I think I need to share an experience I just had recently.
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@stevenray @chrisamaphone @inthehands
go to paul's third comment
"I happen to know that this is man is quite conservative in a lot of ways. He's steeped in the Foxosphere to a degree that alarms his relatives. I know he was a huge Trump supporter the first time around, and I'm pretty sure he was this time too."
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That's a good sort of general-sometimes-often kind of principle, but I'm not sure it's the correct analysis in this case.
I know that he went through a whole process of becoming accepting of gay & lesbian folks in general, and that was a real journey for him — but no compartmentalizing on that front now, he’s good across the board.
I suspect that trans acceptance is something he’s come to quicker than some of his peers, and he’d •like• to be accepting but maybe isn’t sure how that’s going to be received. The conversation I recounted, it’s almost like he was asking for my permission to be accepting, and was really relieved when I was cool with that. Not so much compartmentalizing as “coming out as accepting,” if that makes sense.
@inthehands @benroyce @chrisamaphone
Love is a game changer. Sounds like that old man loved his grandson and now loves his granddaughter after her transition. He is not completely sure how other people will react and is somehow protecting his own feelings for his granddaughter from his circle’s opinions. It is great that he now knows that there are people willing to understand and recognize his love for his granddaughter because he wants to be free to love her as she is
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@benroyce @chrisamaphone @inthehands the way to combat it is a ton of patience and exposure therapy.
My father grew up as the son of a cop in southern Texas. To say he was conservative is an understatement. He then immediately out of high school joined the military and ended up in Desert Storm.
For YEARS my dad has been suspicious of and racist towards anyone who looks even a little middle eastern.
1/❝ the way to combat it is a ton of patience and exposure therapy. ❞
that’s not my job nor the job of any of your friends and relations victims.
i need to say this, because WHITE PRIVILEGE is expecting the patience and therapy to be done by the very victims of their racism and other -isms.
as i like to remind white LGBTQI folks: you are treated like we Black folks have been treated forever.
we need to end them hate -isms at the same time
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not to ruin paul's story, because it's a good one and that's not my intent
but conservatives compartmentalize
they will say black people this, black people that
then they will say a black person they are friendly with is "one of the good ones" and their ugly racism doesn't apply
in this way they preserve their teflon bigotry
i don't know how to attack this. "hypocrite!" is something conservatives are completely immune to. they just go through life like this
@benroyce @chrisamaphone @inthehands
Daryl Davis has shown an effective solution to racism with some kind of "exposure therapy" approach.
The following TED talk takes you through his story of befriending a KKK leader, and eventually convincing him to quit the KKK. It's inspiring:
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No need to delete! It's an important and valid point. Just required the reply.
@inthehands @benroyce @chrisamaphone Allow me to add a somewhat different perspective. When it comes to LGBTQ people, it truly does seem like actually knowing someone, as opposed to seeing queerness as an abstraction, often makes a huge difference. It sure did with my conservative parents. Why that seems less true with race is puzzling.
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❝ the way to combat it is a ton of patience and exposure therapy. ❞
that’s not my job nor the job of any of your friends and relations victims.
i need to say this, because WHITE PRIVILEGE is expecting the patience and therapy to be done by the very victims of their racism and other -isms.
as i like to remind white LGBTQI folks: you are treated like we Black folks have been treated forever.
we need to end them hate -isms at the same time
@blogdiva @DemonHouser @chrisamaphone @inthehands
there's a persistent troll on the fediverse, who i will not name because it will summon him and he will dive right into it, who argues we need to allow bigotry on the fediverse to change them
he cited daryl davis who befriended and changed KKK members
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daryl_Davis
i replied that that is awesome. but it was a years long heroic effort of inhuman stamina
it's not our job to put in that effort and change bigots. *they* need to change
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@DemonHouser @chrisamaphone @inthehands
you reminded me of LBJ's arc
dude was hella racist
and yet it was he who browbeat fellow democrats into getting us the 1964 civil rights act
such a seminal act it triggered all the dixiecrat racists to migrate out of the democratic party to the GOP giving us our reality today
people can change
@benroyce @DemonHouser @chrisamaphone @inthehands
https://19thnews.org/2022/05/white-evangelical-voters-gop-anti-trans-bills/
It's billionaires, foreign & domestic, exploiting & amplifying bigotry for personal gain.
https://theconversation.com/anti-trans-protests-the-conservative-party-could-use-ideological-polarization-to-win-voters-214934It is a cynical ploy to misuse faith to enrich the already rich.
Divide & Conquer narratives by the rich, for the rich.
