Cis girls shouldn't date transphobic guys, either.

[faithisleaping@anarres.family]

@MeloGem NO worries! It's a weird corner-case of fedi UI to be sure. I always get confused for a second when it happens to me, too.

@LordCaramac @MelissaBearTrix

[leeloo@c.im]

@faithisleaping @LordCaramac @MeloGem @MelissaBearTrix
I've used Moshidon for a couple of years and have never seen that feature.

[melissabeartrix@gives.hugz.online]

@faithisleaping @LordCaramac @MeloGem

Blame me ... I have no idea what I am doing ... Giggles

If I need to change something let me know

Hugz

Hugz & xXx

[melogem@peculiar.florist]

@MelissaBearTrix @faithisleaping @LordCaramac

you're sweet, no it doesn't seem to be on you, thanks!

[lordcaramac@discordian.social]

@leeloo @faithisleaping @MeloGem @MelissaBearTrix It's in the main settings, it was activated for some reason.

[leeloo@c.im]

@LordCaramac @faithisleaping @MeloGem @MelissaBearTrix
Ah, the "automatically mention ... reblogged" option?

[arh@blackstar.cafe]

@faithisleaping genuinely asking, how is that transphobic? you can't control who you are and aren't attracted to and telling people who they are and aren't allowed to date doesn't tend to end well, and i believe no one's entitled to a relationship if the other person isn't willing.

[faithisleaping@anarres.family]

@arh When you dissect, "I wouldn't date a trans girl", what does it actually mean?

You like short girls? Okay, fine. Yeah, lots of us are tall. You don't have to be into that. But so are most cis girls who made the basketball team. You find high, sing-songy voices attractive? Okay, that's fine. You don't have to be attracted to Margot Robbie. You want your sexual partner to have a vagina? Okay, that's fine. Lots of trans girls have those, too. And, no, there isn't a massive difference that will make sex worse for the guy.

Or maybe you want to have biological kids and don't want to adopt or use a surrogate? Okay, valid. But also, lots of cis girls can't or don't want to have kids and most don't actually know if they'll have problems until you try. You can go into the relationship hoping for that but that's no guarantee. So regardless of how you go into the relationship, you had better be prepared for the possibility that that dream doesn't come true.

So if you actually take something like that and break it down to actual dating preferences that actually affect the hypothetical guy, none of them are actually a cis/trans distinction. The reality is that dating a trans girl is just like dating any other girl.

But, really, what most people mean when they say that is "I find trans people disgusting" and that's just transphobia.

[faithisleaping@anarres.family]

@arh And a huge amount of the panic we see online from these guys is because they find a cute girl on the internet that are attracted to and then find out she's trans and have a meltdown over it. If they weren't attracted, they'd just scroll on by.

[arh@blackstar.cafe]

@faithisleaping yeah, i think i misread your point at first. i was assuming various dating preferences (which don't have to necessarily be sexual, anything can technically be a preference) but the behavior of being attracted to someone and then being upset when they find out they're trans definitely isn't all right.

that being said i still think that not everyone who doesn't want to date trans people is transphobic; if someone said they don't want to date people with tattoos and that it's a dealbreaker for them i wouldn't consider it something that makes it necessary to isolate from that person. if someone doesn't treat foreigners as inferior but at the same time wouldn't want to date a foreigner, i'd not consider that xenophobia but purely a dating preference that could be a dealbreaker. in that same way i'd consider wanting to date a cis person a preference.

in such a scenario i'd be more interested in finding out why this hypothetical guy doesn't want to date trans people. if it's one of the "excuse" reasons you mentioned then that's transphobic but there's a subset of people who simply aren't attracted. those aren't being upset after seeing trans people on the internet though, so we might be imagining a different kind of person maybe.