Found on Bluesky.

[drchaos@sauropods.win]

@cstross I want all warning labels to start with "Come on, please!"

[shadowdancer@mstdn.social]

@blotosmetek
Okay, but that would mean that what happened here wasn't just a straight Russian to English text translation.

Instead it would seem that there's been an image with Russian text which then was read in with some dumb OCR software that had no understanding of cyrillic alphabet.

Then the already broken Russian langauge was translated to English resulting in even more broken English.
@cstross

[knitronomicon@mastodonapp.uk]

@Cadbury_Moose @cstross

Mayor Snorkum will bake a cake!

[blotosmetek@circumstances.run]

@shadowdancer @cstross exactly so! Probably with some effort, even with my very rusty Russian, I could recreate the original text…

[saxicola@toot.community]

@cstross
Item 5 does kinda make sense though.

[cadbury_moose@wandering.shop]

@Knitronomicon @cstross

This torpid moose reckons he will starch his moustache.

[ghostonthehalfshell@masto.ai]

@cstross

I’d like to see a logic chain on the pizza box instruction

Open before eating

[chillicampari@layer8.space]

@mdm please do not the 6 muyhm @cstross

[noiseician@mastodon.world]

@drchaos with a crude drawing of someone getting poked with a stick
@cstross

[cadbury_moose@wandering.shop]

@Knitronomicon @cstross

Meanwhile, on BlueSky, Simon ‪(@thedenature.bsky.social‬) has noted:

A pachelbelsmech is armed with Pachelbel’s Canon.

[m3t00@app.wafrn.net]

keep a sharp knife handy in case you need to cut it off

[overflo@23.social]

@cstross

buddha said: DONT BE SO CAREFUL IN TIME OF DEATH!

..and the monk was enlightened.