a while ago I made a bunch of unhinged requests to Amazon's shopping AI about things like "the best conceal carry holster for my dog" and I'm pleased to announce it's paid off

[daf@frogs.lgbt]

@alyx this is the kind of thing you see in in those shit american crime dramas that desperately try to stay with the times, feds suddenly ‘discovering’ this on someone’s online profile who just so happens to be a suspect

[alyx@frogs.lgbt]

@daf ah, I was going for the looksmaxxing type of bone smashing. I followed up with absurd questions about products to reshape "canthal tilt".

[daf@frogs.lgbt]

@alyx i don’t think i want to know what that means

[alyx@frogs.lgbt]

@daf basically it's a brainrot trend for cis men who don't think they're masculine enough who are trying to get a gigachad jawline by literally smashing the bones in their face with hammers that's been going around twitter and tiktok and everywhere else

[chocobo13@mastodon.social]

@alyx
Finally, traumatizing one's own body for appearances is available to more than one of the common gender roles.
@daf

[penguin42@mastodon.org.uk]

@alyx So what armament has the cat got?

[cocaine_owlbear@retro.pizza]

@alyx I like how having a doberman with bionic recoil suppression, a Glock 40, and being trained in the use of force is apparently equivalent to owning a cat.

[zenheathen@beige.party]

@alyx do *not* mess with that cat

[reasonablemustelid@furries.club]

@penguin42 @alyx a withering judgmental glare

[alyx@frogs.lgbt]

hopefully this poisons my advertising data for years to come

[tthbaltazar@chaos.social]

@alyx
recommended for you: prosthetic for dog, handgun cleaning kit, a manifesto from some random white cis guy

[cap_ybarra@beige.party]

@alyx this is my favorite thing i've seen today

[fraggle@social.coop]

@alyx dog is highly trained in the use of a glock 40; goose is not valued

[oddhack@mstdn.social]

@alyx Cat's role is to organize and deploy Dog on field missions, ala "M" (or maybe Oscar Goldman).

[somebody@circumstances.run]

@alyx holy shit this is amazing

[stompyrobot@mastodon.gamedev.place]

@alyx Are you carrying your dog concealed, or is your dog carrying concealed, though?
I could go for the former!

[rogerb@mastodon.scot]

@alyx @daf
So Pratchett's retro-phrenology made real ?

[ozzelot@mstdn.social]

@alyx
Dog with a glock vs regular unarmed cat...

My money's still on the cat.

[nuclearoatmeal@beige.party]

@alyx

You've convinced me to have my imaginary cat get his black belt in many martial arts

[alyx@frogs.lgbt]

@ozzelot imagining a show like the Disney show "Dog with a blog" but it's "Dog with a Glock"