Talking to another parent yesterday and it seems we are among the last two holdouts giving our kids their own devices.
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Talking to another parent yesterday and it seems we are among the last two holdouts giving our kids their own devices.
They have devices they can use but they aren't "theirs".
Some have smart phones already (age range 9-11). Many have smart watches.
When I voiced privacy concerns to other parents, I was made to feel like the bad guy for failing to protect my kids. They are the good parents for giving their kids the ability to call for help in case something happens on the way home. I live in the city and I'm pretty much at the furthest corner of our dense district at a whopping 800m from the school.
There's also the old Chinese saying, two actually I'd like to share. "Far away water can't save a near fire", and "close neighbours are better than far away relatives".
So my kids have an emergency on the walk home. What kind of community would I have to live in to feel like they can't scream for help or walk into the corner store for help?
This is all part of the erosion of society. Don't depend on your community. Give a subscription to tech bros to keep your children safe.
Friends, this is f'd. I should not need to depend on tech to guard my kids against a mythical threat when I should have neighbors and friends all around who contribute to the well being of all of us.
If your solution to safety is tech and not community building, your priorities are f'd and you're letting the tech bros eat what's left of your brain.
I hate when I'm made to feel like a bad parent for not caring about my children's safety.
Tech is not the path to child safety.
And of course if they think the kids can call someone faster than a bad guy can rip that watch or phone away from them, they're fairly delusional. Hundreds of kids disappear every day and pretty much all of them have phones and watches now.
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And in all seriousness, the self protection I gave my daughter is martial art training since age 6. It was a top priority for me as I suffer from trauma, every woman I know suffers from trauma of one sort or another via harassment or assault. I started looking into martial art schools near us since the stroller days.
Just turned 11 and will likely do her black belt testing in December. She thankfully takes her training seriously. I was looking at some of the kicks the other day. She can break boards quite easily (she has to for tests) but I was thinking a bit more growing (she's physically small for 11) her speed and technique can probably break a rib pretty soon.
The reality is that by the time she calls for help, it'll be too late. How long does it take me to get there? She needs to down the guy and run to somewhere where people are who can help her. The phone is a false sense of security. Self defense will at least buy her time to run. And boy can she run. She's fast.
@chu @fritzoids
I admire you and your daughter for the martial arts.
However one thing I've learnt from 15 years of being a Tai Chi student (the nearest I've ever come to any martial art) is to avoid getting into 'situations' in the first place, to be aware of my surroundings, and be aware of other people's body language. Also to use others' momentum and movements against them.
Defence can be far more valuable than attack. I have absolutely no idea what any other martial art teaches, but these sound pretty sensible approaches to me. -
Talking to another parent yesterday and it seems we are among the last two holdouts giving our kids their own devices.
They have devices they can use but they aren't "theirs".
Some have smart phones already (age range 9-11). Many have smart watches.
When I voiced privacy concerns to other parents, I was made to feel like the bad guy for failing to protect my kids. They are the good parents for giving their kids the ability to call for help in case something happens on the way home. I live in the city and I'm pretty much at the furthest corner of our dense district at a whopping 800m from the school.
There's also the old Chinese saying, two actually I'd like to share. "Far away water can't save a near fire", and "close neighbours are better than far away relatives".
So my kids have an emergency on the walk home. What kind of community would I have to live in to feel like they can't scream for help or walk into the corner store for help?
This is all part of the erosion of society. Don't depend on your community. Give a subscription to tech bros to keep your children safe.
Friends, this is f'd. I should not need to depend on tech to guard my kids against a mythical threat when I should have neighbors and friends all around who contribute to the well being of all of us.
If your solution to safety is tech and not community building, your priorities are f'd and you're letting the tech bros eat what's left of your brain.
I hate when I'm made to feel like a bad parent for not caring about my children's safety.
Tech is not the path to child safety.
@chu My grandkids are 8 and 10. Their parents plus all of us grandparents are resisting phones with everything we’ve got.
We will lose the battle at some point because the 10 year old is active in dance and theatre. She’s going to need to coordinate rides and such. But we will wait just as long as possible.
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@chu @fritzoids
I admire you and your daughter for the martial arts.
However one thing I've learnt from 15 years of being a Tai Chi student (the nearest I've ever come to any martial art) is to avoid getting into 'situations' in the first place, to be aware of my surroundings, and be aware of other people's body language. Also to use others' momentum and movements against them.
Defence can be far more valuable than attack. I have absolutely no idea what any other martial art teaches, but these sound pretty sensible approaches to me.Agree in principle but also want to add that as women, our threats normally come from people we know in situations that start off non threatening. Random, on street violence is rare and not even the thing I'm honestly most afraid of.
