@paavi@mastodontti.fi @afewbugs@social.coop

I think
1) Lots of women think "everyone knows how to clean" because they don't realize how THEY'VE been conditioned since childhood to be the ones who clean up while the boys get to goof off, and the grown men lounge around watching football after Thanksgiving dinner…
2) For those of us girls who "slipped through the cracks" and didn't get turned into miniature maids by our mothers, learning as an adult can be difficult. Especially throwing neurodivergence into the mix. The people screaming at me were saying "IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO CLEAN, LEARN! YOU'RE AN ADULT! MAKE SOME EFFORT! TAKE RESPONSIBILITY! WE'RE NOT HOLDING ANYONE'S HAND!!" But — like, if you started a new job, you wouldn't just get turned loose on day one with no guidance. And with AuDHD, I need help finding a "starting point." I need examples of what "needs to be done" (or what's expected of me) so I can use it as a guide and reference in the future. Especially with my ex expecting me to just read his mind… Sorry, that's not something I can "teach myself." Dude can't get mad at me for not meeting his standards when he refused to communicate what those standards were. Except he absolutely did get furious.

@afewbugs@social.coop

Gawd, the shit I got when I waded into a "discussion" on Instagram about how "men are so helpless and useless and they need to be given a LIST of chores before they will help" and I chimed in: "Actually I have ADHD and if my ex had given me a specific, detailed list instead of just telling me to 'look around and see what needs done' and then getting MAD that I didn't do what HE WANTED DONE maybe I wouldn't have this huge emotional trauma" and it turned into: "YOU'RE JUST ENABLING LAZY MEN AND GIVING THEM EXCUSES, ADHD ISN'T A GOOD EXCUSE, EVERYBODY KNOWS HOW TO CLEAN"… …um, no, not everyone does. And it's really fucking sexist to assume that WOMEN ESPECIALLY are "born with" this knowledge and skill set and little "habit tracker" already programmed in.