I hope John Roberts can't watch the NFL playoff games today because he has explosive diarrhea.
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#IHopeJohnRoberts now is completely crossfaded on vodka and weed and so is the topless woman next to him who incidentally is the same one that aroused him so much when he saw her earlier in another guy's room with clothespins on her nipples and his new hobo friend is doing something complicated to the other woman on the hotel room's tipped-forward cuck chair and did I mention that the Chief Justice is completely crossfaded and also please remember it's been a very long time since his wife left so I believe we should politely draw a curtain across the sordid scene for now.
For now.
#IHopeJohnRoberts had a lovely very drunk and very high time with the woman who is not his wife and that she did that thing to him that his wife only would do on his birthday, and when he gathered his inebriated courage and asked if he could also do the thing to her that *no* lover had ever let him do before, she replied laughingly, "that's the only way I *can* do it, honey!", and then afterwards when they both had to go pee they played that kids' game where they crossed swords, and then went back to bed.
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#IHopeJohnRoberts had a lovely very drunk and very high time with the woman who is not his wife and that she did that thing to him that his wife only would do on his birthday, and when he gathered his inebriated courage and asked if he could also do the thing to her that *no* lover had ever let him do before, she replied laughingly, "that's the only way I *can* do it, honey!", and then afterwards when they both had to go pee they played that kids' game where they crossed swords, and then went back to bed.
When he wakes up this morning after his stoned, passionate night with a woman who wasn't his wife, #IHopeJohnRoberts isn't too hung over and feels contented, not guilty, because she was so sweet and pretty and generous and creative in bed that he will remember it forever as the peak erotic experience of his life, and his only ambivalence is that he isn't sure whether that's in spite of her having a penis or because of it.
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When he wakes up this morning after his stoned, passionate night with a woman who wasn't his wife, #IHopeJohnRoberts isn't too hung over and feels contented, not guilty, because she was so sweet and pretty and generous and creative in bed that he will remember it forever as the peak erotic experience of his life, and his only ambivalence is that he isn't sure whether that's in spite of her having a penis or because of it.
#IHopeJohnRoberts then falls back asleep, having not even opened his eyes, and then really truly awakens a couple hours later, and oh okay *there's* that hangover, ow, and he stumbles to the bathroom and pukes and rinses his mouth, and looks at himself numbly in the mirror and remembers more about last night, and oh yeah *there's* that religious guilt and conservative transphobia, and now he wants to throw up again, even before he realizes that everyone's gone and he's alone in the room and his new hobo friend has taken some of his clothes and most of his money (from his wallet and under his mattress, leaving only the stash hidden under the dirty towel in the closet), and oh my god his head hurts so badly and also his heart and also he suddenly has the trots.
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#IHopeJohnRoberts then falls back asleep, having not even opened his eyes, and then really truly awakens a couple hours later, and oh okay *there's* that hangover, ow, and he stumbles to the bathroom and pukes and rinses his mouth, and looks at himself numbly in the mirror and remembers more about last night, and oh yeah *there's* that religious guilt and conservative transphobia, and now he wants to throw up again, even before he realizes that everyone's gone and he's alone in the room and his new hobo friend has taken some of his clothes and most of his money (from his wallet and under his mattress, leaving only the stash hidden under the dirty towel in the closet), and oh my god his head hurts so badly and also his heart and also he suddenly has the trots.
#IHopeJohnRoberts still is hung over and struggling with moral ambivalence and also keeps remembering the thing with the clothespins that he thought he'd use on her but that she actually used on him.
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#IHopeJohnRoberts still is hung over and struggling with moral ambivalence and also keeps remembering the thing with the clothespins that he thought he'd use on her but that she actually used on him.
#IHopeJohnRoberts decides that instead of continuing to lie in his motel room bed having a hungover moral crisis, he should go out and find some oatmeal or something soothing like that for breakfast, but when he opens the door he startles at the dead rat lying on the doorstep and stumbles and falls to one knee, skinning it badly and tearing his last remaining pair of pants, so he goes back inside and curls up on the bed again, blood from his knee staining the dirty sheets in a slowly widening circle.
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#IHopeJohnRoberts decides that instead of continuing to lie in his motel room bed having a hungover moral crisis, he should go out and find some oatmeal or something soothing like that for breakfast, but when he opens the door he startles at the dead rat lying on the doorstep and stumbles and falls to one knee, skinning it badly and tearing his last remaining pair of pants, so he goes back inside and curls up on the bed again, blood from his knee staining the dirty sheets in a slowly widening circle.
@msbellows It quickly gets infected, but he doesn't immediately notice because itchy bedbug bites distract him.
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#IHopeJohnRoberts decides that instead of continuing to lie in his motel room bed having a hungover moral crisis, he should go out and find some oatmeal or something soothing like that for breakfast, but when he opens the door he startles at the dead rat lying on the doorstep and stumbles and falls to one knee, skinning it badly and tearing his last remaining pair of pants, so he goes back inside and curls up on the bed again, blood from his knee staining the dirty sheets in a slowly widening circle.
