I think I need to share an experience I just had recently.
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I think I need to share an experience I just had recently.
I was talking with an elder, in his mid-80s. He was showing me pictures, and showed me his wife’s “grandson” — cue photo of a stunningly fashionable young woman, wow does she know how to dress — “except he's trans, he did his trans-…he transitioned…”
ME: Does your grandkid use “she” pronouns now?
HIM: Yes!
ME: So she's your granddaughter now, I think?
HIM: Yes!!
And he switched to using she/her and did not switch back for the rest of the conversation.
There's more…
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@inthehands I always think of the line from Men in Black "a person is smart but people are dumb scared animals and you know it!"
I've found that with most Republican voters, if you stay away from the big talking points and don't say anything party-specific you can almost always have a productive policy conversation and they'll generally agree with liberal or even "far-left" (by American standards) policy positions. Sometimes it'll be more agree to disagree, but they'll still be far more open to policy that is too liberal for most Democrats to touch than rhetoric would have you believe
Changing the world takes one individual conversation like this at a time. Plant those seeds with enough individuals and maybe we can have a slightly less toxic political world?
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@benroyce @chrisamaphone @inthehands the way to combat it is a ton of patience and exposure therapy.
My father grew up as the son of a cop in southern Texas. To say he was conservative is an understatement. He then immediately out of high school joined the military and ended up in Desert Storm.
For YEARS my dad has been suspicious of and racist towards anyone who looks even a little middle eastern.
1/@benroyce @chrisamaphone @inthehands then he was assigned a family to Deacon for (in Baptist churches each family has a specific Deacon they can go to) that was new to his church. Said family was Iraqi immigrants displaced for supporting the US.
He was, sort of obviously, very uncomfortable around them. But to his credit, he shoved those emotions deep down and treated them like any other family he was assigned.
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@benroyce @chrisamaphone @inthehands then he was assigned a family to Deacon for (in Baptist churches each family has a specific Deacon they can go to) that was new to his church. Said family was Iraqi immigrants displaced for supporting the US.
He was, sort of obviously, very uncomfortable around them. But to his credit, he shoved those emotions deep down and treated them like any other family he was assigned.
2/@benroyce @chrisamaphone @inthehands
Eventually he had some introspection, realized that he likely had undiagnosed PTSD from his service, which was leading to these feelings. Once he realized that, a lot of that hatred and judgement dissolved, and he's so much better now.
It's obviously different from the trans conversation, but I think most people don't hate naturally, they were made to hate, and the best cure for hate is patience and exposure.
/End -
@benroyce @chrisamaphone @inthehands
Eventually he had some introspection, realized that he likely had undiagnosed PTSD from his service, which was leading to these feelings. Once he realized that, a lot of that hatred and judgement dissolved, and he's so much better now.
It's obviously different from the trans conversation, but I think most people don't hate naturally, they were made to hate, and the best cure for hate is patience and exposure.
/End@DemonHouser @chrisamaphone @inthehands
you reminded me of LBJ's arc
dude was hella racist
and yet it was he who browbeat fellow democrats into getting us the 1964 civil rights act
such a seminal act it triggered all the dixiecrat racists to migrate out of the democratic party to the GOP giving us our reality today
people can change
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not to ruin paul's story, because it's a good one and that's not my intent
but conservatives compartmentalize
they will say black people this, black people that
then they will say a black person they are friendly with is "one of the good ones" and their ugly racism doesn't apply
in this way they preserve their teflon bigotry
i don't know how to attack this. "hypocrite!" is something conservatives are completely immune to. they just go through life like this
That's a good sort of general-sometimes-often kind of principle, but I'm not sure it's the correct analysis in this case.
I know that he went through a whole process of becoming accepting of gay & lesbian folks in general, and that was a real journey for him — but no compartmentalizing on that front now, he’s good across the board.
I suspect that trans acceptance is something he’s come to quicker than some of his peers, and he’d •like• to be accepting but maybe isn’t sure how that’s going to be received. The conversation I recounted, it’s almost like he was asking for my permission to be accepting, and was really relieved when I was cool with that. Not so much compartmentalizing as “coming out as accepting,” if that makes sense.
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That's a good sort of general-sometimes-often kind of principle, but I'm not sure it's the correct analysis in this case.
I know that he went through a whole process of becoming accepting of gay & lesbian folks in general, and that was a real journey for him — but no compartmentalizing on that front now, he’s good across the board.
