The idea for this poll came from a recent conversation with my spouse.
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@lydiaschoch I'm so oblivious i can't even tell when someone asks me on a date unless they say the word date. I have shown up to dates before where someone said "Hey you wanna meet for a coffee?" And I said sure and drug a friend along because in my mind I love introducing cool people to one another and we could have an interesting time... No! That was supposed to be a date! Ack! My bad!
@pawpower oh, that is hilarious and something I’d do as well.
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@pawpower oh, that is hilarious and something I’d do as well.
@lydiaschoch So many unwritten rules that most other folks seem to just know!
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@lydiaschoch I'm so oblivious i can't even tell when someone asks me on a date unless they say the word date. I have shown up to dates before where someone said "Hey you wanna meet for a coffee?" And I said sure and drug a friend along because in my mind I love introducing cool people to one another and we could have an interesting time... No! That was supposed to be a date! Ack! My bad!
@pawpower@beige.party @lydiaschoch@mastodon.social Not that I've been asked, but I would've unintentionally turned them down. "No thanks, I don't drink coffee."
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The idea for this poll came from a recent conversation with my spouse.
In the past, they’ve generally been able to tell when someone has a crush on them, but as a friendly person myself I have a history of thinking others are just being friendly and sociable, too.
Sometimes I realized what was actually happening years later.
Can you tell when someone has a crush on you?
Boosts are warmly welcomed.
@lydiaschoch@mastodon.social I only notice it from men cause I have my guard up, and most of them are...really obvious about it. With everyone else, not a fucking clue.
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@Wearwolf Exactly.
It makes me happy that I’m not the only oblivious one.
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The idea for this poll came from a recent conversation with my spouse.
In the past, they’ve generally been able to tell when someone has a crush on them, but as a friendly person myself I have a history of thinking others are just being friendly and sociable, too.
Sometimes I realized what was actually happening years later.
Can you tell when someone has a crush on you?
Boosts are warmly welcomed.
@lydiaschoch Not to get all philosophical, but isn’t the question inherently unanswerable? Like, how would you know how many times you don’t know that someone has a crush on you?
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@lydiaschoch Not to get all philosophical, but isn’t the question inherently unanswerable? Like, how would you know how many times you don’t know that someone has a crush on you?
@Twotired I’ve had conversations where it was revealed years later. But I’m sure that doesn’t happen every time.
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The idea for this poll came from a recent conversation with my spouse.
In the past, they’ve generally been able to tell when someone has a crush on them, but as a friendly person myself I have a history of thinking others are just being friendly and sociable, too.
Sometimes I realized what was actually happening years later.
Can you tell when someone has a crush on you?
Boosts are warmly welcomed.
@lydiaschoch No. Emphatically no!
I am gray asexual. I've been on dates that I didn't know were dates until two weeks later. Heck, I've probably gone out with a "friend" who thought we were on a date and it's years later and now I'll probably never know.
To the best of my knowledge only two guys ever had a crush on me, but now I look back and think that's statistically impossible.
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The idea for this poll came from a recent conversation with my spouse.
In the past, they’ve generally been able to tell when someone has a crush on them, but as a friendly person myself I have a history of thinking others are just being friendly and sociable, too.
Sometimes I realized what was actually happening years later.
Can you tell when someone has a crush on you?
Boosts are warmly welcomed.
@lydiaschoch I tend to have pretty negative expectations of how others perceive me, I spent middle school thinking a guy was praking me and being homophobic when, looking back, the guy was probably being honest and had a crush on me
I have low self-esteem, basically.
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@lydiaschoch I tend to have pretty negative expectations of how others perceive me, I spent middle school thinking a guy was praking me and being homophobic when, looking back, the guy was probably being honest and had a crush on me
I have low self-esteem, basically.
@mooooooo I hear you there! I’ve misinterpreted things in the past as well.
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The idea for this poll came from a recent conversation with my spouse.
In the past, they’ve generally been able to tell when someone has a crush on them, but as a friendly person myself I have a history of thinking others are just being friendly and sociable, too.
Sometimes I realized what was actually happening years later.
Can you tell when someone has a crush on you?
Boosts are warmly welcomed.
@lydiaschoch The woman I ultimately lost my virginity to, she'd spent the entirety of that night throwing herself at me and I hadn't noticed. It was only when she had her tongue in my mouth that I thought, "oh, I think she might like me."
And that is just one of many tales of my complete obliviousness.
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The idea for this poll came from a recent conversation with my spouse.
In the past, they’ve generally been able to tell when someone has a crush on them, but as a friendly person myself I have a history of thinking others are just being friendly and sociable, too.
Sometimes I realized what was actually happening years later.
Can you tell when someone has a crush on you?
Boosts are warmly welcomed.
@lydiaschoch No. And apparently when it’s happened, I just thought they were being really nice. Because people are nice?? Like why would it be romantic??
This also goes the other way. I get really enthusiastic about people. This has definitely been misunderstood, to my total embarrassment. One time I told a friend he had beautiful eyes (he did!) and I utterly, painfully, sincerely, did not realize the optics (har har) of that until he directly asked me. I also learned the hard way that telling people they smell good definitely comes off wrong. But like, I notice smells. It seems obvious to compliment the good ones???
