I hope John Roberts can't watch the NFL playoff games today because he has explosive diarrhea.
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@mycotropic Today's is for you, friend.
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Last night #IHopeJohnRoberts had an erotic dream about Justice Amy Coney Barrett and look we're all grownups here it's normal to have erotic dreams and honestly she is an attractive woman and anyway all law students quickly learn that an Undergrad 6 is a Lawyer 9, so he wakes up this morning not at all ashamed and it adds a small, slightly erotic, but not at all creepy frisson of amusement to his previously-scheduled conference with her later this morning, until he suddenly and vividly remembers that part of the dream was her fully dressed in a leather catsuit while he was naked except for wearing his own wife's brassiere and Barrett kept demanding that he worship her feet and that he had really enjoyed that part, so the rest of his meeting with her feels a little awkward.
After reading Trump's lawyers' latest brief trying to avoid paying the E. Jean Carroll judgment on the ground that sexual slanders uttered while president are "official acts" and therefore immune under the decision Roberts himself wrote, #IHopeJohnRoberts can't fall asleep tonight because he realizes that the blowjobs Bill Clinton received from Monica Lewinski arguably were constitutionally protected because they occurred just outside the Oval Office.
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After reading Trump's lawyers' latest brief trying to avoid paying the E. Jean Carroll judgment on the ground that sexual slanders uttered while president are "official acts" and therefore immune under the decision Roberts himself wrote, #IHopeJohnRoberts can't fall asleep tonight because he realizes that the blowjobs Bill Clinton received from Monica Lewinski arguably were constitutionally protected because they occurred just outside the Oval Office.
#IHopeJohnRoberts realizes today that Mitch McConnell's probably never gonna pay him back the $3 he borrowed to buy lunch back in 1984.
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#IHopeJohnRoberts realizes today that Mitch McConnell's probably never gonna pay him back the $3 he borrowed to buy lunch back in 1984.
@msbellows it was going to be $10 with inflation so it hurts just a little more
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#IHopeJohnRoberts realizes today that Mitch McConnell's probably never gonna pay him back the $3 he borrowed to buy lunch back in 1984.
I woke up today feeling a bit lost and depressed and unmotivated, so #IHopeJohnRoberts woke up today feeling a whole lot lost and depressed and unmotivated.
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I woke up today feeling a bit lost and depressed and unmotivated, so #IHopeJohnRoberts woke up today feeling a whole lot lost and depressed and unmotivated.
@msbellows Ask yourself, does Mitch twitch?
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I woke up today feeling a bit lost and depressed and unmotivated, so #IHopeJohnRoberts woke up today feeling a whole lot lost and depressed and unmotivated.
Today #IHopeJohnRoberts is sad about Firefighter Johnny Gage dying, just like I am. #Emergency #KMG365
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/randolph-mantooth-played-medic-nbcs-emergency-dies-80-rcna404688 -
Today #IHopeJohnRoberts is sad about Firefighter Johnny Gage dying, just like I am. #Emergency #KMG365
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/randolph-mantooth-played-medic-nbcs-emergency-dies-80-rcna404688Today #IHopeJohnRoberts is remembering that when he was first nominated to the Supreme Court Lindsey Graham called him "solid" and predicted he would "interpret the law and not legislate from the bench," and even though he wasn't good friends with Graham or anything he still feels bad because he knows neither of those things has turned out to be true.
https://www.lgraham.senate.gov/public/index.cfm/2005/7/post-93f179bf-2d8b-400d-9fe8-33e7a456071b -
Today #IHopeJohnRoberts is remembering that when he was first nominated to the Supreme Court Lindsey Graham called him "solid" and predicted he would "interpret the law and not legislate from the bench," and even though he wasn't good friends with Graham or anything he still feels bad because he knows neither of those things has turned out to be true.
https://www.lgraham.senate.gov/public/index.cfm/2005/7/post-93f179bf-2d8b-400d-9fe8-33e7a456071b#IHopeJohnRoberts is feeling lost today because the Court officially is in recess and most of the justices and their staff are away on vacations and he had some plans to spend a week on Martha's Vineyard with his wife but she hasn't communicated with him at all for, what, a couple of months now? and he considered just going to Martha's Vineyard by himself but that would be lonely and besides, she's the one who made the reservations and he has no idea how to even access them and also he's a little worried about getting Dershowitzed by the locals.
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#IHopeJohnRoberts is feeling lost today because the Court officially is in recess and most of the justices and their staff are away on vacations and he had some plans to spend a week on Martha's Vineyard with his wife but she hasn't communicated with him at all for, what, a couple of months now? and he considered just going to Martha's Vineyard by himself but that would be lonely and besides, she's the one who made the reservations and he has no idea how to even access them and also he's a little worried about getting Dershowitzed by the locals.
#IHopeJohnRoberts is heavily invested in Oracle. https://medium.com/@fahey_james/oracle-just-got-downgraded-and-openai-is-the-reason-why-4c1841fae011
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#IHopeJohnRoberts is heavily invested in Oracle. https://medium.com/@fahey_james/oracle-just-got-downgraded-and-openai-is-the-reason-why-4c1841fae011
Today #IHopeJohnRoberts has a meeting with Elena Kagan and Amy Coney Barrett to debrief their House testimony yesterday about Court security, and he tells them he's really grateful they're advocating for more security and asks whether any of the congresscritters commented on his recent experiences with something leaving dead, crushed rats on his doorstep, or him being detained on a mental health hold in a locked psychiatric facility over the 4th of July weekend without anyone on the Court staff noticing, or about about Alito and Thomas and Kavanaugh threatening him on behalf of a satanic Federalist cult apparently run by Leonard Leo, and as the two women sit there in absolutely stunned silence he remembers that he hasn't actually told anyone about any of these things and so they couldn't have shared them with Congress or gotten him any more security but now they do know and he wonders what will happen to him next, and he decides that since the Court is on summer recess anyway it's probably a really really good time to just get the fuck out of Dodge, and he stands up while they're still sitting there, leaves the building, and goes home before they can call anyone else to get involved.
https://rollcall.com/2026/07/14/supreme-court-justices-emphasize-need-for-security-funding -
Today #IHopeJohnRoberts has a meeting with Elena Kagan and Amy Coney Barrett to debrief their House testimony yesterday about Court security, and he tells them he's really grateful they're advocating for more security and asks whether any of the congresscritters commented on his recent experiences with something leaving dead, crushed rats on his doorstep, or him being detained on a mental health hold in a locked psychiatric facility over the 4th of July weekend without anyone on the Court staff noticing, or about about Alito and Thomas and Kavanaugh threatening him on behalf of a satanic Federalist cult apparently run by Leonard Leo, and as the two women sit there in absolutely stunned silence he remembers that he hasn't actually told anyone about any of these things and so they couldn't have shared them with Congress or gotten him any more security but now they do know and he wonders what will happen to him next, and he decides that since the Court is on summer recess anyway it's probably a really really good time to just get the fuck out of Dodge, and he stands up while they're still sitting there, leaves the building, and goes home before they can call anyone else to get involved.
https://rollcall.com/2026/07/14/supreme-court-justices-emphasize-need-for-security-fundingThis morning when he woke up #IHopeJohnRoberts realized Kagan and Barrett had squealed on him because his phone had 79 messages from people expressing concern, and when he looked out his bedroom window to see what kind of day it was he noticed several black Explorers parked down the block with men in dark glasses inside them, and so he just threw some clothes, a picture of his family, and the emergency cash they kept in a fake soup can into a duffle bag, pulled the brim of his favorite Bohemian Grove ballcap low over his face, and slipped out his back door and across his neighbor's yard, beginning his summer vacation earlier than planned but with a jolt of adrenaline and uncertainty that actually made him feel happy for the first time in quite a while.
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This morning when he woke up #IHopeJohnRoberts realized Kagan and Barrett had squealed on him because his phone had 79 messages from people expressing concern, and when he looked out his bedroom window to see what kind of day it was he noticed several black Explorers parked down the block with men in dark glasses inside them, and so he just threw some clothes, a picture of his family, and the emergency cash they kept in a fake soup can into a duffle bag, pulled the brim of his favorite Bohemian Grove ballcap low over his face, and slipped out his back door and across his neighbor's yard, beginning his summer vacation earlier than planned but with a jolt of adrenaline and uncertainty that actually made him feel happy for the first time in quite a while.
