I hope John Roberts can't watch the NFL playoff games today because he has explosive diarrhea.
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Today I hope John Roberts doesn't get to say "Happy Mother's Day" to his wife because last night both of their adult children called to announce that in light of his decisions making the president immune from responsibility for crimes and then gutting the Civil Rights Act, not to mention his very public drunk driving arrest (see above), they are so ashamed they can't bear to even be in the same house as him, so last night she spent the night with one of them and then this morning they're all having a fancy brunch then going antiquing without him. #IHopeJohnRoberts
Today I hope John Roberts has really bad heartburn and is even regurgitating a little stomach acid into his throat but he can't find any regular antacids so he takes a big gulp of Milk of Magnesia from the old bottle in the hall closet, forgetting that magnesium gives him the trots. #IHopeJohnRoberts
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Today I hope John Roberts has really bad heartburn and is even regurgitating a little stomach acid into his throat but he can't find any regular antacids so he takes a big gulp of Milk of Magnesia from the old bottle in the hall closet, forgetting that magnesium gives him the trots. #IHopeJohnRoberts
Today #IHopeJohnRoberts doesn't realize his wife's little dog threw up in his slippers until it's too late.
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Today #IHopeJohnRoberts doesn't realize his wife's little dog threw up in his slippers until it's too late.
Today #IHopeJohnRoberts notices that his morning OJ has a sort of metallic taste, and then later feels like something's off somehow as he chews a slice of apple, and probes his teeth with his tongue but can't feel anything different, but the metallic taste persists and by the end of the day he realizes one of his old amalgam fillings has cracked and now he can even feel the little edge with his tongue.
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Today #IHopeJohnRoberts notices that his morning OJ has a sort of metallic taste, and then later feels like something's off somehow as he chews a slice of apple, and probes his teeth with his tongue but can't feel anything different, but the metallic taste persists and by the end of the day he realizes one of his old amalgam fillings has cracked and now he can even feel the little edge with his tongue.
Two words: crotch rot. #IHopeJohnRoberts
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Two words: crotch rot. #IHopeJohnRoberts
Last night #IHopeJohnRoberts got up in the middle of the night to urinate (because: prostate), and he didn't want to wake up his wife so he just left the bathroom light off and aimed at the toilet, except (as sometimes happens with enlarged prostates) the flow hadn't completely finished flowing when it felt like it had and so as he started to tuck his unit (that's what his dad taught him to call it as a boy) away he felt about half an ounce of pee trickle down his thigh inside his pajama leg, so (again blindly) had to sort of blot himself off with toilet paper and then wash his hands in the dark and then when he finally crawled back into bed he remembered his wife has been sleeping in the guest bedroom lately (and hasn't even told him why), so there was no reason to leave the light off in the first place.
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Last night #IHopeJohnRoberts got up in the middle of the night to urinate (because: prostate), and he didn't want to wake up his wife so he just left the bathroom light off and aimed at the toilet, except (as sometimes happens with enlarged prostates) the flow hadn't completely finished flowing when it felt like it had and so as he started to tuck his unit (that's what his dad taught him to call it as a boy) away he felt about half an ounce of pee trickle down his thigh inside his pajama leg, so (again blindly) had to sort of blot himself off with toilet paper and then wash his hands in the dark and then when he finally crawled back into bed he remembered his wife has been sleeping in the guest bedroom lately (and hasn't even told him why), so there was no reason to leave the light off in the first place.
This morning #IHopeJohnRoberts was alone in bed remembering the lazy romantic beautiful lovemaking he and his wife used to do on Saturday mornings but that they've stopped doing because even though she's conservative she refuses to sleep with (let alone fuck) an outright fascist, and just remembering how it used to be turns him on, and he decides to masturbate, but he suffers an older-male-style equipment malfunction no matter how much lotion he uses, and ofc she's not there to do that very private thing with her pinky that usually solves that problem like magic, so he has to go through the rest of the day not only lonely and sad but also horny and frustrated.
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@david I'm not saying.* Whether John Roberts enjoys it when his wife slips a digit into his rectum is their marital secret
and I respect their privacy.*(*100% absolutely that's exactly what it is, but he would be mortified if, for example, Clarence Thomas or Leonard Leo knew.)
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This morning #IHopeJohnRoberts was alone in bed remembering the lazy romantic beautiful lovemaking he and his wife used to do on Saturday mornings but that they've stopped doing because even though she's conservative she refuses to sleep with (let alone fuck) an outright fascist, and just remembering how it used to be turns him on, and he decides to masturbate, but he suffers an older-male-style equipment malfunction no matter how much lotion he uses, and ofc she's not there to do that very private thing with her pinky that usually solves that problem like magic, so he has to go through the rest of the day not only lonely and sad but also horny and frustrated.
Today #IHopeJohnRoberts' tinea cruris flares up again, and so severely that it even oozes a little.
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Today #IHopeJohnRoberts' tinea cruris flares up again, and so severely that it even oozes a little.
Today #IHopeJohnRoberts develops heat rash and his skin feels itchy and stingy all day and the starch he has them put in his shirts isn't helping.
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@jandi No, I was just imagining that stiff shirts might make the heat rash worse (and implying that Roberts is the kind of straight who would have heavy starch in his shirts). On the other hand, one of the benefits of a starched shirt is that it keeps the cloth from clinging to you as much, which can help keep you cooler. Wish I had a better answer!
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@jandi ¡Igualmente, por supuesto! And I hope she feels better. I think I've heard that cornstarch sprinkled on skin is soothing, but I would do some research first.