I suspect that trans acceptance is something he’s come to quicker than some of his peers, and he’d •like• to be accepting but maybe isn’t sure how that’s going to be received. The conversation I recounted, it’s almost like he was asking for my permission to be accepting, and was really relieved when I was cool with that. Not so much compartmentalizing as “coming out as accepting,” if that makes sense.
again, you have an exquisite post, and my intention was not to crap all over it. i was reticent to post but i went ahead anyways because:
yes, people can change. they do
we just need to be aware of certain other classes of behaviors
so an abstraction out from the discussion you sparked. not a diminution of it
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again, you have an exquisite post, and my intention was not to crap all over it. i was reticent to post but i went ahead anyways because:
yes, people can change. they do
we just need to be aware of certain other classes of behaviors
so an abstraction out from the discussion you sparked. not a diminution of it
Understood, and no offense taken. I reply just because people's inner lives are really messy and complicated and hard to guess at, and there's a whole of different reasons for the political contradictions we see in people — some of those reasons very hopeful. I just want to make sure to recognize that.
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Understood, and no offense taken. I reply just because people's inner lives are really messy and complicated and hard to guess at, and there's a whole of different reasons for the political contradictions we see in people — some of those reasons very hopeful. I just want to make sure to recognize that.
if you say so, i'll delete my comment
you have a beautiful inspiring tale
and i come in and do mundane bullshit
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if you say so, i'll delete my comment
you have a beautiful inspiring tale
and i come in and do mundane bullshit
No need to delete! It's an important and valid point. Just required the reply.
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@stevenray @chrisamaphone @inthehands
go to paul's third comment
"I happen to know that this is man is quite conservative in a lot of ways. He's steeped in the Foxosphere to a degree that alarms his relatives. I know he was a huge Trump supporter the first time around, and I'm pretty sure he was this time too."
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That's a good sort of general-sometimes-often kind of principle, but I'm not sure it's the correct analysis in this case.
I know that he went through a whole process of becoming accepting of gay & lesbian folks in general, and that was a real journey for him — but no compartmentalizing on that front now, he’s good across the board.
I suspect that trans acceptance is something he’s come to quicker than some of his peers, and he’d •like• to be accepting but maybe isn’t sure how that’s going to be received. The conversation I recounted, it’s almost like he was asking for my permission to be accepting, and was really relieved when I was cool with that. Not so much compartmentalizing as “coming out as accepting,” if that makes sense.
@inthehands @benroyce @chrisamaphone
Love is a game changer. Sounds like that old man loved his grandson and now loves his granddaughter after her transition. He is not completely sure how other people will react and is somehow protecting his own feelings for his granddaughter from his circle’s opinions. It is great that he now knows that there are people willing to understand and recognize his love for his granddaughter because he wants to be free to love her as she is
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@benroyce @chrisamaphone @inthehands the way to combat it is a ton of patience and exposure therapy.
My father grew up as the son of a cop in southern Texas. To say he was conservative is an understatement. He then immediately out of high school joined the military and ended up in Desert Storm.
For YEARS my dad has been suspicious of and racist towards anyone who looks even a little middle eastern.
1/❝ the way to combat it is a ton of patience and exposure therapy. ❞
that’s not my job nor the job of any of your friends and relations victims.
i need to say this, because WHITE PRIVILEGE is expecting the patience and therapy to be done by the very victims of their racism and other -isms.
as i like to remind white LGBTQI folks: you are treated like we Black folks have been treated forever.
we need to end them hate -isms at the same time
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not to ruin paul's story, because it's a good one and that's not my intent
but conservatives compartmentalize
they will say black people this, black people that
then they will say a black person they are friendly with is "one of the good ones" and their ugly racism doesn't apply
in this way they preserve their teflon bigotry
i don't know how to attack this. "hypocrite!" is something conservatives are completely immune to. they just go through life like this
@benroyce @chrisamaphone @inthehands
Daryl Davis has shown an effective solution to racism with some kind of "exposure therapy" approach.
The following TED talk takes you through his story of befriending a KKK leader, and eventually convincing him to quit the KKK. It's inspiring:
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No need to delete! It's an important and valid point. Just required the reply.
@inthehands @benroyce @chrisamaphone Allow me to add a somewhat different perspective. When it comes to LGBTQ people, it truly does seem like actually knowing someone, as opposed to seeing queerness as an abstraction, often makes a huge difference. It sure did with my conservative parents. Why that seems less true with race is puzzling.