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/2026/10/maga-foreign-policy/688352/
https://archive.is/mF3e61/
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@benroyce @chrisamaphone @inthehands
Daryl Davis has shown an effective solution to racism with some kind of "exposure therapy" approach.
The following TED talk takes you through his story of befriending a KKK leader, and eventually convincing him to quit the KKK. It's inspiring:
@Sea1Am @chrisamaphone @inthehands
i cited daryl davis myself contemporaneously independently in this thread
the only problem with this approach:
it is not our job
and daryl's effort was inhuman amounts of stamina. he's a hero, but we aren't required to be heros for the sake of bigots. let bigots change themselves
if anybody wants to be a daryl davis, i applaud them. they can wade out into twitter, i will buy the streamers and champagne for the bon voyage
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@benroyce @DemonHouser @chrisamaphone @inthehands
https://19thnews.org/2022/05/white-evangelical-voters-gop-anti-trans-bills/
It's billionaires, foreign & domestic, exploiting & amplifying bigotry for personal gain.
https://theconversation.com/anti-trans-protests-the-conservative-party-could-use-ideological-polarization-to-win-voters-214934It is a cynical ploy to misuse faith to enrich the already rich.
Divide & Conquer narratives by the rich, for the rich.
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/2026/10/maga-foreign-policy/688352/
https://archive.is/mF3e61/
2/
Given time, most folks realize that racism, misogyny, & xenophobia are just wage suppression schemes that impact every working person, including them.
https://inequality.org/article/billionaires-low-wage-workers/Billionaire wealth is stolen wages & unpaid taxes.
https://www.counterpunch.org/2026/03/25/sixteen-billionaires-who-made-their-fortunes-off-the-backs-of-low-wage-workers/Given time, most realize that LGBTQ are just regular people & changes in marriage laws had NO impact on their lot in life.
https://www.texasmonthly.com/news-politics/billionaire-tim-dunn-runs-texas/https://www.christiancentury.org/books/inside-new-american-fascism
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/ng-interactive/2024/jul/11/tim-dunn-texas-oil-billionaire-trump
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2/
Given time, most folks realize that racism, misogyny, & xenophobia are just wage suppression schemes that impact every working person, including them.
https://inequality.org/article/billionaires-low-wage-workers/Billionaire wealth is stolen wages & unpaid taxes.
https://www.counterpunch.org/2026/03/25/sixteen-billionaires-who-made-their-fortunes-off-the-backs-of-low-wage-workers/Given time, most realize that LGBTQ are just regular people & changes in marriage laws had NO impact on their lot in life.
https://www.texasmonthly.com/news-politics/billionaire-tim-dunn-runs-texas/https://www.christiancentury.org/books/inside-new-american-fascism
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/ng-interactive/2024/jul/11/tim-dunn-texas-oil-billionaire-trump
3/
https://www.eenews.net/articles/meet-the-christian-oil-mogul-spending-big-to-elect-trump/
It doesn't make housing, food, or gas any less expensive.
Being mean to new Americans doesn't make prices go down.
A war on women's civil rights, doesn't help families.
Prejudice & stereotypes don't stop expensive wars & horrific genocides.
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@Sea1Am @chrisamaphone @inthehands
i cited daryl davis myself contemporaneously independently in this thread
the only problem with this approach:
it is not our job
and daryl's effort was inhuman amounts of stamina. he's a hero, but we aren't required to be heros for the sake of bigots. let bigots change themselves
if anybody wants to be a daryl davis, i applaud them. they can wade out into twitter, i will buy the streamers and champagne for the bon voyage
@benroyce @chrisamaphone @inthehands
I totally agree it's not the job of Daryl to go out there and change racists one at a time, but I like to show his accomplishments as proof that people can be swayed.
Kinda funny to think we were both pulling out our Daryl Davis links about the same time
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@benroyce @chrisamaphone @inthehands
I totally agree it's not the job of Daryl to go out there and change racists one at a time, but I like to show his accomplishments as proof that people can be swayed.
Kinda funny to think we were both pulling out our Daryl Davis links about the same time
@Sea1Am @chrisamaphone @inthehands
don't get me wrong, daryl is a fucking hero
i just resent the idea we are *all* required to be heroes when dealing with bigots
for those of us who do want to be such heroes, i have nothing but admiration
but we can't use daryl's example to shift responsibility onto us for accommodating someone else's vile failures
which is not what i think you were doing
but i have encountered commenters who do say that elsewhere
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I happen to know that this is man is quite conservative in a lot of ways. He's steeped in the Foxosphere to a degree that alarms his relatives. I know he was a huge Trump supporter the first time around, and I'm pretty sure he was this time too.