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Today #IHopeJohnRoberts develops heat rash and his skin feels itchy and stingy all day and the starch he has them put in his shirts isn't helping.
Today I hope John Roberts went to the doctor for his oozing crotch fungus and painfully itchy, eruptive heat rash and also because his seasonal allergies are starting up again, and the doctor prescribed a couple different creams and also a cortisone injection that felt like boiling acid was injected into his arm muscle because that's how cortisone injections feel, and then he had to sit in the waiting room for 15 minutes to make sure he didn't have an allergic reaction to a medicine designed to block allergies, and the whole 15 minutes another patient in a Make America Healthy Again t-shirt coughed constantly while unmasked, and even after he left and got to work his arm still hurt. #IHopeJohnRoberts
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@darth_hideout Oh, crud, I didn't realize that! I was wondering why they weren't getting more traction! Thank you very much for figuring it out.
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Today I hope John Roberts went to the doctor for his oozing crotch fungus and painfully itchy, eruptive heat rash and also because his seasonal allergies are starting up again, and the doctor prescribed a couple different creams and also a cortisone injection that felt like boiling acid was injected into his arm muscle because that's how cortisone injections feel, and then he had to sit in the waiting room for 15 minutes to make sure he didn't have an allergic reaction to a medicine designed to block allergies, and the whole 15 minutes another patient in a Make America Healthy Again t-shirt coughed constantly while unmasked, and even after he left and got to work his arm still hurt. #IHopeJohnRoberts
[Repost] Today I hope John Roberts went to the doctor for his oozing crotch fungus and painfully itchy, eruptive heat rash and also because his seasonal allergies are starting up again, and the doctor prescribed a couple different creams and also a cortisone injection that felt like boiling acid was injected into his arm muscle because that's how cortisone injections feel, and then he had to sit in the waiting room for 15 minutes to make sure he didn't have an allergic reaction to a medicine designed to block allergies, and the whole 15 minutes another patient in a Make America Healthy Again t-shirt coughed constantly while unmasked, and even after he left and got to work his arm still hurt. #IHopeJohnRoberts
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@ShiitakeToast Niiiice.
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[Repost] Today I hope John Roberts went to the doctor for his oozing crotch fungus and painfully itchy, eruptive heat rash and also because his seasonal allergies are starting up again, and the doctor prescribed a couple different creams and also a cortisone injection that felt like boiling acid was injected into his arm muscle because that's how cortisone injections feel, and then he had to sit in the waiting room for 15 minutes to make sure he didn't have an allergic reaction to a medicine designed to block allergies, and the whole 15 minutes another patient in a Make America Healthy Again t-shirt coughed constantly while unmasked, and even after he left and got to work his arm still hurt. #IHopeJohnRoberts
Every day since January 25th I have posted a new, creative curse against U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts. I thought they were pretty funny, and wondered why this thread wasn't getting more traction. Yesterday a nice person pointed out that the privacy settings were set to semi-private, so most people haven't seen any of that work. If you're interested, please just scroll up. Today's post – PUBLIC! – will follow shortly. #IHopeJohnRoberts.]
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Every day since January 25th I have posted a new, creative curse against U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts. I thought they were pretty funny, and wondered why this thread wasn't getting more traction. Yesterday a nice person pointed out that the privacy settings were set to semi-private, so most people haven't seen any of that work. If you're interested, please just scroll up. Today's post – PUBLIC! – will follow shortly. #IHopeJohnRoberts.]
Today #IHopeJohnRoberts is taking public transportation to work because his license is still suspended following his drunk driving arrest during the Grok debacle earlier this month and when he asked his wife for a ride she just bared her teeth and snarled, but the trains in D.C. have been slowed to half speed today because of the unusual heat caused by climate change so he arrived at the court building sweaty and late and all the justices had to reschedule their morning conference and are salty about it.
https://flipboard.social/@newsguyusa/116603267171298098 -
Every day since January 25th I have posted a new, creative curse against U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts. I thought they were pretty funny, and wondered why this thread wasn't getting more traction. Yesterday a nice person pointed out that the privacy settings were set to semi-private, so most people haven't seen any of that work. If you're interested, please just scroll up. Today's post – PUBLIC! – will follow shortly. #IHopeJohnRoberts.]
This thread should be available in hardcover at the local book store. Or maybe as a calendar. :^)
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This thread should be available in hardcover at the local book store. Or maybe as a calendar. :^)
@icastico Aw, thanks! (I love the calendar idea!)
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Today #IHopeJohnRoberts is taking public transportation to work because his license is still suspended following his drunk driving arrest during the Grok debacle earlier this month and when he asked his wife for a ride she just bared her teeth and snarled, but the trains in D.C. have been slowed to half speed today because of the unusual heat caused by climate change so he arrived at the court building sweaty and late and all the justices had to reschedule their morning conference and are salty about it.
https://flipboard.social/@newsguyusa/116603267171298098Today #IHopeJohnRoberts finally gets over his embarrassment enough to inform the US Marshals Service (which handles Supreme Court security) that his driver's license has been suspended and of course they rally like the professionals they are and immediately arrange to have a marshal drive him to and from work which they've been offering to do for security for years anyway, and he's fine with this because he likes a lot of the marshals he's seen around the Court especially the one who believe it or not sort of looks like Tommy Lee Jones and also that girl one who reminds him of Jennifer Garner, but when it's time for him to get his ride home this evening it turns out his regular driver will be the youngest marshal on the Court's detail, who still has some residual acne and a weird voice and whom Roberts thinks has a weirdly ethnic-smelling body odor for a white kid.
