At infants school if you didn't know the spelling you went to the teacher with your spell notebook and asked them to spell the word for you. I am still mortified at the memory of me asking her how to spell I. The letter I.

I despise my partner's entitled, freeloading, workshy, rude, ignorant, and poorly disciplined 18 year old son. In instances where I deem his behaviour to have not been dealt with correctly, I mete out my own summary justice by cleaning my arse with his toothbrush.

I feel sorry for kids growing up in properly insulated homes, they'll never know the joy of drawing a track in window condensation then sending a big drop of water down it.

I have Scottish blood on my maternal side. I was always proud of this fact until the other day, when my mum told me true Scots make porridge with water and salt instead of milk and sugar. Fucking savages.

I live in Wales and today received my Join Us letter from Reform UK, complete with SAE which I posted back to them, immediately, empty. If every other person in Wales did this, Reform would spend over £1.5 million on postage. Not sorry. Join me Cymru.

14 years old in the early 00s and downloading games off Usenet. Shitty dialup took weeks to get anything and someone offered to send a CD. It still shocks me that a stack of CDs turned up at my house and I'm not the subject of a murder documentary.

Join us for Fesshole Live! Tickets are on sale now for Leicester, Luton and Leeds. We’re also heading to Sweden – Malmö, Göteborg and Stockholm – plus Anon Opin shows in Leicester. https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole