It's not that I'm not angry.
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It's not that I'm not angry. I am white-hot angry.
It's that, if we let rage define us, we lose.
Rage slips so quickly to hatred. Hatred slips so quickly to violence. If I let it define me, I let myself turn in to one of them. They're *big* on rage, *big* on hatred, *big* on violence.
We can be angry and kind at the same time. It was James Baldwin who taught me that, arguably the greatest lesson I've ever learned, and certainly one of my finest social and intellectual mentors.
Last night, a probable chatbot almost sea-lion-ly disagreed with me. I asked a couple of questions, and then I wished it a good night and kissed it up to heaven.
But when I woke up this morning, some other person had been sucked in to the thread in attack-dog mode, and they'd said the most rage and hate-filled things to this probable bot.
And I felt bad for him. Not the bot, the person enticed into hatred. I felt bad for the person, cuz it seemed like hatred had won in their case.
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Last night, a probable chatbot almost sea-lion-ly disagreed with me. I asked a couple of questions, and then I wished it a good night and kissed it up to heaven.
But when I woke up this morning, some other person had been sucked in to the thread in attack-dog mode, and they'd said the most rage and hate-filled things to this probable bot.
And I felt bad for him. Not the bot, the person enticed into hatred. I felt bad for the person, cuz it seemed like hatred had won in their case.
I'm a person, not a saint, I done dipped my toes into hatred here and there, and sometimes I still do. Sometimes even up around my ankles.
I just don't think picking up the enemy's favorite weapon is gonna be the right answer.
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I'm a person, not a saint, I done dipped my toes into hatred here and there, and sometimes I still do. Sometimes even up around my ankles.
I just don't think picking up the enemy's favorite weapon is gonna be the right answer.
Do I *know* what the right answer is?
Mmmmm, no. And also yes.
Like, I don't have a destination, but I have a direction.
And it isn't towards more rage, more hatred, or more violence.
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I'm a person, not a saint, I done dipped my toes into hatred here and there, and sometimes I still do. Sometimes even up around my ankles.
I just don't think picking up the enemy's favorite weapon is gonna be the right answer.
Good on you. I explain to my kids that anyone trying to scare you or make you angry is trying to manipulate you. people are easier to manipulate when they are emotional.
There is so much of that going on in social media. It is also a scam artist technique. We need more literacy about when to step back and ask some questions.
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Good on you. I explain to my kids that anyone trying to scare you or make you angry is trying to manipulate you. people are easier to manipulate when they are emotional.
There is so much of that going on in social media. It is also a scam artist technique. We need more literacy about when to step back and ask some questions.
@davesomebody Agree with all of that except the word "emotional". That makes it sound like it's about being "rational", or "objective". I don't believe either of those two words identify any kind of stable or reasonable definition. And I am not rational, or objective, because it is not possible to be both human and "rational" or "objective".
I believe it has more to do with the ideal of being "calm", and also "self-forgiving", and also "self-accepting". And yes, emotionally so.
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@davesomebody Agree with all of that except the word "emotional". That makes it sound like it's about being "rational", or "objective". I don't believe either of those two words identify any kind of stable or reasonable definition. And I am not rational, or objective, because it is not possible to be both human and "rational" or "objective".
I believe it has more to do with the ideal of being "calm", and also "self-forgiving", and also "self-accepting". And yes, emotionally so.
Perhaps the word "mindful" is appropriate? Don't just feel or act but interrogate why you are feeling and acting? You aren't trying to rationalize; you are trying to understand.
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Perhaps the word "mindful" is appropriate? Don't just feel or act but interrogate why you are feeling and acting? You aren't trying to rationalize; you are trying to understand.
@jrdepriest @davesomebody "Mindful" is good, and certainly, some mindfulness training seems like a boon.
But again, and I'm not picking on you here, but on us, is "interrogating" the right word? It seems to suggest, again, a self-as-rationalist-thinker idea.
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@davesomebody Agree with all of that except the word "emotional". That makes it sound like it's about being "rational", or "objective". I don't believe either of those two words identify any kind of stable or reasonable definition. And I am not rational, or objective, because it is not possible to be both human and "rational" or "objective".
I believe it has more to do with the ideal of being "calm", and also "self-forgiving", and also "self-accepting". And yes, emotionally so.
@GeePawHill I think my work has given me a disproportionate amount of practice experiencing despair in the depths of my brain while my public self is functioning rationally and logically.
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@GeePawHill I think my work has given me a disproportionate amount of practice experiencing despair in the depths of my brain while my public self is functioning rationally and logically.
@davesomebody I don't know what "rationally" means. I do know what "logically" means, and logic is just not up to the task of carrying human behavior.
