I hope John Roberts can't watch the NFL playoff games today because he has explosive diarrhea.
-
I hope John Roberts has an annoying blob of earwax in one ear and goes to the hall closet for a q-tip but the Costco-sized box they've had literally for years is completely empty and that ear is really bugging him so instead he halfway unbends a small paperclip and uses the smaller loop to dig out the dried wax and he tries to be careful but the paperclip was dirty or he scratches something and anyway he develops a really nasty ear infection that makes him dizzy and gives him headaches and tinnitus.
I hope today John Roberts tries to pick up a neighbor's cute, nice-seeming cat for a cuddle and it freaks out and scratches him badly right on the cheek.
-
@firefly That makes me glad. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just cursing into the void like usual.
-
I hope today John Roberts tries to pick up a neighbor's cute, nice-seeming cat for a cuddle and it freaks out and scratches him badly right on the cheek.
I hope John Roberts' shoelace breaks, and not at home where he could just change shoes. And that those shoes have fairly short laces anyway, and that it breaks right at the eyelet where the knot will get in the way.
-
@TimothyRoes Good curses require focus to be effective.
-
@TimothyRoes So you're saying that 100 years from now Roberts' great great great grandchild's shoelace will break, slowing the delivery of a vital message and ultimately leading to the final demise of the American empire?
Cool, cool, I'm good with that.
-
@GhostOnTheHalfShell Excellent. That is my purpose. Steady, small, drip by drip.
-
@nanowiz@vmst.io ((It's the John Roberts you're thinking of. And don't worry about it not being enough; there's a whole thread of curses!))
-
@nanowiz@vmst.io _/\_
-
I hope John Roberts' shoelace breaks, and not at home where he could just change shoes. And that those shoes have fairly short laces anyway, and that it breaks right at the eyelet where the knot will get in the way.
I hope John Roberts orders Chinese for lunch and it comes with those chopsticks that are rectangular in cross-section instead of round and when he separates them it splinters just a little and he gets a tiny splinter in the ball of his index finger and it's one of those splinters that's set so deeply there's only a tiny little nub sticking out that's not enough to grab with tweezers but every time he picks up a pen or taps a keyboard it jiggles it and hurts annoyingly.
-
@david So so I, but that would impugn a proof and delicious ethnic cuisine, and also I already used that wish in the very first curse in this long thread.
-
@david Easy answer: you're a slacker! (Said by a fellow slacker, so don't worry, I'm not judging you.)
-
@david Also, it's probably a "tell" that I'm defining "slacker" as "someone who doesn't spend enough time on Mastodon to catch every single one of my posts in real time."
-
@sarae Tell me more about the smell. (And are there blackberries in D.C.?)
-
@sarae Is... is it under the floorboards?
-
@sarae Please don't say it also bubbles up from the Jacuzzi jets.
-
@sarae Who doesn't, at least indirectly?
-
I hope John Roberts orders Chinese for lunch and it comes with those chopsticks that are rectangular in cross-section instead of round and when he separates them it splinters just a little and he gets a tiny splinter in the ball of his index finger and it's one of those splinters that's set so deeply there's only a tiny little nub sticking out that's not enough to grab with tweezers but every time he picks up a pen or taps a keyboard it jiggles it and hurts annoyingly.
I hope John Roberts goes to see "Inherit The Wind" at the Fichandler Stage in D.C. tonight and feels out of touch with the rest of the audience because why would anyone root for the criminal teaching evolution to innocent children, and then on the drive home he praises the righteous lawyer fighting to keep God's Word in the public schools and his wife responds by asking contemptuously how she ever could have married such an asshole and it makes him feel really confused and lonely and sad.
-
@goatrodeo I used to think he had one.
I was a sweet summer child back then.
-
I hope John Roberts goes to see "Inherit The Wind" at the Fichandler Stage in D.C. tonight and feels out of touch with the rest of the audience because why would anyone root for the criminal teaching evolution to innocent children, and then on the drive home he praises the righteous lawyer fighting to keep God's Word in the public schools and his wife responds by asking contemptuously how she ever could have married such an asshole and it makes him feel really confused and lonely and sad.
I hope John Roberts gets a flat tire today when he's already running late.
-
@karlauerbach Yes, but old lawyers who've had clerks and research assistants for decades don't necessarily know that, which is why I portray him as puzzled.
