Talking to another parent yesterday and it seems we are among the last two holdouts giving our kids their own devices.
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@artbysarahsammis @chu My mom was that mom, too.
@ShaulaEvans @chu the high school is across town and railroad tracks from where a lot of the kids lived. No way was I saying no.
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@ShaulaEvans @chu the high school is across town and railroad tracks from where a lot of the kids lived. No way was I saying no.
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@jdmcg @LyallMorrison @MikeFromLFE @fritzoids
100%.
Don't disagree with any of that. I see it as a last resort. When a man you trust unexpectedly has you pinned down out of nowhere.... Those are the situations where women become most vulnerable and all those preventive measures go out the window.
I want them to be able to break a fight, to de-escalate, to run first.... I get it. It's when they can't.
And I am putting her in martial arts well aware of the trauma I carry and how I wished I knew how to kick and punch back then. I get it.
I get that the martial arts I am learning now (making up for lost time) is so I don't have to use it. But having been in a situation where I wish I had it, I can tell you this isn't about knowing what's coming and having any kind of awareness of my physical surroundings.
This is about betrayal. About men abusing their positions of authority. About men abusing their trusted positions in the community.
This isn't about preventing on any of our parts except for parents to not raise boys into power abusing assholes.
I see what my daughter can do now and I can only hope if these things ever happen to her she can get out. There was nothing I, or any of my fellow victims ever did wrong. We shouldn't have been expected to "know" or not be in a place we thought we were supposed to be and thought was safe.
I did get out of my situation with one strong kick. I wasn't trained at the time though. And my biggest regret in life is that I didn't do it hard enough to put him in the ER. Because for over a decade the talk was non stop about how much of it was my fault or asking for it. Had I landed him a broken bone, I don't think that would have been asked. How much of this was my fault since he was a married man. Sorry. My trauma is coming out.
So please stop telling me about how much martial arts is about prevention. I get it. I have been training for a few years now with the kids and I get it.
There's no amount of prevention we can do in some situations. All we can hope for is to kick and punch our way out. I too hope she doesn't need this. But I'm glad she's got it.
@chu @LyallMorrison @MikeFromLFE @fritzoids good on you.
And believe me, I've taught hundreds how to kick, elbow, bite, gouge, throw, break and otherwise, under pressure and against larger opponents. If i didn't think those skills might sometimes be needed, i wouldn't have bothered. Some of my students came with trauma, many with fear. They taught me a great deal i would never have understood otherwise.
So yeah. Kick ass.
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Agree in principle but also want to add that as women, our threats normally come from people we know in situations that start off non threatening. Random, on street violence is rare and not even the thing I'm honestly most afraid of.
I watched 8 de-escalate a situation in the playground last week. They know the basics of staying away from threats but every woman will tell you, those aren't the ones we fear most. It's the ones coming from trusted people when we least expect it and wished we kicked our way out of there. Had I landed my attacker in the ER, there would be no questions about whether or not I asked for it.
It was in what I thought was a safe space with someone I trusted. Those threat assessment techniques fail us because these people get there by perfecting a non threatening persona. And they are the nicest people to us, to kids, to everyone.
@chu @MikeFromLFE @fritzoids
This gets back to your original post about the parent trying to protect their child from abuse with a phoneMost abusers like you say, are someone the kid knows, a family member or friend
Who are we supposed to call when we were afraid to tell?
Teaching kids to defend and protect themselves, and that they have some adults that care for them no matter what happens
That seems like what will get them through
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Talking to another parent yesterday and it seems we are among the last two holdouts giving our kids their own devices.
They have devices they can use but they aren't "theirs".
Some have smart phones already (age range 9-11). Many have smart watches.
When I voiced privacy concerns to other parents, I was made to feel like the bad guy for failing to protect my kids. They are the good parents for giving their kids the ability to call for help in case something happens on the way home. I live in the city and I'm pretty much at the furthest corner of our dense district at a whopping 800m from the school.
There's also the old Chinese saying, two actually I'd like to share. "Far away water can't save a near fire", and "close neighbours are better than far away relatives".
So my kids have an emergency on the walk home. What kind of community would I have to live in to feel like they can't scream for help or walk into the corner store for help?
This is all part of the erosion of society. Don't depend on your community. Give a subscription to tech bros to keep your children safe.
Friends, this is f'd. I should not need to depend on tech to guard my kids against a mythical threat when I should have neighbors and friends all around who contribute to the well being of all of us.
If your solution to safety is tech and not community building, your priorities are f'd and you're letting the tech bros eat what's left of your brain.
I hate when I'm made to feel like a bad parent for not caring about my children's safety.
Tech is not the path to child safety.
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Without a lie, society is quickly becoming that
I parent free range with a long leash. You should see the number of people in places like museums and even on the ferry yesterday telling me I need to stay closer to my kids.
I really wanted to tell him off.
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@chu @LyallMorrison @MikeFromLFE @fritzoids good on you.