@msbellows
I hope he has a spare pair of pants but they're hemmed a little strangely and there's a small patch by one of the pockets that has become felted by his phone and keys rubbing against it, and even though nobody else notices he's really self conscious about it all day long. -
@msbellows
I hope he has a spare pair of pants but they're hemmed a little strangely and there's a small patch by one of the pockets that has become felted by his phone and keys rubbing against it, and even though nobody else notices he's really self conscious about it all day long.@HG That would be nice for him, but he's not that lucky. His new hobo friend took all the others, as well as his favorite old Harvard Law sweatshirt.
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@msbellows
I hope he has a spare pair of pants but they're hemmed a little strangely and there's a small patch by one of the pockets that has become felted by his phone and keys rubbing against it, and even though nobody else notices he's really self conscious about it all day long.@HG @msbellows This is pure evil. And I respect that.
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@HG @msbellows This is pure evil. And I respect that.
@FeloniousPunk @HG I'm disappointed that HG forgot about the visible reinforcement where he caught one pocket on the arm of a chair as he was sitting down because they're old-school pleated and baggy and it tore.
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#IHopeJohnRoberts decides that instead of continuing to lie in his motel room bed having a hungover moral crisis, he should go out and find some oatmeal or something soothing like that for breakfast, but when he opens the door he startles at the dead rat lying on the doorstep and stumbles and falls to one knee, skinning it badly and tearing his last remaining pair of pants, so he goes back inside and curls up on the bed again, blood from his knee staining the dirty sheets in a slowly widening circle.
As he lies on the cheap motel room bed, hung-over and nearly broke and bleeding from his knee and experiencing a dark night of the soul,
#IHopeJohnRoberts falls back asleep and in a dream is visited by three rats, who remind him that he hasn't studied for an important test and also point out that he's naked in public and then chant that he's a failure and laugh at him scornfully, having somehow transformed into the shades of Antonin Scalia, his father, and his 1L Constitutional Law professor. -
As he lies on the cheap motel room bed, hung-over and nearly broke and bleeding from his knee and experiencing a dark night of the soul,
#IHopeJohnRoberts falls back asleep and in a dream is visited by three rats, who remind him that he hasn't studied for an important test and also point out that he's naked in public and then chant that he's a failure and laugh at him scornfully, having somehow transformed into the shades of Antonin Scalia, his father, and his 1L Constitutional Law professor.In his terrible dream, #IHopeJohnRoberts 's wife appears to him as he's standing in his old schoolyard worrying about the test he's unprepared for, and points at his nakedness and laughs and laughs and laughs and then walks away intimately arm in arm with Clarence and Ginny Thomas, heading towards a cheap motel exactly like the one he's currently asleep in.
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In his terrible dream, #IHopeJohnRoberts 's wife appears to him as he's standing in his old schoolyard worrying about the test he's unprepared for, and points at his nakedness and laughs and laughs and laughs and then walks away intimately arm in arm with Clarence and Ginny Thomas, heading towards a cheap motel exactly like the one he's currently asleep in.
#IHopeJohnRoberts 's terrible dream continues, with St. Peter appearing to him in a blaze of lithium-fire white light, asking whether he has completed all the Hail Marys the priest assigned him as penance for his anti-democracy rulings, and Gabriel standing behind Peter eagerly fingering his flaming sword as John nervously tries to think of an answer besides the truthful. "no, I blew it off."
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#IHopeJohnRoberts 's terrible dream continues, with St. Peter appearing to him in a blaze of lithium-fire white light, asking whether he has completed all the Hail Marys the priest assigned him as penance for his anti-democracy rulings, and Gabriel standing behind Peter eagerly fingering his flaming sword as John nervously tries to think of an answer besides the truthful. "no, I blew it off."
And his terrible dream continues: #IHopeJohnRoberts, in his sleeping mind, is a first year law student again, excited to be entering a tradition populated by saints and giants, a noble and vital cultural structure, learning to be the priests of civilization, the few anointed to approach the Benchthrone of Justice to advocate for the less privileged – a profession of secular holiness; and then his 1L Con Law professor and the ghost of William O. Douglas and the Pope all appear and together challenge him to examine whether he has lived up to that ideal, and he answers, "Of course! Look at me! I'm the Chief Justice of the United States Supreme Court!", and they all look sad and start to turn away and then the Pope morphs into Cliff Robertson from the original Spider-Man film and mutters, "with great privilege comes great responsibility," and John starts feeling like maybe he's done something wrong with his life, but he isn't sure what it is.
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And his terrible dream continues: #IHopeJohnRoberts, in his sleeping mind, is a first year law student again, excited to be entering a tradition populated by saints and giants, a noble and vital cultural structure, learning to be the priests of civilization, the few anointed to approach the Benchthrone of Justice to advocate for the less privileged – a profession of secular holiness; and then his 1L Con Law professor and the ghost of William O. Douglas and the Pope all appear and together challenge him to examine whether he has lived up to that ideal, and he answers, "Of course! Look at me! I'm the Chief Justice of the United States Supreme Court!", and they all look sad and start to turn away and then the Pope morphs into Cliff Robertson from the original Spider-Man film and mutters, "with great privilege comes great responsibility," and John starts feeling like maybe he's done something wrong with his life, but he isn't sure what it is.
Was John Houseman a part of this story?
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Was John Houseman a part of this story?
@mycotropic John Houseman is part of every law school story post-1973. There was no one in my 1987 law school class for whom that film was not formative.
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