Someone announced in our class last week that men don't cry and for the first time in my life, I publicly hit back and said, "I do".
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Someone announced in our class last week that men don't cry and for the first time in my life, I publicly hit back and said, "I do". Many in the class were shocked and didn't believe me, so I explained how I've always cried. When I was young, it was secretly but as an adult, I cry when emotion overwhelms me. I don't see it as a sign of weakness anymore. I think it's a sign of strength to accept what your body needs to do and I feel much better afterwards.
@sjpurrs
Me, too! -
@sjpurrs When I was a little autistic "boy" I was always shamed for crying and compared to a baby by the staff at school and the "care" facilities. Weirdly enough they didn't explicitly make it about gender, only age, but I'm 99% sure they wouldn't have made nearly as big of a deal about my crying if I had been a cis girl.
They never bothered to actually teach me how "big boys" handle negative emotions outside of punishing me when I did it wrong, so I copied the behavior from some other autistic kids in the facility (which is also inherently biased towards the kinds of behaviors that are obvious from the outside…) and became aggressive and angry during meltdowns instead of crying, which only made everything worse for me and got me sent away to multiple boarding schools where I was abused to the point of still getting nightmares more than a decade later.@LunaDragofelis I'm so sorry to hear about your story. Boys are often just left with anger as the only negative emotion they can use when a good cry would do a much better job of releasing all the stress and frustration.
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@sjpurrs my father was a US Army veteran and he cried when he felt sad. It didn't embarrass him. Why would it?
@FaithinBones Exactly! Why would it and why should it? I wish my dad had been like your dad rather than reverting to anger.
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@sjpurrs I cried watching ET. And Steel Magnolias (1989). I cried when my father died. I got all choked up accepting an award. I cry watching touching reunion videos.
@VisualStuart ET is the perfect crying movie. When he lifts his finger and points to home, it just cracks me every time. All your crying moments are similar to mine and I think for all humans, to cry in these situations is a healthy emotional response.
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@FaithinBones Exactly! Why would it and why should it? I wish my dad had been like your dad rather than reverting to anger.
@sjpurrs my Dad had a temper but he did his best to control it. He had empathy and compassion and he loved his family. He was a terrific father
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Someone announced in our class last week that men don't cry and for the first time in my life, I publicly hit back and said, "I do". Many in the class were shocked and didn't believe me, so I explained how I've always cried. When I was young, it was secretly but as an adult, I cry when emotion overwhelms me. I don't see it as a sign of weakness anymore. I think it's a sign of strength to accept what your body needs to do and I feel much better afterwards.
@sjpurrs "Men don't cry" is right up there with "men don't get enough fiber in their diets." In general, probably true, but turning problems inward to self-destructive effect doesn't really work as a point of pride or identity...
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@sjpurrs "Men don't cry" is right up there with "men don't get enough fiber in their diets." In general, probably true, but turning problems inward to self-destructive effect doesn't really work as a point of pride or identity...
@jcolag
That's so true. Holding emotions in can be extremely "self-destructive". -
@sjpurrs my Dad had a temper but he did his best to control it. He had empathy and compassion and he loved his family. He was a terrific father
@FaithinBones He sounds like a wonderful dad and man. If more men had empathy and compassion, the world would be a much better place.
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@FaithinBones He sounds like a wonderful dad and man. If more men had empathy and compassion, the world would be a much better place.
@sjpurrs I agree
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@sjpurrs When I was a little autistic "boy" I was always shamed for crying and compared to a baby by the staff at school and the "care" facilities. Weirdly enough they didn't explicitly make it about gender, only age, but I'm 99% sure they wouldn't have made nearly as big of a deal about my crying if I had been a cis girl.
They never bothered to actually teach me how "big boys" handle negative emotions outside of punishing me when I did it wrong, so I copied the behavior from some other autistic kids in the facility (which is also inherently biased towards the kinds of behaviors that are obvious from the outside…) and became aggressive and angry during meltdowns instead of crying, which only made everything worse for me and got me sent away to multiple boarding schools where I was abused to the point of still getting nightmares more than a decade later. -
Someone announced in our class last week that men don't cry and for the first time in my life, I publicly hit back and said, "I do". Many in the class were shocked and didn't believe me, so I explained how I've always cried. When I was young, it was secretly but as an adult, I cry when emotion overwhelms me. I don't see it as a sign of weakness anymore. I think it's a sign of strength to accept what your body needs to do and I feel much better afterwards.
@sjpurrs good on ya.
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@Susan60 They sound like very healthy men.
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Someone announced in our class last week that men don't cry and for the first time in my life, I publicly hit back and said, "I do". Many in the class were shocked and didn't believe me, so I explained how I've always cried. When I was young, it was secretly but as an adult, I cry when emotion overwhelms me. I don't see it as a sign of weakness anymore. I think it's a sign of strength to accept what your body needs to do and I feel much better afterwards.
@sjpurrs I surprised myself a few days ago, by crying while reading 'Wind in the Willows' to my Grandson. I was 'doing the voices' when Mole returns to the home he abandoned. I mostly cry at things designed to upset children :-). People have suggested I never grew up.
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@sjpurrs I surprised myself a few days ago, by crying while reading 'Wind in the Willows' to my Grandson. I was 'doing the voices' when Mole returns to the home he abandoned. I mostly cry at things designed to upset children :-). People have suggested I never grew up.
@woo I understand completely. Many well-written children's stories have characters that are easy to fall in love with, so anything that happens to these characters can be upsetting. Also, I'm envious of you never growing up. Now that I'm old, I'm really questioning what 'growing up' even means, especially with emotions.
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Someone announced in our class last week that men don't cry and for the first time in my life, I publicly hit back and said, "I do". Many in the class were shocked and didn't believe me, so I explained how I've always cried. When I was young, it was secretly but as an adult, I cry when emotion overwhelms me. I don't see it as a sign of weakness anymore. I think it's a sign of strength to accept what your body needs to do and I feel much better afterwards.
@sjpurrs my husband cries.
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@sjpurrs my husband cries.
@pussreboots It's good he's in touch with his emotions.
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@pussreboots It's good he's in touch with his emotions.
@sjpurrs I wouldn’t have married him if he weren’t.
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@megatronicthronbanks @sjpurrs
I believe it is. .. but I'm a woman so of course I am biased.
btw... being raised to believe crying is shameful is not experienced by only men.
@TrueNorthSpice @megatronicthronbanks @sjpurrs
I had a friend who told me, "We [she and her husband] tease both our son and daughter about crying. So we're being equal, right?"
Re the effect on men, I think often about Brené Brown and how a man, after one of her talks on shame, told her, "You have to look into shaming of men, because my wife and daughters would rather see me dead than see me express vulnerabilty."
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Someone announced in our class last week that men don't cry and for the first time in my life, I publicly hit back and said, "I do". Many in the class were shocked and didn't believe me, so I explained how I've always cried. When I was young, it was secretly but as an adult, I cry when emotion overwhelms me. I don't see it as a sign of weakness anymore. I think it's a sign of strength to accept what your body needs to do and I feel much better afterwards.
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Someone announced in our class last week that men don't cry and for the first time in my life, I publicly hit back and said, "I do". Many in the class were shocked and didn't believe me, so I explained how I've always cried. When I was young, it was secretly but as an adult, I cry when emotion overwhelms me. I don't see it as a sign of weakness anymore. I think it's a sign of strength to accept what your body needs to do and I feel much better afterwards.
If you just get angry reading the news you are missing much of the important part of the story.
I cry, damn right I do.