And even stewing in those juices, even •he• is just ready to see the world change for the better for trans people.
I know with all of the horrifying backsliding we've seen these last few years, it feels like there's no hope for trans people. And…yeah, these really are dire, dire times. Dire. It is •horrifying• what's been coming to the political surface. But damnit…beneath the surface, the tectonic plates are moving. Despair, rage, lament, yes…but do not give up hope.
/end
@inthehands We know someone raised very traditionally and conservatively. But he has a heart of gold. I don't know how he voted, but I do know that when a relative came out to him, he was cool with it and reassured his nephew he loved him. Told us that he was cool about it, but that he didn't like the "flamboyancy" which says to me he really is poorly informed about LGBTQ. Sigh. I've heard that from another person too. They equate anything gay with everything flamboyant. Until it's family.
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@inthehands @benroyce @chrisamaphone
Love is a game changer. Sounds like that old man loved his grandson and now loves his granddaughter after her transition. He is not completely sure how other people will react and is somehow protecting his own feelings for his granddaughter from his circle’s opinions. It is great that he now knows that there are people willing to understand and recognize his love for his granddaughter because he wants to be free to love her as she is
@JackMexa4 @benroyce @chrisamaphone
I think in this case your assessment is probably just about spot on.
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@inthehands We know someone raised very traditionally and conservatively. But he has a heart of gold. I don't know how he voted, but I do know that when a relative came out to him, he was cool with it and reassured his nephew he loved him. Told us that he was cool about it, but that he didn't like the "flamboyancy" which says to me he really is poorly informed about LGBTQ. Sigh. I've heard that from another person too. They equate anything gay with everything flamboyant. Until it's family.
@inthehands Should add comes from a working class very traditional Italian catholic macho background... So much of it was his upbringing - and yet. Heart. Of. Gold. I think exposing him to people he respected (us) who had very different points of view helped him see the world differently too. Or have the freedom to admit publicly that he embraced all humans deep down, despite his cultural upbringing.
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@inthehands We know someone raised very traditionally and conservatively. But he has a heart of gold. I don't know how he voted, but I do know that when a relative came out to him, he was cool with it and reassured his nephew he loved him. Told us that he was cool about it, but that he didn't like the "flamboyancy" which says to me he really is poorly informed about LGBTQ. Sigh. I've heard that from another person too. They equate anything gay with everything flamboyant. Until it's family.
Sounds like one of those gay Republicans. They don’t like flamboyance either.
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Sounds like one of those gay Republicans. They don’t like flamboyance either.
@JackMexa4 @inthehands I don't think so. Both the people I know who have said this to me are married - one is a man, the other a woman. I really think they're brainwashed and so poorly informed because they were so cloistered because of their religions. But people who have good hearts will rise above their upbringings - especially when better exposed to the world. There are definitely plenty of self-hating Republicans too of course. Or just plain hateful individuals.
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@JackMexa4 @inthehands I don't think so. Both the people I know who have said this to me are married - one is a man, the other a woman. I really think they're brainwashed and so poorly informed because they were so cloistered because of their religions. But people who have good hearts will rise above their upbringings - especially when better exposed to the world. There are definitely plenty of self-hating Republicans too of course. Or just plain hateful individuals.
@JackMexa4 @inthehands Personally think that religion needs to die in a fire. More harm than good in the world. People will be generous of spirit without it if they are generous people in the first place.
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I think I need to share an experience I just had recently.
I was talking with an elder, in his mid-80s. He was showing me pictures, and showed me his wife’s “grandson” — cue photo of a stunningly fashionable young woman, wow does she know how to dress — “except he's trans, he did his trans-…he transitioned…”
ME: Does your grandkid use “she” pronouns now?
HIM: Yes!
ME: So she's your granddaughter now, I think?
HIM: Yes!!
And he switched to using she/her and did not switch back for the rest of the conversation.
There's more…
1/
@inthehands This is honestly so beautiful. 🥹
️⚧️
Sometimes the most powerful moments of acceptance come in the simplest conversations. You asked a thoughtful question, and he understood immediately. No argument, no hesitation, no making it complicated — just a genuine recognition that his granddaughter is his granddaughter.The fact that he continued using she/her pronouns for the rest of the conversation makes this even more meaningful.
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@blogdiva @DemonHouser @chrisamaphone @inthehands
there's a persistent troll on the fediverse, who i will not name because it will summon him and he will dive right into it, who argues we need to allow bigotry on the fediverse to change them
he cited daryl davis who befriended and changed KKK members
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daryl_Davis
i replied that that is awesome. but it was a years long heroic effort of inhuman stamina
it's not our job to put in that effort and change bigots. *they* need to change
