The idea for this poll came from a recent conversation with my spouse.
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The idea for this poll came from a recent conversation with my spouse.
In the past, they’ve generally been able to tell when someone has a crush on them, but as a friendly person myself I have a history of thinking others are just being friendly and sociable, too.
Sometimes I realized what was actually happening years later.
Can you tell when someone has a crush on you?
Boosts are warmly welcomed.
@lydiaschoch No. And apparently when it’s happened, I just thought they were being really nice. Because people are nice?? Like why would it be romantic??
This also goes the other way. I get really enthusiastic about people. This has definitely been misunderstood, to my total embarrassment. One time I told a friend he had beautiful eyes (he did!) and I utterly, painfully, sincerely, did not realize the optics (har har) of that until he directly asked me. I also learned the hard way that telling people they smell good definitely comes off wrong. But like, I notice smells. It seems obvious to compliment the good ones???
I’m so bad at being normal. I’m basically horribly embarrassed no matter what side of this I’m on. I just need everyone to stop looking at me while the nausea passes. I regularly thank the gods I don’t have to face dating.
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The idea for this poll came from a recent conversation with my spouse.
In the past, they’ve generally been able to tell when someone has a crush on them, but as a friendly person myself I have a history of thinking others are just being friendly and sociable, too.
Sometimes I realized what was actually happening years later.
Can you tell when someone has a crush on you?
Boosts are warmly welcomed.
@lydiaschoch
I said no.I think I have often missed the signs of someone having a sexual interest in me, and also misread the signs of people who were just being friendly.
I have found many of the indications that I have leant as obvious signs of interest or disinterest are also wrong and can mean almost anything else at all.
Humans are very difficult to read, and their displays and actions are often ambiguous or outright lies.I have learnt to say and do nothing, unless there is a clear conversation about it.
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The idea for this poll came from a recent conversation with my spouse.
In the past, they’ve generally been able to tell when someone has a crush on them, but as a friendly person myself I have a history of thinking others are just being friendly and sociable, too.
Sometimes I realized what was actually happening years later.
Can you tell when someone has a crush on you?
Boosts are warmly welcomed.
@lydiaschoch I can smell the pheromones so, in that slender % of 'yes'. But by non-verbal gesture/body alone, usually no.
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@lydiaschoch No. And apparently when it’s happened, I just thought they were being really nice. Because people are nice?? Like why would it be romantic??
This also goes the other way. I get really enthusiastic about people. This has definitely been misunderstood, to my total embarrassment. One time I told a friend he had beautiful eyes (he did!) and I utterly, painfully, sincerely, did not realize the optics (har har) of that until he directly asked me. I also learned the hard way that telling people they smell good definitely comes off wrong. But like, I notice smells. It seems obvious to compliment the good ones???
I’m so bad at being normal. I’m basically horribly embarrassed no matter what side of this I’m on. I just need everyone to stop looking at me while the nausea passes. I regularly thank the gods I don’t have to face dating.
@hollie @lydiaschoch All of this! When I presented as a woman, I had no qualms about sharing stuff like this, and my intentions would be misunderstood (in that they thought I had them, and I didn’t, because to me the human body is no different from a beautiful sculpture); now that I present as a man, I have to be careful again because the same words uttered by a man are (can be perceived as) creepy.
Either way, I’m always doing a mental pee-pee dance of unexpressed compliments.
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The idea for this poll came from a recent conversation with my spouse.
In the past, they’ve generally been able to tell when someone has a crush on them, but as a friendly person myself I have a history of thinking others are just being friendly and sociable, too.
Sometimes I realized what was actually happening years later.
Can you tell when someone has a crush on you?
Boosts are warmly welcomed.
@lydiaschoch In my student days I usually found out when they got inexplicably mad at me and a mutual friend had to explain.
How do you mean going to the beach at night to look at the stars is a date, it’s intro to astronomy homework
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The idea for this poll came from a recent conversation with my spouse.
In the past, they’ve generally been able to tell when someone has a crush on them, but as a friendly person myself I have a history of thinking others are just being friendly and sociable, too.
Sometimes I realized what was actually happening years later.
Can you tell when someone has a crush on you?
Boosts are warmly welcomed.
@lydiaschoch I answered Other because how would I know? I think the answer is yes, but I have no idea how often I've been wrong. And I've had enough interactions where I was just being friendly and it was interpreted as romantic that I don't have confidence that the guesses I make are any more accurate than the guesses other people make about me.
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@lydiaschoch one time about ten years ago, husband and I had dinner at a bar. He was in the washroom after, and a man approached me and asked me for a pen. I found one in my purse, handed it to him, husband walked up, and we then left. Afterward I thought, “did he really need a pen?”
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The idea for this poll came from a recent conversation with my spouse.
In the past, they’ve generally been able to tell when someone has a crush on them, but as a friendly person myself I have a history of thinking others are just being friendly and sociable, too.
Sometimes I realized what was actually happening years later.
Can you tell when someone has a crush on you?
Boosts are warmly welcomed.
@lydiaschoch Hard no. Historically any time anyone tells me they do I’m like YOU WAT and it’s probably uncomfortable for everyone involved. Definitely for me, at least
Esp when it’s men bc in hindsight any time that happened I wanted to be bros but erroneous ~gender~ perceptions
Similarly I’ve been told I vibe friendly/approachable, though as I mask less, have way fewer irl social interactions, look more masc & wear a ring the strangers want to tell me their life story has chilled out some
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@lydiaschoch No. Emphatically no!