And believe me, I've taught hundreds how to kick, elbow, bite, gouge, throw, break and otherwise, under pressure and against larger opponents. If i didn't think those skills might sometimes be needed, i wouldn't have bothered. Some of my students came with trauma, many with fear. They taught me a great deal i would never have understood otherwise.
So yeah. Kick ass.
@jdmcg @LyallMorrison @MikeFromLFE @fritzoids
I replayed the scene many times in my head. I wish I kicked here or there or did a knife strike to the neck. I didn't have any of those skills then. Only a messy kick to the shins a push, some slapping probably and running.
The trauma will never go away. I literally started scoping martial arts schools before she could even walk. I have no other solution other than to give her the skills I wish I had at that moment I hope she will never experience.
Every move I watch her do I think "could that get him off of her? Was that enough to knock him down for her to run?"
None of this is healthy I know.
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Without a lie, society is quickly becoming that
I parent free range with a long leash. You should see the number of people in places like museums and even on the ferry yesterday telling me I need to stay closer to my kids.
I really wanted to tell him off.
Years ago... 90s... Thing 2 (the younger) ran home and said Thing 1 (maybe 10) was up a tree. We went over to investigate. A lovely tree with great branches for climbing. Thing 1 was higher than the roof of the neighbour's house. We said dinner was soon, which coaxed her down.
She was the hit of her friends for weeks. Still has that same spirit 30 years later. Skydives, triathlons, sails.
Encourage adventure!
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Talking to another parent yesterday and it seems we are among the last two holdouts giving our kids their own devices.
They have devices they can use but they aren't "theirs".
Some have smart phones already (age range 9-11). Many have smart watches.
When I voiced privacy concerns to other parents, I was made to feel like the bad guy for failing to protect my kids. They are the good parents for giving their kids the ability to call for help in case something happens on the way home. I live in the city and I'm pretty much at the furthest corner of our dense district at a whopping 800m from the school.
There's also the old Chinese saying, two actually I'd like to share. "Far away water can't save a near fire", and "close neighbours are better than far away relatives".
So my kids have an emergency on the walk home. What kind of community would I have to live in to feel like they can't scream for help or walk into the corner store for help?
This is all part of the erosion of society. Don't depend on your community. Give a subscription to tech bros to keep your children safe.
Friends, this is f'd. I should not need to depend on tech to guard my kids against a mythical threat when I should have neighbors and friends all around who contribute to the well being of all of us.
If your solution to safety is tech and not community building, your priorities are f'd and you're letting the tech bros eat what's left of your brain.
I hate when I'm made to feel like a bad parent for not caring about my children's safety.
Tech is not the path to child safety.
@chu Mine were 15 and 16 before I got them a phone. They got their own PC but with Linux. Networks shut off at 10:30pm.
4 years later, they thank me for doing that.
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Talking to another parent yesterday and it seems we are among the last two holdouts giving our kids their own devices.
They have devices they can use but they aren't "theirs".
Some have smart phones already (age range 9-11). Many have smart watches.
When I voiced privacy concerns to other parents, I was made to feel like the bad guy for failing to protect my kids. They are the good parents for giving their kids the ability to call for help in case something happens on the way home. I live in the city and I'm pretty much at the furthest corner of our dense district at a whopping 800m from the school.
There's also the old Chinese saying, two actually I'd like to share. "Far away water can't save a near fire", and "close neighbours are better than far away relatives".
So my kids have an emergency on the walk home. What kind of community would I have to live in to feel like they can't scream for help or walk into the corner store for help?
This is all part of the erosion of society. Don't depend on your community. Give a subscription to tech bros to keep your children safe.
Friends, this is f'd. I should not need to depend on tech to guard my kids against a mythical threat when I should have neighbors and friends all around who contribute to the well being of all of us.
If your solution to safety is tech and not community building, your priorities are f'd and you're letting the tech bros eat what's left of your brain.
I hate when I'm made to feel like a bad parent for not caring about my children's safety.
Tech is not the path to child safety.
I'm a certified Old, & I get along just fine (mostly) with a simple flip phone. I do like having one on me, with a few numbers loaded for back-up.
But, yeah, compulsively giving kids phones "because safety" seems...less than well thought out.
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@MaryAustinBooks @chu Always had a quarter in my pocket for a payphone, but my commute was long as a kid.
@YakyuNightOwl @MaryAustinBooks @chu
I (Gen Z) switched to a brick phone at the start of the year. No browser, no apps. Just texts, calls, and a music player (micro SD).It has been an absolute boon to my mental and physical health. I used to have a screen time of 8+ hours/day. Now, some days, I completely forget I have a phone at all.
Every reason I had to keep my iPhone, every reason it was "absolutely essential", was just an excuse. I have a computer at home for maps and IM, I can use a taxi or call Uber Call-to-Ride if I'm ever stuck. I carry cards and cash.
I urge anyone who is considering giving their child a smartphone to give them a dumbphone instead. My having a smartphone as a child was a mistake.
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