This morning when he awoke on a sprung mattress in the 7th and K Street rent-by-the-hour motel room he paid cash for last night, #IHopeJohnRoberts retained yesterday's sense of giggly excitement at his unexpected escape from expectations, and that after disingenuously texting his assistant that he was taking the vacation his wife had scheduled to Martha's Vineyard, he then stepped without concern over the crushed dead rat someone or something had left on the threshold of his motel room, smashed his phone under his heel, dropped it in an outdoor waste can on top of the empty malt liquor bottles and used condoms and syringes, and, toting his duffel and wearing his Bohemian Grove ballcap, walked cheerfully, whistling, in the direction of the bus station, stopping at a used bookstore along the way for a slightly dog-eared paperback copy of Kerouac's "On the Road."
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This morning when he awoke on a sprung mattress in the 7th and K Street rent-by-the-hour motel room he paid cash for last night, #IHopeJohnRoberts retained yesterday's sense of giggly excitement at his unexpected escape from expectations, and that after disingenuously texting his assistant that he was taking the vacation his wife had scheduled to Martha's Vineyard, he then stepped without concern over the crushed dead rat someone or something had left on the threshold of his motel room, smashed his phone under his heel, dropped it in an outdoor waste can on top of the empty malt liquor bottles and used condoms and syringes, and, toting his duffel and wearing his Bohemian Grove ballcap, walked cheerfully, whistling, in the direction of the bus station, stopping at a used bookstore along the way for a slightly dog-eared paperback copy of Kerouac's "On the Road."
When he got to Union Station, #IHopeJohnRoberts understood that the best way for him not to be recognized or tracked was to travel by bus, so he found his way to the Greyhound/FlixBus area and bought a ticket for cash on the first bus to someplace reasonably far away, which is how he finds himself en route to Portland, Maine in a surprisingly comfortable seat next to a talkative, sprightly, older woman who immediately launches into a hilarious, hourslong explanation of the drama in her church and large family circle, all in some Eastern European language he does not understand.
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When he got to Union Station, #IHopeJohnRoberts understood that the best way for him not to be recognized or tracked was to travel by bus, so he found his way to the Greyhound/FlixBus area and bought a ticket for cash on the first bus to someplace reasonably far away, which is how he finds himself en route to Portland, Maine in a surprisingly comfortable seat next to a talkative, sprightly, older woman who immediately launches into a hilarious, hourslong explanation of the drama in her church and large family circle, all in some Eastern European language he does not understand.
#IHopeJohnRoberts falls into a pleasant sleep in his surprisingly comfy Greyhound bus seat, finally just letting all his anxieties fall away for a blissful while, and so doesn't notice that his bus to Portland isn't passing through Baltimore and Wilmington and then New York, but rather Frederick and Cumberland and Morgantown. #PWM #PDX
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#IHopeJohnRoberts falls into a pleasant sleep in his surprisingly comfy Greyhound bus seat, finally just letting all his anxieties fall away for a blissful while, and so doesn't notice that his bus to Portland isn't passing through Baltimore and Wilmington and then New York, but rather Frederick and Cumberland and Morgantown. #PWM #PDX
@msbellows on his way to oregon?
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@msbellows on his way to oregon?
@Dougfir I mean, he thought he was going to Maine, but...
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@Dougfir I mean, he thought he was going to Maine, but...
@msbellows
I'm biased but he will have a nice time out west. -
@msbellows
I'm biased but he will have a nice time out west.@Dougfir He'll have an interesting time, anyway. I'm looking forward to moving him around my hometown.
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#IHopeJohnRoberts falls into a pleasant sleep in his surprisingly comfy Greyhound bus seat, finally just letting all his anxieties fall away for a blissful while, and so doesn't notice that his bus to Portland isn't passing through Baltimore and Wilmington and then New York, but rather Frederick and Cumberland and Morgantown. #PWM #PDX
When his Greyhound bus finally stops somewhere long enough for a meal, #IHopeJohnRoberts is mildly puzzled because he doesn't remember there being a town called Columbus between D.C. and Portland, Maine, but ofc there are lots of Columbuses and he's so engrossed in his book (Kerouac's "On the Road") that he thinks no more about it and keeps his nose buried in his paperback while scarfing his hamburger and then gets back on the bus and continues reading as it speeds him on towards Indianapolis.