I watched 8 de-escalate a situation in the playground last week. They know the basics of staying away from threats but every woman will tell you, those aren't the ones we fear most. It's the ones coming from trusted people when we least expect it and wished we kicked our way out of there. Had I landed my attacker in the ER, there would be no questions about whether or not I asked for it.
It was in what I thought was a safe space with someone I trusted. Those threat assessment techniques fail us because these people get there by perfecting a non threatening persona. And they are the nicest people to us, to kids, to everyone.
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Talking to another parent yesterday and it seems we are among the last two holdouts giving our kids their own devices.
They have devices they can use but they aren't "theirs".
Some have smart phones already (age range 9-11). Many have smart watches.
When I voiced privacy concerns to other parents, I was made to feel like the bad guy for failing to protect my kids. They are the good parents for giving their kids the ability to call for help in case something happens on the way home. I live in the city and I'm pretty much at the furthest corner of our dense district at a whopping 800m from the school.
There's also the old Chinese saying, two actually I'd like to share. "Far away water can't save a near fire", and "close neighbours are better than far away relatives".
So my kids have an emergency on the walk home. What kind of community would I have to live in to feel like they can't scream for help or walk into the corner store for help?
This is all part of the erosion of society. Don't depend on your community. Give a subscription to tech bros to keep your children safe.
Friends, this is f'd. I should not need to depend on tech to guard my kids against a mythical threat when I should have neighbors and friends all around who contribute to the well being of all of us.
If your solution to safety is tech and not community building, your priorities are f'd and you're letting the tech bros eat what's left of your brain.
I hate when I'm made to feel like a bad parent for not caring about my children's safety.
Tech is not the path to child safety.
@chu We never gave our kids any phones. They bought them themselves with the proceeds of paper rounds, babysitting, etc.
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@chu you would actually not be allowed by the school to let your pre senior school children walk home alone. They have to be handed to a known adult
In our school district, the rule is grade 4 they are allowed self dismissal. That means they can walk home alone by then... That's age 9 here.
That's why so many parents started to get devides at that age.
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@chu
In the US we've got a bunch of GenZers going back to flip phones of their own accord. As is often the case around here, the kids are wiser than their elders.I'm an elder millennial and remember the pre-internet days. The children yearn for flip phones and video stores, and I agree with them.
@MaryAustinBooks @chu Always had a quarter in my pocket for a payphone, but my commute was long as a kid.
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@chu @fritzoids
I admire you and your daughter for the martial arts.
However one thing I've learnt from 15 years of being a Tai Chi student (the nearest I've ever come to any martial art) is to avoid getting into 'situations' in the first place, to be aware of my surroundings, and be aware of other people's body language. Also to use others' momentum and movements against them.
Defence can be far more valuable than attack. I have absolutely no idea what any other martial art teaches, but these sound pretty sensible approaches to me.@MikeFromLFE @chu @fritzoids For the record, that's also what I was taught in Kung Fu. A big part of it was blocking, evasion, and breaking grips so you can get away. Part of the black belt grading (I watched) was to spend 5 minutes simply not being grappled by three guys.
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@MikeFromLFE @chu @fritzoids For the record, that's also what I was taught in Kung Fu. A big part of it was blocking, evasion, and breaking grips so you can get away. Part of the black belt grading (I watched) was to spend 5 minutes simply not being grappled by three guys.
@LyallMorrison @MikeFromLFE @fritzoids
I watched my see hing do his level 10 wing chun test and the 10 minutes of defence was pretty incredible to watch.
I 100% agree. Defence is where it's at. But see my earlier comment to Mike. For us women, the randos aren't the threat. It's when trusted people have us in vulnerable situations and kicking our way out is all we got left.
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@LyallMorrison @MikeFromLFE @fritzoids
I watched my see hing do his level 10 wing chun test and the 10 minutes of defence was pretty incredible to watch.
I 100% agree. Defence is where it's at. But see my earlier comment to Mike. For us women, the randos aren't the threat. It's when trusted people have us in vulnerable situations and kicking our way out is all we got left.
@chu @LyallMorrison @MikeFromLFE @fritzoids i taught self defence for over a decade, and ensured my daughters got their blackbelt too. As someone with numerous blackbelts of my own i can say that the ultimate lesson is not how well you can kick (although that's a pretty cool skill) but what i'd describe as being physically confident in a space. It's situational awareness combined with an understanding of your own body. Dancers often have this btw.
I've broken up or intervened in several violent situations, not because I'm super tough (I'm not), and all without throwing a punch. I've defended myself and a few others by recognising the danger and acting in a way to either defuse or avoid it.
