"Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.”
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"Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.”
A friend just shared this advice with me, in a conversation about a tough situation she's dealing with, and I wish someone had said this to me when I was very young (instead of implicitly and explicitly telling me the opposite, as is common for people socialized as female).
Sharing here for all those (of all genders) who could use to hear it.
@ShaulaEvans Ooooh. Yeah, that's a very good thing to keep in mind. Thanks for sharing.
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"Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.”
A friend just shared this advice with me, in a conversation about a tough situation she's dealing with, and I wish someone had said this to me when I was very young (instead of implicitly and explicitly telling me the opposite, as is common for people socialized as female).
Sharing here for all those (of all genders) who could use to hear it.
@ShaulaEvans Oh, this makes sense!
I can have all kinds of empathy but the boundaries are the bottom line. -
"Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.”
A friend just shared this advice with me, in a conversation about a tough situation she's dealing with, and I wish someone had said this to me when I was very young (instead of implicitly and explicitly telling me the opposite, as is common for people socialized as female).
Sharing here for all those (of all genders) who could use to hear it.
@ShaulaEvans Speaking as a pathological empath, I can certainly attest that empathy can be turned up too high. Gotta be honest, tho, that's not mostly what I see in the world.
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"Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.”
A friend just shared this advice with me, in a conversation about a tough situation she's dealing with, and I wish someone had said this to me when I was very young (instead of implicitly and explicitly telling me the opposite, as is common for people socialized as female).
Sharing here for all those (of all genders) who could use to hear it.
@ShaulaEvans
There are a lot of dangerous self-described fake "empaths" out there.
Don't give them an inch. -
@ShaulaEvans Speaking as a pathological empath, I can certainly attest that empathy can be turned up too high. Gotta be honest, tho, that's not mostly what I see in the world.
@GeePawHill It's what I see a lot of among the good people I know in the world.
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@GeePawHill It's what I see a lot of among the good people I know in the world.
@ShaulaEvans Understood.
I *would* advise folks to take care of themselves, that's for sure.
Anyway, I'm hardly a fount of wisdom on the topic. I can't be in a gathering of more than 4 people these days, even my closest friends and family. More sorrow and grief than I can handle and stay even as marginally sober as I do.
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"Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.”
A friend just shared this advice with me, in a conversation about a tough situation she's dealing with, and I wish someone had said this to me when I was very young (instead of implicitly and explicitly telling me the opposite, as is common for people socialized as female).
Sharing here for all those (of all genders) who could use to hear it.
What a useful, important piece of advice!
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@ShaulaEvans Understood.
I *would* advise folks to take care of themselves, that's for sure.
Anyway, I'm hardly a fount of wisdom on the topic. I can't be in a gathering of more than 4 people these days, even my closest friends and family. More sorrow and grief than I can handle and stay even as marginally sober as I do.
@GeePawHill Don't worry, I agree that we need more empathy in the world in general -- but my god, it is unevenly distributed.
I hear you on trying not to be swamped by the sorrow and grief of others. I don't know how caring people can survive these times, and I don't know how we can ever support each other enough.
I just know that we keep getting back up and trying.
Stay safe out there, do your best, and give yourself grace.
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"Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.”
A friend just shared this advice with me, in a conversation about a tough situation she's dealing with, and I wish someone had said this to me when I was very young (instead of implicitly and explicitly telling me the opposite, as is common for people socialized as female).
Sharing here for all those (of all genders) who could use to hear it.
Boundaries don’t push the right people away.
They help reveal who respects you and who only liked having access to you.
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Boundaries don’t push the right people away.
They help reveal who respects you and who only liked having access to you.
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"Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.”
A friend just shared this advice with me, in a conversation about a tough situation she's dealing with, and I wish someone had said this to me when I was very young (instead of implicitly and explicitly telling me the opposite, as is common for people socialized as female).
Sharing here for all those (of all genders) who could use to hear it.
@ShaulaEvans It's been my experience that the folks who push boundaries the hardest usually don't have any of the empathy for others that they demand for themselves.
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@ShaulaEvans It's been my experience that the folks who push boundaries the hardest usually don't have any of the empathy for others that they demand for themselves.
@Soozcat I'd agree with this mostly.
In my experience, the exception is people in crisis: they are desperate for help and in their desperation may, understandably, disregard boundaries. But that doesn't mean your own boundaries, limits and resource limitations are any less important.
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"Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.”
A friend just shared this advice with me, in a conversation about a tough situation she's dealing with, and I wish someone had said this to me when I was very young (instead of implicitly and explicitly telling me the opposite, as is common for people socialized as female).
Sharing here for all those (of all genders) who could use to hear it.
@ShaulaEvans that is very profound
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"Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.”
A friend just shared this advice with me, in a conversation about a tough situation she's dealing with, and I wish someone had said this to me when I was very young (instead of implicitly and explicitly telling me the opposite, as is common for people socialized as female).
Sharing here for all those (of all genders) who could use to hear it.
@ShaulaEvans goodness that lands
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"Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.”
A friend just shared this advice with me, in a conversation about a tough situation she's dealing with, and I wish someone had said this to me when I was very young (instead of implicitly and explicitly telling me the opposite, as is common for people socialized as female).
Sharing here for all those (of all genders) who could use to hear it.
@ShaulaEvans "when does love become self-erasure?" is one of those unfair binds life throws at you, made worse by illness - a boundary may mean leaving a person without support
the act of caring for yourself then hurts you as well
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"Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.”
A friend just shared this advice with me, in a conversation about a tough situation she's dealing with, and I wish someone had said this to me when I was very young (instead of implicitly and explicitly telling me the opposite, as is common for people socialized as female).
Sharing here for all those (of all genders) who could use to hear it.
I am thinking a lot about that. Sometimes people use „boundaries“ to avoid accountability and empathy. So I see some danger in that.
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I am thinking a lot about that. Sometimes people use „boundaries“ to avoid accountability and empathy. So I see some danger in that.
@_rya_ Indeed, empathy has an implied range of lesser-to-greater. Many overlap with how much give-to-take they have left in their range, at the moment.
Ahh the physics of scalar behavioral ranges. Too bad Behavioral Science isn't Core Education.
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"Your boundaries have to be stronger than your empathy.”
A friend just shared this advice with me, in a conversation about a tough situation she's dealing with, and I wish someone had said this to me when I was very young (instead of implicitly and explicitly telling me the opposite, as is common for people socialized as female).
Sharing here for all those (of all genders) who could use to hear it.
@ShaulaEvans Situational boundaries was a hard learned skill. My wiring led to my failure to recognize my functional carrying capacity, and then suffer long periods where i helped no one and barely stayed afloat myself. It taught me eventually. I need to stay balanced. Help while i can, step back and recover. If they're not literally my dependent, I am not the only resource another person has and i need to remember that sometimes. But after I rest i return. 'Humans' evolved bc we're supportive.
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J jwcph@helvede.net shared this topic