I am gray asexual. I've been on dates that I didn't know were dates until two weeks later. Heck, I've probably gone out with a "friend" who thought we were on a date and it's years later and now I'll probably never know.
To the best of my knowledge only two guys ever had a crush on me, but now I look back and think that's statistically impossible.
@Karen5Lund @lydiaschoch Oh strong relate! I went to dinner with a neighbor bc we both liked the same Thai place and then a little while after that we connected on social media… and there was a recent post about him being nervous for his dinner date tonight (the night we got Thai food) and I was like
(Hind sight should have done like, lunch with multiple friends & specified friends but hindsight is exactly that)
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@lydiaschoch one time about ten years ago, husband and I had dinner at a bar. He was in the washroom after, and a man approached me and asked me for a pen. I found one in my purse, handed it to him, husband walked up, and we then left. Afterward I thought, “did he really need a pen?”
@TammySue That is too funny.
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The idea for this poll came from a recent conversation with my spouse.
In the past, they’ve generally been able to tell when someone has a crush on them, but as a friendly person myself I have a history of thinking others are just being friendly and sociable, too.
Sometimes I realized what was actually happening years later.
Can you tell when someone has a crush on you?
Boosts are warmly welcomed.
I recently had a dream and when I woke up I realized a person was flirting with me in the dream and I had no idea that had been happening. I realized this when I woke up and just started laughing very hard!
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The idea for this poll came from a recent conversation with my spouse.
In the past, they’ve generally been able to tell when someone has a crush on them, but as a friendly person myself I have a history of thinking others are just being friendly and sociable, too.
Sometimes I realized what was actually happening years later.
Can you tell when someone has a crush on you?
Boosts are warmly welcomed.
@lydiaschoch With my most significant relationship,I spent hours and even days working with him, and socializing with him for months but it wasn't til we went to a movie together and he put his arm over my shoulders that it dawned on me that he liked me haha
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@lydiaschoch With my most significant relationship,I spent hours and even days working with him, and socializing with him for months but it wasn't til we went to a movie together and he put his arm over my shoulders that it dawned on me that he liked me haha
@3x10to8mps this should be a scene in a romance film. It’s so wholesome.
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@hollie @lydiaschoch All of this! When I presented as a woman, I had no qualms about sharing stuff like this, and my intentions would be misunderstood (in that they thought I had them, and I didn’t, because to me the human body is no different from a beautiful sculpture); now that I present as a man, I have to be careful again because the same words uttered by a man are (can be perceived as) creepy.
Either way, I’m always doing a mental pee-pee dance of unexpressed compliments.
@nik as an autistic transmasc person, i relate. i almost never compliment women or nonbinary people in my new incarnation as compared to when i was in my old one. don't wanna be perceived as a creep. and yes i'm terrible at recognizing when someone has a crush on me 🫣
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@hollie @lydiaschoch All of this! When I presented as a woman, I had no qualms about sharing stuff like this, and my intentions would be misunderstood (in that they thought I had them, and I didn’t, because to me the human body is no different from a beautiful sculpture); now that I present as a man, I have to be careful again because the same words uttered by a man are (can be perceived as) creepy.
Either way, I’m always doing a mental pee-pee dance of unexpressed compliments.
@nik @hollie @lydiaschoch Mental pee pee dance is my life about everything I say as someone with ADHD. I leak a lot though.
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The idea for this poll came from a recent conversation with my spouse.
In the past, they’ve generally been able to tell when someone has a crush on them, but as a friendly person myself I have a history of thinking others are just being friendly and sociable, too.
Sometimes I realized what was actually happening years later.
Can you tell when someone has a crush on you?
Boosts are warmly welcomed.
@lydiaschoch Not often. I think it's my ADHD. I can see it when it's someone else. ("Bro, she's totally into you.")
My theory is that when I'm observing, I see little hints and patterns easily, but when I'm interacting directly, I'm paying so much attention to trying to hear what they're saying, think of how to respond, etc, that my brain's too busy to notice the other stuff.
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The idea for this poll came from a recent conversation with my spouse.
In the past, they’ve generally been able to tell when someone has a crush on them, but as a friendly person myself I have a history of thinking others are just being friendly and sociable, too.
Sometimes I realized what was actually happening years later.
Can you tell when someone has a crush on you?
Boosts are warmly welcomed.
@lydiaschoch I'm not sure whether my answer should be Yes, No, or Other under the strong presumption no one has ever had a crush on me.
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The idea for this poll came from a recent conversation with my spouse.
In the past, they’ve generally been able to tell when someone has a crush on them, but as a friendly person myself I have a history of thinking others are just being friendly and sociable, too.
Sometimes I realized what was actually happening years later.
Can you tell when someone has a crush on you?
Boosts are warmly welcomed.
@lydiaschoch No. I can't tell unless I'm told.
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@pawpower@beige.party @lydiaschoch@mastodon.social Not that I've been asked, but I would've unintentionally turned them down. "No thanks, I don't drink coffee."
@byakuroku
I've worried about doing that because I also don't drink coffee.
@lydiaschoch @pawpower -
The idea for this poll came from a recent conversation with my spouse.
In the past, they’ve generally been able to tell when someone has a crush on them, but as a friendly person myself I have a history of thinking others are just being friendly and sociable, too.
Sometimes I realized what was actually happening years later.
Can you tell when someone has a crush on you?
Boosts are warmly welcomed.
@lydiaschoch
I don't have any particular evidence that anyone has ever had a crush on me
