This bidet remote on the wall of the house in the woods I'm staying at has some bizarre controls...

[paul_ipv6@infosec.exchange]

@petrillic @alice

akihabara was amazing.

my first business trip to japan, i was doing SE support and managed to get our sales team into a meeting with a large customer and it went very well.

when they asked if there was anything they could do or someplace they could take me as reward, i asked for akihabara. my host engineer laughed out loud and said "wow. you really are a geek.".

[lukeharby@infosec.exchange]

@alice Yeah I am looking for the combined bidet/toilet/bathroom console. Thank you.

[byrnensorg@mastodon.ie]

@alice Whatever you do.. don't set it to max and wear anything white... that you want to keep.

[lispi314@udongein.xyz]

@alice @lukeharby Some of them are an entirely separate showerhead-looking thing on a flexible hose hung on a hook near the wall and likewise simply connected to water mains.

[acb@mastodon.social]

@alice Doesn’t the smoking button control the degree of extension of a thing sort of like the toilet equivalent of the Xenomorph’s secondary mouth in Alien, only for nether-parts water spraying?

[jens@social.finkhaeuser.de]

@bthylafh @alice @nina_kali_nina Mos Eisley cantina theme.

[oli@olifant.social]

@ApostateEnglishman @alice Apologies for boosting that excellence out of context.

[sassinake@mastodon.social]

@alice
I am not flooding my bits with anything coming OUT of the loo.

Nope.

[autisticplushy@lgbtqia.space]

@alice japanese style wash

[alice@lgbtqia.space]

@AnachronistJohn it's Beth McCarthy's "Hot and Stupid" cover art.

They're one of my favorite artists.

@lukeharby

[alice@lgbtqia.space]

@achim I just swear a lot at the wall box.

[alice@lgbtqia.space]

@aizuchi "Wipe Out"

[alice@lgbtqia.space]

@acb either that, or it's IKEA-style instructions for a magic wand.

[bcasiello@floss.social]

@enbypirate @alice So to speak.

[alice@lgbtqia.space]

@Sassinake they use clean water from a separate spout, it's not like a geyser of used toilet water

[sassinake@mastodon.social]

@alice

but what if someone shits on the spout? How clean can it be?

[alice@lgbtqia.space]

@lispi314 never used one like that before, but I have an after-market add-on one on my toilet at home, and it's lovely (except in winter when it literally freezes your bits off, but it's a better wake-me-up than espresso).

@lukeharby

[esoteric_programmer@social.stealthy.club]

@alice multiplayer what? hang on, that means it can be controlled by multiple people at the same time?

[alice@lgbtqia.space]

@Sassinake you'd have to be a gymnast to do that, plus all the ones I've used are self-washing, and some retract completely until you're ready to use them.

[benroyce@mastodon.social]

@alice

"options menu"

common error

if you look carefully the button clearly indicates "contemplate the passage of time on the timescale of geological layers." the button means you want to be undisturbed for a bit

which is what we do while sitting on the toilet

or at least i do, don't call me out

isn't this the root behavior and linguistic source of the word "analysis"?

🤭