Twenty years of training so that i should never use it. Sounds cliche, i know, but i look at my board breaking, hip throwing daughters walking with confidence and think, yup, they're safer now.
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@chu @LyallMorrison @MikeFromLFE @fritzoids i taught self defence for over a decade, and ensured my daughters got their blackbelt too. As someone with numerous blackbelts of my own i can say that the ultimate lesson is not how well you can kick (although that's a pretty cool skill) but what i'd describe as being physically confident in a space. It's situational awareness combined with an understanding of your own body. Dancers often have this btw.
I've broken up or intervened in several violent situations, not because I'm super tough (I'm not), and all without throwing a punch. I've defended myself and a few others by recognising the danger and acting in a way to either defuse or avoid it.
Twenty years of training so that i should never use it. Sounds cliche, i know, but i look at my board breaking, hip throwing daughters walking with confidence and think, yup, they're safer now.
@jdmcg @LyallMorrison @MikeFromLFE @fritzoids
100%.
Don't disagree with any of that. I see it as a last resort. When a man you trust unexpectedly has you pinned down out of nowhere.... Those are the situations where women become most vulnerable and all those preventive measures go out the window.
I want them to be able to break a fight, to de-escalate, to run first.... I get it. It's when they can't.
And I am putting her in martial arts well aware of the trauma I carry and how I wished I knew how to kick and punch back then. I get it.
I get that the martial arts I am learning now (making up for lost time) is so I don't have to use it. But having been in a situation where I wish I had it, I can tell you this isn't about knowing what's coming and having any kind of awareness of my physical surroundings.
This is about betrayal. About men abusing their positions of authority. About men abusing their trusted positions in the community.
This isn't about preventing on any of our parts except for parents to not raise boys into power abusing assholes.
I see what my daughter can do now and I can only hope if these things ever happen to her she can get out. There was nothing I, or any of my fellow victims ever did wrong. We shouldn't have been expected to "know" or not be in a place we thought we were supposed to be and thought was safe.
I did get out of my situation with one strong kick. I wasn't trained at the time though. And my biggest regret in life is that I didn't do it hard enough to put him in the ER. Because for over a decade the talk was non stop about how much of it was my fault or asking for it. Had I landed him a broken bone, I don't think that would have been asked. How much of this was my fault since he was a married man. Sorry. My trauma is coming out.
So please stop telling me about how much martial arts is about prevention. I get it. I have been training for a few years now with the kids and I get it.
There's no amount of prevention we can do in some situations. All we can hope for is to kick and punch our way out. I too hope she doesn't need this. But I'm glad she's got it.
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@chu I was one of the close to school moms. I took calls from the high school that were often a friend of my daughter’s who needed a ride home because of a family emergency. I always said yes. For context they all graduated 2 years ago.
@artbysarahsammis @chu My mom was that mom, too.
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@artbysarahsammis @chu My mom was that mom, too.
@ShaulaEvans @chu the high school is across town and railroad tracks from where a lot of the kids lived. No way was I saying no.
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@ShaulaEvans @chu the high school is across town and railroad tracks from where a lot of the kids lived. No way was I saying no.
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@jdmcg @LyallMorrison @MikeFromLFE @fritzoids
100%.
Don't disagree with any of that. I see it as a last resort. When a man you trust unexpectedly has you pinned down out of nowhere.... Those are the situations where women become most vulnerable and all those preventive measures go out the window.
I want them to be able to break a fight, to de-escalate, to run first.... I get it. It's when they can't.
And I am putting her in martial arts well aware of the trauma I carry and how I wished I knew how to kick and punch back then. I get it.
I get that the martial arts I am learning now (making up for lost time) is so I don't have to use it. But having been in a situation where I wish I had it, I can tell you this isn't about knowing what's coming and having any kind of awareness of my physical surroundings.
This is about betrayal. About men abusing their positions of authority. About men abusing their trusted positions in the community.
This isn't about preventing on any of our parts except for parents to not raise boys into power abusing assholes.
I see what my daughter can do now and I can only hope if these things ever happen to her she can get out. There was nothing I, or any of my fellow victims ever did wrong. We shouldn't have been expected to "know" or not be in a place we thought we were supposed to be and thought was safe.
I did get out of my situation with one strong kick. I wasn't trained at the time though. And my biggest regret in life is that I didn't do it hard enough to put him in the ER. Because for over a decade the talk was non stop about how much of it was my fault or asking for it. Had I landed him a broken bone, I don't think that would have been asked. How much of this was my fault since he was a married man. Sorry. My trauma is coming out.