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❝ the way to combat it is a ton of patience and exposure therapy. ❞
that’s not my job nor the job of any of your friends and relations victims.
i need to say this, because WHITE PRIVILEGE is expecting the patience and therapy to be done by the very victims of their racism and other -isms.
as i like to remind white LGBTQI folks: you are treated like we Black folks have been treated forever.
we need to end them hate -isms at the same time
@blogdiva @DemonHouser @chrisamaphone @inthehands
there's a persistent troll on the fediverse, who i will not name because it will summon him and he will dive right into it, who argues we need to allow bigotry on the fediverse to change them
he cited daryl davis who befriended and changed KKK members
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daryl_Davis
i replied that that is awesome. but it was a years long heroic effort of inhuman stamina
it's not our job to put in that effort and change bigots. *they* need to change
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@DemonHouser @chrisamaphone @inthehands
you reminded me of LBJ's arc
dude was hella racist
and yet it was he who browbeat fellow democrats into getting us the 1964 civil rights act
such a seminal act it triggered all the dixiecrat racists to migrate out of the democratic party to the GOP giving us our reality today
people can change
@benroyce @DemonHouser @chrisamaphone @inthehands
https://19thnews.org/2022/05/white-evangelical-voters-gop-anti-trans-bills/
It's billionaires, foreign & domestic, exploiting & amplifying bigotry for personal gain.
https://theconversation.com/anti-trans-protests-the-conservative-party-could-use-ideological-polarization-to-win-voters-214934It is a cynical ploy to misuse faith to enrich the already rich.
Divide & Conquer narratives by the rich, for the rich.
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/2026/10/maga-foreign-policy/688352/
https://archive.is/mF3e61/
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@benroyce @chrisamaphone @inthehands
Daryl Davis has shown an effective solution to racism with some kind of "exposure therapy" approach.
The following TED talk takes you through his story of befriending a KKK leader, and eventually convincing him to quit the KKK. It's inspiring:
@Sea1Am @chrisamaphone @inthehands
i cited daryl davis myself contemporaneously independently in this thread
the only problem with this approach:
it is not our job
and daryl's effort was inhuman amounts of stamina. he's a hero, but we aren't required to be heros for the sake of bigots. let bigots change themselves
if anybody wants to be a daryl davis, i applaud them. they can wade out into twitter, i will buy the streamers and champagne for the bon voyage
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@benroyce @DemonHouser @chrisamaphone @inthehands
https://19thnews.org/2022/05/white-evangelical-voters-gop-anti-trans-bills/
It's billionaires, foreign & domestic, exploiting & amplifying bigotry for personal gain.
https://theconversation.com/anti-trans-protests-the-conservative-party-could-use-ideological-polarization-to-win-voters-214934It is a cynical ploy to misuse faith to enrich the already rich.
Divide & Conquer narratives by the rich, for the rich.
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/2026/10/maga-foreign-policy/688352/
https://archive.is/mF3e61/
2/
Given time, most folks realize that racism, misogyny, & xenophobia are just wage suppression schemes that impact every working person, including them.
https://inequality.org/article/billionaires-low-wage-workers/Billionaire wealth is stolen wages & unpaid taxes.
https://www.counterpunch.org/2026/03/25/sixteen-billionaires-who-made-their-fortunes-off-the-backs-of-low-wage-workers/Given time, most realize that LGBTQ are just regular people & changes in marriage laws had NO impact on their lot in life.
https://www.texasmonthly.com/news-politics/billionaire-tim-dunn-runs-texas/https://www.christiancentury.org/books/inside-new-american-fascism
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/ng-interactive/2024/jul/11/tim-dunn-texas-oil-billionaire-trump
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2/
Given time, most folks realize that racism, misogyny, & xenophobia are just wage suppression schemes that impact every working person, including them.
https://inequality.org/article/billionaires-low-wage-workers/Billionaire wealth is stolen wages & unpaid taxes.
https://www.counterpunch.org/2026/03/25/sixteen-billionaires-who-made-their-fortunes-off-the-backs-of-low-wage-workers/Given time, most realize that LGBTQ are just regular people & changes in marriage laws had NO impact on their lot in life.
https://www.texasmonthly.com/news-politics/billionaire-tim-dunn-runs-texas/https://www.christiancentury.org/books/inside-new-american-fascism
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/ng-interactive/2024/jul/11/tim-dunn-texas-oil-billionaire-trump
3/
https://www.eenews.net/articles/meet-the-christian-oil-mogul-spending-big-to-elect-trump/
It doesn't make housing, food, or gas any less expensive.
Being mean to new Americans doesn't make prices go down.
A war on women's civil rights, doesn't help families.
Prejudice & stereotypes don't stop expensive wars & horrific genocides.
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@Sea1Am @chrisamaphone @inthehands
i cited daryl davis myself contemporaneously independently in this thread
the only problem with this approach:
it is not our job
and daryl's effort was inhuman amounts of stamina. he's a hero, but we aren't required to be heros for the sake of bigots. let bigots change themselves
if anybody wants to be a daryl davis, i applaud them. they can wade out into twitter, i will buy the streamers and champagne for the bon voyage
@benroyce @chrisamaphone @inthehands
I totally agree it's not the job of Daryl to go out there and change racists one at a time, but I like to show his accomplishments as proof that people can be swayed.
Kinda funny to think we were both pulling out our Daryl Davis links about the same time
