? Legendary assholes.
Dolphins? Assholes.
Cats are notorious for being jerks.Dogs, ducks, geese, seagulls, crows...all have dickish individuals.
What're some species that would be least likely to solve a crossword puzzle, but still produce a significant percentage of assholes?
Like are there any shrimp out there that are just little fuckers?
@alice The male of any species for which people use the the word “rut”?
