#MonsterdonAlert

What should our next #Monsterdon movie be?

rick: i'm taking venezuela morty!

morty: you're- you can't just TAKE a country rick

rick: i just did morty. i did it at 2am. it's done. their president's on my boat

morty: you KIDNAPPED a president?

rick: (burp) extradited, morty. different word. sounds more (burp) legal

morty: rick, why do you have thirteen military bases in my house

rick: security, morty. protection

morty: okay but how many bases do i have in your house

rick: morty are you out of your mind? a foreign military operating on american soil? do you know how insane that sounds?

morty: but

rick: that's completely different morty. we're protecting you. you don't need to protect us. we're us

morty: that doesn't-

rick: morty i have ten thousand troops in your country and a surveillance base in yorkshire that you're not allowedto ask questions about. this is what friendship looks like

morty: oh jeez

oh no these write themselves

morty: rick do i actually control my nukes?

rick: (laughs so hard he spills whatever that flask is)

morty: rick?

rick: sure morty, sure. you totally, absolutely control your nukes

morty: really?

rick: yeah, as long as you dont need missile maintenance, targeting updates, or, yknow, the missiles

morty: rick

rick: morty, just call them independent. if it makes you feel better

rick (us): morty, morty, morty, get in the cruiser, we're going to iraq

morty (uk): i dont know rick,a million people are protesting. the evidence looks fake

rick: morty, dont be dramatic. i need you for coalition optics.youre my little buddy, morty. get in the ship

morty: oh geez rick

oh no I had the thought that the US/UK "special relationship" is just the UK being Morty to the US's Rick and now I can't stop imaging their dialogues

guatemala 1954. jacobo árbenz was democratically elected. started redistributing unused land to peasants. this included land united fruit was hoarding and not even using. they were just sitting on it to control the market

united fruit's lobbyists told eisenhower this was communism. it was not.(not that it would matter if it were) it was a mildly progressive land reform policy. the cia overthrew arbenz and installed a military dictatorship anyway

if you wanted to ship anything in or out of these countries you went through united fruit. they didn't just operate in these nations. they were the economy. the governments served at their pleasure

and when a government got uppity- tried something like land reform or labor rights or 'maybe our country shouldn't be owned by a foreign corporation -united fruit called washington

and washington sent the cia

okay storytime. let's talk about the united fruit company because people keep saying "this is unprecedented' and it's really not. the us has been doing this to latin america for over a century. we just got less formal about it for a while

united fruit was an american company that grew bananas. sounds boring and harmless

it was not

by the early 1900s they owned massive amounts of land across guatemala, honduras, costa rica, panama, colombia, cuba. not just farms. railroads. ports. telegraph lines. the infrastructure