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@jrdepriest @davesomebody "Mindful" is good, and certainly, some mindfulness training seems like a boon.
But again, and I'm not picking on you here, but on us, is "interrogating" the right word? It seems to suggest, again, a self-as-rationalist-thinker idea.
Not really. For me, it is an internal conversation where I tell myself to slow down and take a second to get my bearings and understand what led me to this thought or action. I can realize that I made a mistake, or that I'm being manipulated. I can see the bigger picture and tell myself what I'm about to do will actually make things worse and make me feel worse. I can convince myself to step back and cool off. I can remember other times when I didn't and times when I did and try to slide toward the one that's a better fit for right now. It's not "rationality" so much as taking a step back, like putting my own calming hand on my shoulder.
Edit: to me, "rational" implies analysis and a single correct action. This is not that. It is an internal conversation.
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Not really. For me, it is an internal conversation where I tell myself to slow down and take a second to get my bearings and understand what led me to this thought or action. I can realize that I made a mistake, or that I'm being manipulated. I can see the bigger picture and tell myself what I'm about to do will actually make things worse and make me feel worse. I can convince myself to step back and cool off. I can remember other times when I didn't and times when I did and try to slide toward the one that's a better fit for right now. It's not "rationality" so much as taking a step back, like putting my own calming hand on my shoulder.
Edit: to me, "rational" implies analysis and a single correct action. This is not that. It is an internal conversation.
@jrdepriest @davesomebody So, the words intervene, I think.
What if we said "sensing" instead of "interrogating"?
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@jrdepriest @davesomebody So, the words intervene, I think.
What if we said "sensing" instead of "interrogating"?
@jrdepriest @davesomebody Dave & JR, I thank you both for the exchange. I'mo go drink some more, and most likely go quiet in this thread. But I appreciate you both, just the same.
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@davesomebody I don't know what "rationally" means. I do know what "logically" means, and logic is just not up to the task of carrying human behavior.
@GeePawHill I think both of those involve setting human behavior aside while evaluating what to do next. I have frequent occurrences at my work where I think someone will win a prize if I crack.
The only path forward most days is to weaponize patience. Don't take the doubts personally. Don't worry about the wasted time. If this is how they want to waste their money then great.
I have stories. I'm afraid someone would recognize if I told any of them
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@jrdepriest @davesomebody Dave & JR, I thank you both for the exchange. I'mo go drink some more, and most likely go quiet in this thread. But I appreciate you both, just the same.
@GeePawHill @jrdepriest I'm already drinking.
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@GeePawHill @jrdepriest I'm already drinking.
I don't drink so y'all have an extra round / shot / beer / etc for me.
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I don't drink so y'all have an extra round / shot / beer / etc for me.
@jrdepriest @davesomebody On it.
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I don't drink so y'all have an extra round / shot / beer / etc for me.
@jrdepriest @GeePawHill if you insist!
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It's not that I'm not angry. I am white-hot angry.
It's that, if we let rage define us, we lose.
Rage slips so quickly to hatred. Hatred slips so quickly to violence. If I let it define me, I let myself turn in to one of them. They're *big* on rage, *big* on hatred, *big* on violence.
We can be angry and kind at the same time. It was James Baldwin who taught me that, arguably the greatest lesson I've ever learned, and certainly one of my finest social and intellectual mentors.
@GeePawHill This is one of the reasons why I am glad I'm a woman and was socialised as such. I have rage that's comparable to many men, but I wasn't given a free pass to turn to violence to express it.
And I know it was socialisation because I was a violent child. I just didn't direct it towards living beings. I just fucked up furniture instead.
Now, I fuck up my keyboard and smartphone screen.
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@GeePawHill This is one of the reasons why I am glad I'm a woman and was socialised as such. I have rage that's comparable to many men, but I wasn't given a free pass to turn to violence to express it.
And I know it was socialisation because I was a violent child. I just didn't direct it towards living beings. I just fucked up furniture instead.
Now, I fuck up my keyboard and smartphone screen.
@GeePawHill But still not specifically towards anyone, because the anger is mine. Not anyone elses.
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Do I *know* what the right answer is?
Mmmmm, no. And also yes.
Like, I don't have a destination, but I have a direction.
And it isn't towards more rage, more hatred, or more violence.
@GeePawHill I’ve also been thinking so much about anger. It holds such a strange place in our society, at once seen as inherently negative but also for so many the only allowable emotion.
This is yet another area where I feel like having kids has really been clarifying. We tell our kids, your emotions are your trusted advisors. They tell you very important things about what’s going on and what you need. But you still get to decide what to do. (The “you” remains somewhat vague…)
Anger tells us we’ve been wronged. That’s so important. So what to we do when that’s the case?
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