It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.

[alice@lgbtqia.space]

@apontious totally true.

@MrBirch

[mrbirch@beige.party]

@apontious @alice Oh yeah. We’ve had hummingbird feeder for a long time. There’s plenty of nectar to go around but the birds are super territorial and will chase others off. Real aerial combat.

[alice@lgbtqia.space]

@catsalad so you're saying it was negging me?

[silvermoon82@wandering.shop]

@DukeDuke @alice
Oh! This is the extended cut!
The first time I saw this GIF, it ended with the goose still inside the car. Bad day for all involved.

[irenetherogue@beige.party]

@alice "least likely to solve a crossword puzzle" sounds like slugs, sponges, and if im very honest, lionfishes

Edit: tho upon reflection the only one of those that id describe as "jerk who would never solve a crossword" is the lionfish

[catsalad@infosec.exchange]

@alice I mean, they are little assholes, so it fits

[ronjeffries@mastodon.social]

@alice
Interesting theory, Alice, very interesting theory.

[smutty_tiefling@spookygirl.boo]

@SymTrkl @alice octopodes are indeed assholes.
They love to break out of aquarium tanks in order to eat their neighbours

[paul_ipv6@infosec.exchange]

@alice

one summer, i was swimming in the Y pool and my hand came up under a dead yellow jacket that i didn't see in time. even dead the stinger embedded in the back of my hand and had to be pulled out with tweezers. i still have a scar.

hornets/wasps/yellow jackets are *SO* assholes, even dead.

[catmisgivings@stranger.social]

@alice I heard mantis shrimp are jerks

[rotopenguin@mastodon.social]

@alice they're just hate given physical form.

[jelgato@mastodon.world]

@silvermoon82 @DukeDuke @alice

Kind of disappointed it didn't end with the humans being ejected and then the goose driving off and then, I dunno, running for Congress and then pulling a Fetterman?

[flipper@mastodonapp.uk]

@alice can confirm that about dolphins.

[ghostsarespooky@infosec.exchange]

@alice @apontious @MrBirch red rufous especially, they even have resting asshole face

resting ass-face? dunno, they're dicks

[kitkat_blue@mastodon.social]

@alice

Whales seems pretty chill...and smart! They may not do crosswords, but there's a decent chance they do their version of poetry, philosophy, and opera!

[symtrkl@anarres.family]

@Smutty_Tiefling hot take, cage-breaking is not an asshole behavior. eating neighbors maybe, but predators gonna prey on-
okay this is the wrong week for me to talk about this
@alice

[alexthesortofok@hachyderm.io]

@alice are elephants a counter example? I don't recall ever hearing of an elephant being a jerk.

[nazokiyoubinbou@urusai.social]

@alice You're 100% correct. They are absolute jerks and they have nothing better to do with their existence than to, well, be jerks.

Multiple times I've had wasps just land on me and hang out, waiting for me to think they're gone and I'm safe. Once I was halfway up some stairs, so kind of stuck in a pretty uncomfortable position. Each time they just patiently wait for me to make a movement of some kind so they can pretend it's my fault that they're stinging me.

Oh, and once I had one where I assume I got too close to its nest, but it just followed me all the way across an entire yard, stinging over and over. Like, I got the freaking point, move on!

If that isn't the very definition of a jerk I sure don't know what is.

I think they enjoy stinging people. I really do.

[drwho@masto.hackers.town]

@alice All three of those insect species are assholes.

[denofearth@mas.to]

@kitkat_blue @alice
Came here for this! Read all the way down all the comments to this last one!

I'm afraid I have to "aktchually" and narrow that down to _baleen_ whales who are probably all chill because they just go around eating plankton and singing to their pod mates.

_Tooth_ whales on the other hand, like orca, hunt in packs and will totally mess up seals. Also yachts apparently.