So please stop telling me about how much martial arts is about prevention. I get it. I have been training for a few years now with the kids and I get it.
There's no amount of prevention we can do in some situations. All we can hope for is to kick and punch our way out. I too hope she doesn't need this. But I'm glad she's got it.
@chu @LyallMorrison @MikeFromLFE @fritzoids good on you.
And believe me, I've taught hundreds how to kick, elbow, bite, gouge, throw, break and otherwise, under pressure and against larger opponents. If i didn't think those skills might sometimes be needed, i wouldn't have bothered. Some of my students came with trauma, many with fear. They taught me a great deal i would never have understood otherwise.
So yeah. Kick ass.
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Agree in principle but also want to add that as women, our threats normally come from people we know in situations that start off non threatening. Random, on street violence is rare and not even the thing I'm honestly most afraid of.
I watched 8 de-escalate a situation in the playground last week. They know the basics of staying away from threats but every woman will tell you, those aren't the ones we fear most. It's the ones coming from trusted people when we least expect it and wished we kicked our way out of there. Had I landed my attacker in the ER, there would be no questions about whether or not I asked for it.
It was in what I thought was a safe space with someone I trusted. Those threat assessment techniques fail us because these people get there by perfecting a non threatening persona. And they are the nicest people to us, to kids, to everyone.
@chu @MikeFromLFE @fritzoids
This gets back to your original post about the parent trying to protect their child from abuse with a phoneMost abusers like you say, are someone the kid knows, a family member or friend
Who are we supposed to call when we were afraid to tell?
Teaching kids to defend and protect themselves, and that they have some adults that care for them no matter what happens
That seems like what will get them through
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Talking to another parent yesterday and it seems we are among the last two holdouts giving our kids their own devices.
They have devices they can use but they aren't "theirs".
Some have smart phones already (age range 9-11). Many have smart watches.
When I voiced privacy concerns to other parents, I was made to feel like the bad guy for failing to protect my kids. They are the good parents for giving their kids the ability to call for help in case something happens on the way home. I live in the city and I'm pretty much at the furthest corner of our dense district at a whopping 800m from the school.
There's also the old Chinese saying, two actually I'd like to share. "Far away water can't save a near fire", and "close neighbours are better than far away relatives".
So my kids have an emergency on the walk home. What kind of community would I have to live in to feel like they can't scream for help or walk into the corner store for help?
This is all part of the erosion of society. Don't depend on your community. Give a subscription to tech bros to keep your children safe.
Friends, this is f'd. I should not need to depend on tech to guard my kids against a mythical threat when I should have neighbors and friends all around who contribute to the well being of all of us.
If your solution to safety is tech and not community building, your priorities are f'd and you're letting the tech bros eat what's left of your brain.
I hate when I'm made to feel like a bad parent for not caring about my children's safety.
Tech is not the path to child safety.
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Without a lie, society is quickly becoming that
I parent free range with a long leash. You should see the number of people in places like museums and even on the ferry yesterday telling me I need to stay closer to my kids.
I really wanted to tell him off.
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@chu @LyallMorrison @MikeFromLFE @fritzoids good on you.
And believe me, I've taught hundreds how to kick, elbow, bite, gouge, throw, break and otherwise, under pressure and against larger opponents. If i didn't think those skills might sometimes be needed, i wouldn't have bothered. Some of my students came with trauma, many with fear. They taught me a great deal i would never have understood otherwise.
So yeah. Kick ass.
@jdmcg @LyallMorrison @MikeFromLFE @fritzoids
I replayed the scene many times in my head. I wish I kicked here or there or did a knife strike to the neck. I didn't have any of those skills then. Only a messy kick to the shins a push, some slapping probably and running.
The trauma will never go away. I literally started scoping martial arts schools before she could even walk. I have no other solution other than to give her the skills I wish I had at that moment I hope she will never experience.
Every move I watch her do I think "could that get him off of her? Was that enough to knock him down for her to run?"
None of this is healthy I know.
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Without a lie, society is quickly becoming that
I parent free range with a long leash. You should see the number of people in places like museums and even on the ferry yesterday telling me I need to stay closer to my kids.
I really wanted to tell him off.
Years ago... 90s... Thing 2 (the younger) ran home and said Thing 1 (maybe 10) was up a tree. We went over to investigate. A lovely tree with great branches for climbing. Thing 1 was higher than the roof of the neighbour's house. We said dinner was soon, which coaxed her down.
She was the hit of her friends for weeks. Still has that same spirit 30 years later. Skydives, triathlons, sails.
Encourage adventure!
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