I’m so bad at being normal. I’m basically horribly embarrassed no matter what side of this I’m on. I just need everyone to stop looking at me while the nausea passes. I regularly thank the gods I don’t have to face dating.
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The idea for this poll came from a recent conversation with my spouse.
In the past, they’ve generally been able to tell when someone has a crush on them, but as a friendly person myself I have a history of thinking others are just being friendly and sociable, too.
Sometimes I realized what was actually happening years later.
Can you tell when someone has a crush on you?
Boosts are warmly welcomed.
@lydiaschoch
I said no.I think I have often missed the signs of someone having a sexual interest in me, and also misread the signs of people who were just being friendly.
I have found many of the indications that I have leant as obvious signs of interest or disinterest are also wrong and can mean almost anything else at all.
Humans are very difficult to read, and their displays and actions are often ambiguous or outright lies.I have learnt to say and do nothing, unless there is a clear conversation about it.
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The idea for this poll came from a recent conversation with my spouse.
In the past, they’ve generally been able to tell when someone has a crush on them, but as a friendly person myself I have a history of thinking others are just being friendly and sociable, too.
Sometimes I realized what was actually happening years later.
Can you tell when someone has a crush on you?
Boosts are warmly welcomed.
@lydiaschoch I can smell the pheromones so, in that slender % of 'yes'. But by non-verbal gesture/body alone, usually no.
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@lydiaschoch No. And apparently when it’s happened, I just thought they were being really nice. Because people are nice?? Like why would it be romantic??
This also goes the other way. I get really enthusiastic about people. This has definitely been misunderstood, to my total embarrassment. One time I told a friend he had beautiful eyes (he did!) and I utterly, painfully, sincerely, did not realize the optics (har har) of that until he directly asked me. I also learned the hard way that telling people they smell good definitely comes off wrong. But like, I notice smells. It seems obvious to compliment the good ones???
I’m so bad at being normal. I’m basically horribly embarrassed no matter what side of this I’m on. I just need everyone to stop looking at me while the nausea passes. I regularly thank the gods I don’t have to face dating.
@hollie @lydiaschoch All of this! When I presented as a woman, I had no qualms about sharing stuff like this, and my intentions would be misunderstood (in that they thought I had them, and I didn’t, because to me the human body is no different from a beautiful sculpture); now that I present as a man, I have to be careful again because the same words uttered by a man are (can be perceived as) creepy.
Either way, I’m always doing a mental pee-pee dance of unexpressed compliments.
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The idea for this poll came from a recent conversation with my spouse.
In the past, they’ve generally been able to tell when someone has a crush on them, but as a friendly person myself I have a history of thinking others are just being friendly and sociable, too.
Sometimes I realized what was actually happening years later.
Can you tell when someone has a crush on you?
Boosts are warmly welcomed.
@lydiaschoch In my student days I usually found out when they got inexplicably mad at me and a mutual friend had to explain.
How do you mean going to the beach at night to look at the stars is a date, it’s intro to astronomy homework
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The idea for this poll came from a recent conversation with my spouse.
In the past, they’ve generally been able to tell when someone has a crush on them, but as a friendly person myself I have a history of thinking others are just being friendly and sociable, too.
Sometimes I realized what was actually happening years later.
Can you tell when someone has a crush on you?
Boosts are warmly welcomed.
@lydiaschoch I answered Other because how would I know? I think the answer is yes, but I have no idea how often I've been wrong. And I've had enough interactions where I was just being friendly and it was interpreted as romantic that I don't have confidence that the guesses I make are any more accurate than the guesses other people make about me.
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@lydiaschoch one time about ten years ago, husband and I had dinner at a bar. He was in the washroom after, and a man approached me and asked me for a pen. I found one in my purse, handed it to him, husband walked up, and we then left. Afterward I thought, “did he really need a pen?”
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The idea for this poll came from a recent conversation with my spouse.
In the past, they’ve generally been able to tell when someone has a crush on them, but as a friendly person myself I have a history of thinking others are just being friendly and sociable, too.
Sometimes I realized what was actually happening years later.
Can you tell when someone has a crush on you?
Boosts are warmly welcomed.
@lydiaschoch Hard no. Historically any time anyone tells me they do I’m like YOU WAT and it’s probably uncomfortable for everyone involved. Definitely for me, at least
Esp when it’s men bc in hindsight any time that happened I wanted to be bros but erroneous ~gender~ perceptions
Similarly I’ve been told I vibe friendly/approachable, though as I mask less, have way fewer irl social interactions, look more masc & wear a ring the strangers want to tell me their life story has chilled out some
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@lydiaschoch No. Emphatically no!
I am gray asexual. I've been on dates that I didn't know were dates until two weeks later. Heck, I've probably gone out with a "friend" who thought we were on a date and it's years later and now I'll probably never know.
To the best of my knowledge only two guys ever had a crush on me, but now I look back and think that's statistically impossible.
@Karen5Lund @lydiaschoch Oh strong relate! I went to dinner with a neighbor bc we both liked the same Thai place and then a little while after that we connected on social media… and there was a recent post about him being nervous for his dinner date tonight (the night we got Thai food) and I was like
(Hind sight should have done like, lunch with multiple friends & specified friends but hindsight is exactly that)
