the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors.
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the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. so if you’re in Costco and you get raptured, then you’ll just hit the ceiling like a helium balloon
@samhenrigold in Red States the Sam's Warehouse roofs have explosive charges and are ringed with solid propellant rocket motors to launch the roof away in case of rapture.
The roof crashes on the unbelievers to the delight of The Elect
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the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. so if you’re in Costco and you get raptured, then you’ll just hit the ceiling like a helium balloon
@samhenrigold are they stuck up there until somebody drags them out to a clear view of the sky, or does heaven eventually stop sucking
and at that point, would they drift down slowly to the polished concrete warehouse floor, or
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the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. so if you’re in Costco and you get raptured, then you’ll just hit the ceiling like a helium balloon
@samhenrigold being outdoors during an event like this is a terrifying mistake, see The Curse (2023). Stay indoors, folks.
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the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. so if you’re in Costco and you get raptured, then you’ll just hit the ceiling like a helium balloon
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the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. so if you’re in Costco and you get raptured, then you’ll just hit the ceiling like a helium balloon
That's not the way it's gonna work, Sam.
The Rapture will look like the transporter beam as prophesied on Star Trek. And, like the ST Transporter, Almighty God also invented the transporter beam, as did Gene Roddenberry, on the cheap, to avoid building a bunch of spaceship props.
As 'twas foretold" "In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye" - and a shower of aluminum powder...
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the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. so if you’re in Costco and you get raptured, then you’ll just hit the ceiling like a helium balloon
@samhenrigold But if you are in Costco aren’t you already in heaven?
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the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. so if you’re in Costco and you get raptured, then you’ll just hit the ceiling like a helium balloon
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the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. so if you’re in Costco and you get raptured, then you’ll just hit the ceiling like a helium balloon
@samhenrigold can not be raptured while in a dungeon
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the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. so if you’re in Costco and you get raptured, then you’ll just hit the ceiling like a helium balloon
@samhenrigold if you get raptured from a boat, but the boat crosses a time zone or the date line westbound, you’ll come back.
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the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. so if you’re in Costco and you get raptured, then you’ll just hit the ceiling like a helium balloon
@samhenrigold @catsalad Me, on the ceiling: “Hey, kid, toss me a blowtorch, I gotta cut my way out”
(Kid throws it, it falls back and conks him on the head)
Me: “HAHAHAHAHA!”
(I slam into the floor) -
the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. so if you’re in Costco and you get raptured, then you’ll just hit the ceiling like a helium balloon
Do you fall back down when the rapture beam moves on, and splat on the floor in the laxatives aisle?
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the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. so if you’re in Costco and you get raptured, then you’ll just hit the ceiling like a helium balloon
@samhenrigold
O all the chuds at the Walmart and Tractor Supply are going to be pissed.
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the rapture doesn’t work if you’re indoors. so if you’re in Costco and you get raptured, then you’ll just hit the ceiling like a helium balloon
@samhenrigold no if you’re in Costco, you won’t get the signal and then when you walk outside, you’ll get an alert for 1 missed rapture and a voicemail from the Archangel Gabriel
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J jwcph@helvede.net shared this topic
