@faithisleaping yeah, i think i misread your point at first. i was assuming various dating preferences (which don't have to necessarily be sexual, anything can technically be a preference) but the behavior of being attracted to someone and then being upset when they find out they're trans definitely isn't all right.

that being said i still think that not everyone who doesn't want to date trans people is transphobic; if someone said they don't want to date people with tattoos and that it's a dealbreaker for them i wouldn't consider it something that makes it necessary to isolate from that person. if someone doesn't treat foreigners as inferior but at the same time wouldn't want to date a foreigner, i'd not consider that xenophobia but purely a dating preference that could be a dealbreaker. in that same way i'd consider wanting to date a cis person a preference.

in such a scenario i'd be more interested in finding out why this hypothetical guy doesn't want to date trans people. if it's one of the "excuse" reasons you mentioned then that's transphobic but there's a subset of people who simply aren't attracted. those aren't being upset after seeing trans people on the internet though, so we might be imagining a different kind of person maybe.

@faithisleaping genuinely asking, how is that transphobic? you can't control who you are and aren't attracted to and telling people who they are and aren't allowed to date doesn't tend to end well, and i believe no one's entitled to a relationship if the other person isn't willing.